Maddy Moments

Just some thoughts

2012-02-07T11:43:00.001-05:00

The last time I blogged, I was getting pretty down on things and running low on my patients. But this are getting back to normal. After a receiving a kind Facebook message from a friend and making spontaneous plans to hang out with a friend last minute on Friday night, things started to turn around.

But before things got better, they got sad. I knew our elderly neighbor who we call grandpa just hadn't been doing well. He has been in ICU at the hospital and really struggling. He passed away Friday morning. Even though we knew his time was coming, my heart broke when my dad told me. It was good that he went to a better place and was no longer suffering on pain, but I was so saddened for his wife. I couldn't imagine losing my husband. I know it really upset her to see him like that in the hospital, and especially to not be able to help him, but I hope and pray that she can remember all of the fond memories over the years of their lives together rather than those painful last images of him. They were the sweetest, kindest people and truly were like a third set of grandparents to us.

Friday night at Sami's house was south fun. Even though we just kinda hung out in her room and watched House Bunny it was good to be able to talk to her and to laugh and to sip on our vanilla cokes from Dari Licious. It was also reassuring seeing all of the happy, laughing friends that her parents had over. I was so thankful to hang out with her.

Then we woke up bright and early for an invitational on Saturday. Waking up early was hard enough. But this was the meet I most dreaded. It was hosted by Lafayette Jeff. In their gym which is at an old elementary school. And tiny. And crammed. And the bars hardly tighten when we put them on our setting. It's awful. There's not enough room for the equipment or judges tables, let alone for the fifteen teams present and even just our parents. With so many teams it took forever even though it moved at a fast pace. We left CHS at 8am and didn't return until 5:30. I went the whole meet only on the cinnamon melt I ate for breakfast from McDonald's , some popcorn Graysen had left over, and some grapes.

Then we worked the concession stand as a team for the basketball game. We were all very tired and sore and ready to go home. But we kept busy with customers and shared stories and did a fine job.

Instead of going right home, I went to josue's house and hung out. We watched Shrek. And we both still laugh at it. But I didn't stay once it was over because I needed to get some sleep.

Sunday morning while the rest of my family went to mass, I hung out at home. I opened up to Josue and told him everything from my week. It was so nice to just get it out. And to smooth over misunderstandings and hurt feelings between him and I the pas week.

I also showered and painted my toenails and fingernails and got all of my laundry washed. It felt so nice to be clean (not that I'm often dirty) and on top of everything. Then I worked on an English paper that was kind of due last Monday.

I took a break for some fun. I picked up Sarah and we went to my dads house to make sugar cookies for valentines day! My dad made and chilled the dough already. So Sarah and I just used the different shaped heart cookie cutters and cut out a ton of cookies.

Then we made frosting (my grandma Demeter's frosting which is the wry best) and decorated the cookies!! The very best part. It was so much fun.And they all looked so good.

Before leaving my dads house, my dad and I went to my neighbors house to give her a card and out condolences. It was so sad. She told us that they were married for 58 years. That is so great. And inspiring and cute.

With plates of decorated cookies, Sarah and I left and went back to my moms house to watch last weeks episode of gossip girl and catch Sarah up.

We got done just in time for me to change clothes, pick up Josue, and make it to church on time. I was happy he came with me and that I didn't have to sit alone.

The Super Bowl started and I was sitting in my room trying to finish up that essay. Ugh. But I think I finally did it.

Then about halftime I went out to the living room. I joined my mom and Dan who had just gotten home from the friends and Josue who came over to watch the end of the game together. I was happy to hang out with him again.

Monday in clinicals I was in the ER. And though again I wish I could write about it, I cant. But I did see first hand just how connected the hospital is. I figured it was very separate and each different unit was isolated. But that is far from the opposite. Many of the different areas (radiology, lab, cardiopulmonary) all must work together and sometimes on the same patients. I thought that is so cool because it is like one big team and everyone must do their part.

Before going to practice, Maria and I went to our neighbor Grandpas viewing . When we got in line and made it to grandma at the front, I wanted to tell her how great of a man her husband was. I wanted to tell her he was no longer suffering and in a better place. I wanted to be strong and supportive for her. But my eyes just filled with tears. But I know it is okay to cry and it is okay to be sad. Especially during a death.

Practice was so great. There were only three of us and it was so chill and laid back. And we went to watch Marka and Kim's nephew(?) wrestle. He is 5. And it was presh. I also got my pop-ons pretty solid and worked on connecting my bar routine and pausing less.

Then after practice Sarah came over and we watched Gossip Girl. And it was good! And we got my mom and sister and all talked on the couch. Mostly about funny injuries that had happened to each of us from our younger days. And she spent the night. Because she didn't have morning swim practice and I didn't have homework. What a great night.

Today is Tuesday. And health careers was good. Because it always is. But because we talked about death within clinicals and how death is a part of life and that we must accept it. It was good for me to hear this with my neighbor's recent death that has been on my mind.

Then fourth period when I'm a student assistant for Mrs. Harms was just what I needed. Not only did she listen to me about all of the ridiculous assignments my english teacher piled on us today, but she helped me with it! She helped me line by line understand a Shakespeare sonnet and a second time so I could take notes. We also talked about divorce and going back and forth and i told her how while she is a teacher, it is obvious that first she is a mom and that she cares about her students and about helping them along.

venting. kind of new for maddymoments. but its much needed.

2012-02-02T17:13:00.000-05:00

Lately I have just been struggling. With mostly everything. I have been easily frustrated and lost my patience and been annoyed and aggravated and it was all just building up more and more.

I have been struggling in one of my classes in particular. I do not have any interest in the curriculum and you could say I'm not the biggest fan of the teacher. I just get so fed up with it. The teacher never grades our papers, which I understand especially when you have multiple classes with many papers is a challenging task. I do understand that. But I don't get why we continuously are asked to write more and more essays to just be sat for weeks ungraded:
1) by the time we do get them back many weeks have passed and the paper and its content are irrelevant because we've moved on.
2) I do not learn anything from writing. I already know how to write. And sure it's necessary to practice. But when we finally do get our papers back they are rarely marked with what was wrong and what needed to be changed. Just slapping a letter grade on them does close to nothing for me. Just makes me want to give up because even when I put effort into my papers my letter grades rarely prove it.
It is just a vicious cycle of frustration and anger and stress

And though this is a recent thing or change- the news is so sad. There are often tragic stories of deaths and other crimes. It can be really disturbing turning on the nightly news. Which often reminds me of Jack Johnson's song The News: Why don't the newscasters cry when they read about people who die// at least they could be decent enough to put just a tear in their eye.

Then there are clinicals. As much as I love them, they are hard. And I can't write about anything specifically, but a few times I have witnessed things that just break my heart. I know that the health field is dealing with people, usually sick people, and that things can't always be positive. But it's just so sad to me sometimes.

Not only that. But then I have to go back to school. And just my luck I go directly to the class I described above. At school things are so different. First off, compared to clinicals, school just seems a little tedious and useless. I know it isn't and that learning is important. But it's just a big difference going from real life people and trying to help them to text books. Plus back at school I seem to be surrounded by immature and obnoxious and rude kids. (this clearly includes lying and not telling the whole truth and trying to justify physically fighting another human. Seriously there's enough sadness and suffering and illness due to stuff that isn't inflicted by another person. There is never a reason to try to hurt someone on purpose. The thought of it alone makes me angry). They make fun of people and use awful language and also no one listens to me. I know I speak quietly but literally people never hear me talk. I'm sure most of the time, at least I hope, it is just that they don't hear me. But its so frustrating and upsetting and makes me feel useless. Not to mention when I'm trying to help out or ask for help. And I know it's still high school and kids will be kids and whatever. But I've just had enough of it.

But I know that there is goodness in our world. I don't believe it is perfect, nor do I believe it is like a movie or book. But there is goodness. Father Dennis touched on this in his homily this weekend. He talked about how comic books are (generally) very divided on good and evil and that it is obvious which characters belong to which side. He also noted how in The Bible it talks about love and goodness ten times more than it talks about evil.

I know I just talked down clinicals. But I love love love them. They are the best part of my week. I love being able to see things that we've talked about in class. I love seeing patients get helped. I love all of the staff I've worked with. They are so friendly and professional when they are working with their patients. They also explain everything they are doing and are ultimately just trying to help. Not to mention with me. They take the time to explain everything they are doing to me and answer every single question I ask. I love it. If I had the chance, I would spend my entire day in clinicals. Because it is so much better than school.

Speaking of the health field- I know that I can not do anything that has high risk levels or that has low outcomes of success. It would just be too emotionally demanding for me, because I really feel for other people when they are upset or in pain. Both the patients and their families. I just couldn't do it. But the more I read and talk about it, the more physical therapy appeals to me. It is medical which really interest me and still helping people which I want to be able to do with my career. But, the patients are rarely close to death. Being immobile would be frustrating still, but better than having a fatal illness or being dependent on oxygen and machines. I know that those people need to be taken care of and are just as important as physical therapy patients, and I have the utmost respect for the people that take care of and help those patients. Because I just couldn't. Eventually in clinicals I will go to physical therapy and I can't wait. I am hoping it will be as fitting as it sounds. ALSO! I got into SLU's physical therapy program!! Well pre-physical therapy program which gives direct admission to their physical therapy program. So exciting. Just hopefully I love it when I go to shadow them.

Using SLU as my segue (Bert from OLAB reference) I have been working on applications for scholarships. Which could be good news, I'm hoping eventually. But many of them ask about the future. It has made me think a lot about next year and about how things are going currently and I just have such high expectations for next year. I want to be in a place where people are kind and help each other without hesitation-basically like Camp Tecumseh. I'm hoping so much that college is similar. And I know that part of it is making your experience how you want it to be and getting out of it what you put in. And sometimes (like camp maybe and OLAB maybe, but most definitely not like Costa Rica! I don't know why I was openly myself without any hesitation and free to laugh loud and make friends and speak my mind) I am shy. And I hold back. But I don't want to do that. I want to express my happiness and engage myself fully in everything I do and every new relationship I build. And I know that the ambassadors that give the campus tours are supposed to be pleasant and speak of the school in high spirits- which they did at SLU. But there were many kids on the campus during our tour that were not ambassadors. And were not asked to be happy and make the school look good. Yet they still did. They genuinely looked happy. And like they were enjoying it. That is what I want. Not to mention the dream I had last night about the first week of school with just freshmen at SLU was similar to a Camp Tecumseh setting.

Other highlights and spurts of goodness within my life lately include:

-The show Undercover Boss. It is really uplifting and warming and gives me goosebumps. I love it. The boss of a big corporation goes undercover and works in all of the smaller jobs of the company. Then usually the boss is changed and has a reality check and reveals himself to the people he worked with and often rewards his employees. Definitely worth watching.

-Matt Logelin (The author of Two Kisses for Maddy) emailed me back!!!!! A personal email!!! It made me morning waking up to that!! It was so inspiring that he took the time to do that and made me feel like I was worth so much!

-Lately on the news there is air time about the Super bowl village in Indy. I love listening to the people who are interviewed who are impressed with Indy and with our airport and everything about it. It just makes me feel so good and so proud to be of Indiana.- a place generally thought of as cornfields and hicks.

-Plus the warm weather has not only been enjoyed by the people in state for the superbowl, but by all of us! I love it. I just can't wait until spring break, or spring in general.

-Plus to top everything off that has been a blessing and has kept me hanging on and kept me a little sane: this morning we had a two hour delay! And oh how lovely it was.

Woooohooo!

2012-01-23T23:51:00.001-05:00

Today I got a letter in the mail. Though it wasn't cleverly decorated and handwritten like the one I recently received from Sarah Wright, it was very exciting!

I opened the letter from St. Louis University saying I was accepted to their physical therapy program!!!!
I'm still not sure this is exactly what I want to do, but I'm liking it the more and more I talk, think, and research it.

But more about that later. Right now I'm going to continue to dwell in my excitement and dream of the opportunities opening in front of me.

I'm in my happy place

2012-01-19T22:46:00.002-05:00

Quite a bit has been happening since I last blogged.

School started up again. This semester I'm in health careers (still love it), english (still dislike it), a student assistant for Mrs. Harms, sociology, econ, and yearbook. I love being a student assistant for one of my very favorite teachers during her prep period. I also love sociology.

Friday January 6 was the first games of the Sugar Creek Classic. After taking a nap after school, I went to Clancy's house to get ready. The theme was retro. Later Brittany, Tayler, Laci, and Mitchel joined us. Crawfordsville beat North! In overtime. It was very exciting.

Saturday January 7 Sarah and I drove to Lafayette. Well I drove. We used my dad's directions for the way there and didn't get lost! Even when twice we had to guess because the directions were unclear. And I got us home all by myself! I felt very accomplished.

We went to Plato's Closet and got quite a bit of money for Maria and I's clothes that we got rid of during Christmas break. We also went to the mall and ate at Panera Bread. I ended up buying two v-necks from lady footlocker and 4 movies from FIY (?) movies place for only $20. One even has Rob Lowe in it.

January 8 was a sad anniversary. In 2008 on that date, my Grandpa Demeter passed away. I remember bits and parts of that day and the week leading up to it as well as after it. It was all so sad and so hard. We all still miss him and love him a lot. He cared about his family so much. He also was a deacon and baptized me, as well as the majority of my cousins. I'm so proud to be able to say that he was pretty much the foundation of my Catholic faith, or the initiater of it. He also really loved ice cream. We always ate dilly bars with him. I was so sad that I didn't eat one, or any ice cream this year on January 8th. I like to in his honor. I did however listen to the playlist of songs that I connect to his death. Thankfully, my mom found me in my room and comforted me. As much as I need other people and their love when I'm upset, I have trouble going and getting it myself.

Monday January 9 Maria went to the animal shelter to walk dogs. I drove her so my mom didn't have to. On the way we picked up Josue and he ended up walking dogs with us. Maria walked one and Josue and I walked one crazy pup together. It was fun when the dog was trying to jump and nip my face. When it starts to get warm in the spring, or when we have another random warm day like that, I want to walk on the trail with Maggie and Josue.

Wednesday January 11 would have been my Grandma Demeter's birthday. It was again a sad anniversary. When I stood with my dad in line with the rest of my aunts and uncles at the vigil service for her, when my dad introduced me to someone they said "oh yes, Madeline. I've heard about you. Your Grandma used to tell me when you were younger you would call her and just say hi! It's me!" I miss her and was sad to not be able to call her on the phone and wish her a happy birthday. But I'm happy that she got to celebrate her birthday with my Grandpa.

Friday January 13 was not unlucky. In fact, it was lovely. We had a two-hour delay!!!! Even better, for me this meant a three hour delay and no hard test to take over the nervous system. This is because my health careers class would go from 9:45-11:13. This wouldn't work because my teacher has to be at work (she is an RN) at 10. So we don't have class on 2 hour delay days. Instead, I was ready to wake up and happy in the later morning. I even got to play with Maggie before school. She had fun ripping up my Christmas loofa.

Saturday we had our first gymnastics meet! It was an invitational at Valpo. It's pretty intimidating there, but nice for our first meet. It was a long drive. 2 or 3 hours. It's so far away there's even a time change. A good thing was that it was close to Dan's parents' so they got to come and watch us! But I curled up and slept the whole way there. The meet went pretty well. I think I got a 5.975 on floor, a 6.4 on vault, and a 4.6 on bars? Something close to that. Maria did really well too I thought. She got a 5.4 or something on beam. Her first time competing ever. It's embarrassing, but my first meet on beam I didn't even get 2. Although, I did compete all around. But yay Maria! Our team came in 6 out of 8 teams. Sami was the only one of us who placed on anything individually.

On our way home we stopped to eat at Olive Garden. It was really yummy. We were all so hungry after spending all day at the meet. The long wait to get a table for all of us was definitely worth it. There were once of laughs once we were happy with food in our stomachs. By the time we got back to Cville it was like 8 or 9pm. And we left the school that morning at 7:15! What a longg day.

Sunday the 15 we went to church in the morning with my dad. Maria, my dad, and I even brought the gifts up to the altar. Father Ziggy was the visiting priest and I just adore him and his energy. We went to the morning mass because I had to work at night. I was a little nervous because it'd been over a month, but it was good getting back to work. I do love the people I work with and all that my job entails. Also-I'm so official now I not only have a bow tie and name tag, but I have the ugly black, comfy sneakers, and a clock in number!

But between church and work, I hung out with Sarah! She spent Saturday night at my house. But we were both worn out. In fact, we fell asleep with my lap top on the bed playing a movie. And in the middle of the night Sarah woke up and moved it to the floor. When we woke up on Sunday she told me that when she did I woke up and said "that was weird." When she asked what was, I replied "I was dreaming we were baking cupcakes and I was like Maria what the heck are you doing?" I didn't really remember this and she concluded she is going to conduct a sleep study on me. Oh dear.

Anyways. After church, she came back over. We played just dance. Then went to Goodwill. We bought silverware and she bought some VHS tapes. Then we came to my dad's for his help. First we measured and cut the silverware.

Then my dad held each one in the blow torch flame. When it turned orange, he used the pliers clamped on each end and bent it to a circular shape. Once they cooled off, we tried them on for size and he adjusted him.

We are so so proud and in love with our homemade silverware rings!!

Monday January 16 was our second gymnastics meet. It was at Southmont against south, north, us, and turkey run's one girl. It didn't seem to go so well for most of the girls there. My floor score improved to maybe 6.1? and my bars to maybe 4.9? I don't know scores are hard to keep straight in my head. However, my vault decreased. South came in first, but we came in second! We beat north. It's always nice beating teams. But it was a long night again. We left the school at 4:30 and didn't get back til 10pm!

Then Gossip Girl was on. And Michael and Lexie joined in watching it. It's hard for me to watch it with people while they talk. But we got through it. I was so excited that the show was back on after the break it took, but it was a little bit of a let down. Maybe one of the worst episodes I've seen. Oh well. I still love it!

Wednesday January 18 was our first day of clinicals!!! At the hospital. We are on our own (though occasionally doubled up) and go to different parts of the hospital and Athens to shadow the people that work in those departments. We even wear scrubs and our name badges! Though I wish I could write all about it and my experiences, I can't due to HIPAA. But I did love it. Admitting was much more involved and interesting than I ever anticipated it to be.

Also. I have submitted two scholarships. And have 3 more in progress. Even though they're kind of annoying to fill out, I feel so accomplished getting them done! Especially not waiting until the last minute. In fact, the two I finished and submitted are due in February! Yay! It feels good to be on top of things for once rather than rushing at the last minute.

Because its a new year and I haven't written anything about 2011 as a whole, or about resulotions or plans or anything for 2012

2012-01-03T00:07:00.000-05:00

This is my homework assignment for English. It's for the Letters About Literature contest. Writing a personal letter to an author. Mine ended up partially being a reflection on my year. Kind of.
Also I love the idea of this contest thing. And am going to send my letter to Matt Logelin. Because the contest doesn't. And I think it's important.

Dear Matthew Logelin,

With 2011 coming to an end and 2012 taking off, I have been reflecting on my life throughout the past year. Without any doubt, the two most significant events were starting my blog and the death of my grandma. Both continue to influence my emotions, perspective on life, and the way I spend my time.

Coincidentally, I read Two Kisses for Maddy towards that end of the year and found that similarly to my year, your book was the influenced (and ultimately the result of) your blog and the death of a loved one. I admit I first picked up your book because my name was on the front cover, but as I dove into the pages I found myself connecting to your writing and your story more than I ever could have anticipated. I even found myself applying some of the lessons you learned to my own situation and often shedding tears for both of our losses.

I started my blog the very first day of summer, when most people were happy to get out of school and limit any kind of writing to text messages and Facebook posts. Although I don’t write everyday like I did this summer, I continue to post of my blog. I love being able to write about the people I encounter and how I spend my days. Blogging helps me to reflect on the things I’ve done and become more aware of my surroundings. I try to take in everything so I can remember it, and write about it later. I have found that blogging is, in a sense, the best form of therapy. Reading about how much your blog and the community of readers that reached out and helped you encouraged me to continue to love my own blog and find others to follow. I believe it is vital that people help each other, especially during a time of need. I love that those who helped you, and those you turned around to help, all originated from a blog. It has also been fun to continue to keep up with you and Maddy through your blog.

It was easy for me to latch on to your writing style. As an English student, I understand the importance of correct grammar. But as a fellow blogger, I appreciated the fragments and honesty and humor and strong words that you included in your writing. Though this did not distract any from your story, rather it just enhanced it.

I believe all deaths are different and like you found many times, everyone deals with death differently. One of the ways I dealt with the death of my grandma was through reading Two Kisses for Maddy. Reading your book made me feel less alone. I was able to relate to the feelings and even some of the occurrences you so beautifully wrote about. From the entire book, I clung to this passage most, “The people I encountered in public had no clue what I was going through. It’s not that I expected them to- obviously strangers don’t generally know what’s going on in another stranger’s world- but my entire life had fallen apart, and it felt crazy to see everyone around me continuing on as if nothing at all had happened.” This was exactly how I felt after she died. My grandma was admitted to the hospital for some tests only a week before she unexpectedly passed away on my eighteenth birthday. Like you encountered with Liz’s death, I had no idea anything was wrong with my grandma, especially nothing bad enough to take her life, and I was not prepared for the hardship it brought with it.

I often went to the basement to read Two Kisses for Maddy so no one in my family would see me cry. For a few weeks the pain from the loss of my grandma resurfaced so much while I read your book that I had to take a break from it. Thankfully, I picked it up again and finished it. Reading about your life returning to a normal pace and about you going back to work gave me hope for my own life. I read about how you ultimately overcame her death, but continued to keep her joyful spirit alive and a part of your daughter’s life. This gave me the reassurance I was lacking that even though I couldn’t do anything to change what happened, things would eventually get better. Your book was a vital step to my healing process of my grandma’s death. I also learned the importance of hanging on to what you do have and those you love. I’m not sure how you would have survived the death of Liz without Maddy, just as I could not imagine trying to deal with the death of my grandma without my family.

Sincerely,

Maddy Demeter

The last stretch of break. #bittersweet.

2012-01-03T00:03:00.002-05:00

Because it is the last night of break and because I want to finish it off doing something I love. Though I probably don't have time to do each event what it deserves. Also. In the near future I will add pictures, hopefully tomorrow. But today I have encountered (and fingers crossed) fixed more than my share of technology problems.

My mom, Maria, I drove to my cousins' house on Thursday December 29. We played with Gracie, their new golden retriever puppy. She is so soft and fluffy and has the cutest face. She mostly sleeps. A lot. More than I do. And she runs from one toy to the next. She also bites a lot. And has accidents on the carpet. I don't remember that part of Maggie's puppy days. But I am so thankful Maggie is more mature than that. As cute as they are, puppies are way more work and definitely not as smart. Which isn't expected. Mostly I just am thankful for and love my own dog very much.

And it was my cousin Sarah's sweet 16! Yay for her! We celebrated by going to play laser tag. Which was actually pretty fun. We also went out for pizza and had ice cream cake when we got back to their house.

We spent the evening playing their Christmas present from us. It was a game called scribblish and so much fun. You start with a phrase, and they're all very very strange. Then you write it on your paper and draw a picture of it. Then you push it up so the written part is hidden and pass it on so the person next to you can only see your drawing. Then they write a caption for it and push it up so the person they pass to can only see their caption and that person has to draw a picture. You continue this until it makes its round and you end up with your own. We all laughed and laughed a lot from the things that they turned into. It was so much fun. Especially the people who were poor drawers and the other people who made very specific, intense captions.

Friday December 30 we hung out at their house. And watched and played with Gracie. And played Just Dance 3. Of course, Jacqueline dominated us all.

When we got home Josue came over to hang out. We were watching The Notebook, but I mostly just tried to nap.

We had practice that night. There were only a few of us that showed up and we got through everything so we got done 45 minutes early! And I did one of my best vaults all year (apparently I need to run harder) and I got my long hang pull overs again! Yay.

Then I packed for a few days for my dads. house.

Saturday December 31 I woke up early and went to The Lord's Pantry with my dad. Mostly there isn't anything too different from the other times I've written about. Though there was an especially large amount of bread today. And a handful of guys that were really helpful and eager to help out in any way. Also I love that some people are starting to not only recognize me, but even know me by name and things about me. The guy who does assigns people help at holding bags and Ralph, who helps my dad manage the room with the bread and vegetables. We had to leave before it was over, which I felt really bad about. But I had to get home for my next adventure.

At 12:30 I went to Grace's house. Our table at the cheese cake factory had mad plans to hang out again and to try sushi. I was so thrilled it was actually happening! Grace, Olivia, Adrienne, and I drove to Lafayette to Purdue's campus, only to find that the sushi bar place was closed over break! We were let down, but it just encouraged us to hang out again. We ended up eating at Chipotle. It was interesting. Pretty good, but just so much food. We also got to talk a lot, which is always good. About boys mostly. In general and our own specific boys. Also about our plans for New Years and for school next year.

Before heading home we stopped at Von's and Target. Both lovely places. Von's is a bookstore that has expanded and has lots of beads, music, comic books, cards, clothes, and jewelry as well. There was so much that it was a little overwhelming, but it was so much fun to look around at stuff. I ended up purchasing two simple pearl-like beaded rings for Maria and I. I love them!

At 7:30 I headed to the neighbors' house to babysit their son, Noah. It wasn't the most exciting New Years Eve plans, but when they called I had nothing better to do and figured it'd be decent money. The first hour was full of them and their friends watching basketball and running around the house getting ready. Then, Noah and I hung out a while before I put him in his crib. I hated hearing him cry, but it didn't last long. Most of the night I spent on the couch watching tv and sleeping. I also had to get Noah once who had woken up. Finally, at 3:30 the neighbors returned home. I was ready to go home and get in my own bed. Although, I was a little disappointed at the pay I received. Not even earning $4 an hour for the 8 hours I spent my New Years Eve babysitting. Oh well.

Sunday was January 1! 2012! I hung out at my dad's most of the day. I slept in quite a bit and later went to Sarah's house. We watched Friends with Benefits. Though we had to fast forward through parts so I could watch the end before I had to go. I also made a scarf/necklace thing while we watched it. Though I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I rushed home to my dad's house, changed, and went to church. Even though my dad went to mass that morning, he went again so I didn't have to sit alone. I was really thankful. I was signed up to be a Eucharistic Minister, which is why I went to the youth mass in the first place and not the morning mass with my dad. But Father ended up telling me he didn't need me and that I could go sit back down while I was on the altar. Instead, he had to people doing the blood of Christ and he did the body of Christ all by himself. Passing it out I mean. (also its weird referring to it as that. Because usually I just call it the wine and the bread/host. But I guess thinking about it, by the time we receive it, it has became the body and the blood.)

Monday January 2 I hung out at my dad's most of the day, trying to motivate myself to do my homework. Blah. I also went to Fantastic Sam's finally to get my hair cut. I dragged Sarah along, and felt kind of bad because she just sat in the waiting area. I was just so scared to go by myself. I also felt bad when I finished because I didn't tip the girl who cut my hair. But I wasn't sure if I was supposed to. I didn't mean to not tip her :( I do believe that getting your hair cut is so good therapy. 1) getting your hair and head massaged and played with. 2) looking better=feeling better. 3) usually the hairdresser talks to you. Today she only talked about the necessary questions about my hair. I dearly miss Robyn, my hairdresser that moved. Which is why I haven't gotten mine cut in so long.

At 7 I came back to my mom's. I finished homework and (hopefully) fixed my computer and my printer. I unpacked. I watched an Oprah about Steven Tyler. And told stories from my break.

More importantly than being the last day of break, January 2 means Josue and I have been together for four months. He has helped me out through so much and been the reason behind many of the smiles I've had. He is so sweet and truly does care about me, as do I care about him. I think that since we've been together, we have both grown. But I think he's especially grown into more of his full potential and is much more mature.

Maybe I will eventually write like a New Year post. But in case I don't I will post my assignment that I wrote tonight for school tomorrow.

More of Christmas break!

2011-12-30T22:58:00.004-05:00

Saturday was Christmas Eve. December 24. I woke up early again for gymnastics. It was optional, but I just figured I’d go. Turns out I was the only one. It was kind of nice though. I didn’t have to share or take turns on the equipment. And best of all I got both of my coaches attention the entire time. I worked on my floor routine and on bars. I even got a long-hang pullover and came close to getting peach baskets.

We went to Christmas Eve mass at 4pm which was the children’s mass. Before mass started there was the children’s nativity scene/play. I could hardly see, but it was just so cute. There was also a children’s choir that was really good. We sat right behind them. It reminded me of the mass at Aly’s church at NCYC. During his homily Father asked all of the kids younger than 4^th grade to gather around him. He asked them what they wanted for Christmas. Most said DSI, playstation, iphone, ipads. Crazy. One said a car. And another said a big brother or sister. Aw. Then he asked what the one thing they wanted most a few years ago was. He told them to look around and look at how few of hands were in the air this time. He then went on to explain that we sometimes forget about things even if just a year ago they seemed so important. That is true for most gifts and presents. Besides the love of Christ and the fact that he died for us all. His love and grace never gets broken or lost or runs out of batteries. We never grow out of it and should never forget it.

After mass we had a big family dinner. Josue also joined us. We had pork roast and potatoes and rolls and cheese cake for dessert. Josue also brought some food from his mom. After dinner we all played Apples to Apples. It was really funny playing with everyone. We also opened a few gifts that evening. Josue and I exchanged our gifts. I got him a pair of Nikes and a cd I made him. He got me a white fuzzy Northface and an iphone dock. I love my jacket. It’s so warm and soft! My family drew names and we opened those presents from each other. My mom had me and got me a dvd called The Christmas Blessing. Which was a sequel to The Christmas Shoes. I received it last year because it had Rob Lowe in it! He was on the cover of this one too. But he was hardly in this one. It was still good. And still brought tears to my face. It was sad enough that the man remembered losing him mom, but it made me think of my own Grandma which was the source of my sadness. I just miss her.

Finally. Sunday was December 25. Christmas! I awoke at 7:30 to Michael shaking me saying “presents!” Maria and I followed him out to the living room. My eyes were hardly open as I ripped off the wrapping paper to my gifts. I got a lot of clothes, books, money, and an UP bracelet that tracks your sleep, steps, and what you eat. It was fun to watch everyone else unwrap theirs too. We tried out our new waffle maker for breakfast.

Than got ready for church. We went yesterday, but we figured we should go to the 9:30am mass with my dad. It was a lot less people compared to the children’s mass. During Father’s homily he mentioned one would need to light 2011 candles on a cake for Jesus’ birthday. Maria turned to me asking why someone would do that. She didn’t understand what lighting cigarettes on a cake even meant. I was confused what she was talking about and she clarified with me that “Father said 2011 camels on a cake. Wouldn’t that be cigarettes? Because why would you put 2011 camels on a cake.” After I explained to her that she misheard and father said candles we tried to contain our laughter.

After coming home from church we played our new Just Dance 3 game for the wii. It was so much fun! Maria and I loved the new song selection. Then we got ready and went to my dad’s about noon.

When we got there we played a game of blokus before eating lunch together. And I won! For the first time. For lunch my dad made lasagna and garlic bread. The table looked so fancy. Then we had chocolate mousse type cake/pie. It was all very tasty.

Next, we opened presents. We all tried on our shirts and thanked my dad. Maria and I also got a coupon with money for shopping with my dad. We were excited to be able to use them.

We hung out at his house the rest of the day and watched Elf and napped and ate some more. Then we left and went back to my mom’s house at 9pm.

Monday morning yet again, I did not get to sleep in. I woke up at 7:15 to go to Lafayette with my dad. He wanted to hit the mall and miss the crowds. We went to Old Navy and Hollister to exchange sizes for Maria and I’s shirts. At Charlotte Rousse I bought two new dresses that I’m excited about. One is even purple! (well light purple). Then we went to Macy’s and shopped for my dad.

When we got back into town, I met my dad at the gas station and he washed my car. Then I drove it to his house for more work. I vacuumed it out, then we changed the serpentine belt. And by we, I mean mostly my dad. But I did hold the flashlight. I was a little scared, but my dad got it. He can really fix (or clean) just about anything.

I left my car in his ~~workshop~~ garage, and my mom picked me up. I showered and got ready, then Dan, my mom, Maria, and I headed to Circle Center in Indy around 2:30. They let Maria and I walk around which was pretty fun. I discovered that Delia’s has a size short in jeans as well as a shorter size-petite. Good to know. I ended up spending some of my Christmas money from my Grandparents and purchased a belt, a headband, a skirt, a sweater to wear with leggings, a pair of jeans, and a pair of shoes. All, of course, on sale. Like the sweater was originally $44 and I bought it for $9. I just find that things are so expensive they generally aren’t worth buying at full price.

We ate dinner at Circle Center at Johnny Rockets. I had a grilled cheese and oreo shake. It was so cute. The chairs and booths and thing that the shake was served in. But mostly our sweet waiter. When all of the waiters lined up in the front and were dancing a girl that must have been about 2 or 3 got out of her chair and started to do the moves they were doing. It was so cute. And our waiter was helping her out and trying to show her what to do next. He was precious, as was she.

Tuesday December 27 was like a personal day. A day of cleaning and decluttering. Bringing happiness and relief and room to breathe. I unpacked my big blue duffel bag from my dad’s house as well as my new Christmas clothes. Then I did lots of laundry. Lots of loads. And I watched as Maria placed bag after bag in the hallway of clothes she was getting rid of.

Oh! And I woke up to white! It snowed! I do love the first snow. It just makes things look so pretty. I took advantage of our first snow and good thing because it didn't stay long. I went outside in my pajama pants and boots and took lots of pictures. Maggie and I even played some soccer. Because nothing stops her from playing.

Around 3pm Sarah came over. She’s been in California on break visiting family, and hadn’t been to our house in a long time. Too long. She is part of the fam basically and even my mom was starting to ask about her and missed her. We played lots of rounds of Just Dance 3. We were both full of energy and excited to play. It gets intense. Then we sat on my mom’s bed while Maria tried to help her get rid of clothes (more like tried to throw out my mom’s clothes). It wasn’t really a joint effort. Sarah and I and my mom just laughed and laughed. At Maria’s persistence. At some of the clothing from my mom’s closet. And at my mom’s reasons and defense for keeping things.

Practice was a bitter one. Well I guess practice was alright. But afterwards we had to take down the floor (well and everything else. But the rest isn’t such a big deal). I was a little skeptical about it because Kim had a family emergency and wasn’t able to be there. And he has a very important role. Luckily Ally’s dad and Marka’s nephew filled in. North’s team was also there to help us and everything went well. We actually got it down faster than I anticipated.

After practice, as promised, my mom sat on my bed in my clean room and helped me go through my clothes. I was so inspired by Maria’s success and reminded multiple times by my mom that, “decluttering makes you feel better and happier and also leaves you with a less messy closet of all things you like” that she read in ~~her~~ my new book called The Happiness Project. I didn’t think I would find many things to let go of. But I pulled out each piece from my closet and each piece from my drawers a few at a time which really helped. I ended up with a big pile that consisted of 23 tshirts, 3 skirts, 11 dresses, 7 sweatshirts, 11 long sleeve shirts, 9 tank tops, 5 pairs of shorts, 1 pair of capris, 1 pair of leggings, 4 pajamas, 2 pairs of jeans, 2 belts, 2 hats, and one swim suit. I haven’t gone through all of my jewelry or shoes yet but I did find a necklace and pair of shoes to give away. I am just so proud of myself and really do feel better. Some of my clothes (and Maria’s too) we are going to see if Plato’s closet will take. And the rest we are going to donate to the Well Baby Clinic or somewhere else that will take them.

Wednesday I woke up and drove to the Parks house at 8:30 to babysit Jensen! I was excited to spend the day with such a fun 2 year old. When I got there his dad, Nate, was still feeding him breakfast. I sat down too and observed Jensen eating an omelet and cereal with blueberries mixed in. I also watched as Nate questioned Jensen a lot. Not that he was skeptical or anything. But he was trying to get Jensen’s mind to grow. For instance, when Jensen said he was eating a plant (just kidding around clearly) Nate asked what did it taste like? I don’t know how to explain it, but asking questions rather than just accepting what a kid says seemed to spark creativity and let them express themselves and learn on their own. All I know is I liked it. You can’t just teach someone the facts, sometimes just asking the questions and letting them think through the answer is a muchhhh better result. Even questions that push them in a clear, straight direction to the answer.

With the exception of eating a snack at 10:30 and lunch at 12:30, Jensen and I played all morning. We played cars and did puzzles and played legos and then went upstairs and played with lots of trains and also catch with his blue and orange ball. I still can’t get over the fact how advanced he seems to be. Like when I thought he said “the fans turned on” he was actually saying “the furnace.” What a big word for a 2 year old. We played a little more after lunch, then went upstairs for his naptime. He picked out two books, The Little Engine that Could and Corduroy. Then he sat on my lap in the rocking chair and listened intently as I read them. I love reading out loud. It reminded me of my childhood and made me feel mom-like. I just love when parents read to their kids. I don’t actually know if it makes a difference, but I assume it makes a big one. And I just love the idea of it. I guess really I do love reading. I felt bad leaving him in his crib, but that’s what his parents instructed me to do. Plus he wasn’t alone. He had the whole gang. Cookie, Big Bird, Elmo, Bert, and his blanket. While Jensen napped I may have done the same. The couch in the living room was so comfy and the blanket was so warm. Plus I woke up early and hadn’t stopped playing. I slept light and continually had an alarm on my phone so I frequently woke up listening for Jensen. But he never did. I used the rest of my time to work on my last blog post. The night before I had gone through my days in my head and figured out what I’d done all the way back to the 17. I wrote it all out on sticky notes. I’m all about list making. Then, Nate came home around 5pm and I left.

Things were kind of in my favor that we didn’t have practice. Though I feel guilty saying that. It was canceled due to the death of my coach’s brother-in-law. My heart breaks for them and the rest of their family. I could not imagine losing someone so young, in his 50s, and especially during Christmas time. Not to mention from an unexpected car accident. Death is just so hard no matter what the situation. I am continuing to pray for them and their family, and extra prayers are welcomed.

Not having practice gave me time to breathe and not rush as I grabbed a few dresses and pair of heels to bring to my friend Clancy’s house. I believe there were about eleven senior girls gathering at her house. We were all looking our best in curled, or straightened hair, dresses, high heels, and cute coats. We took turns getting ready in between eating candy that Clancy bought and drinking sparkling grape juice and soda. We were going to dinner in Indy at the Cheesecake Factory. Not for anyone’s birthday. Just to get everyone together and for a reason to get dressed up!

The ride there was interesting. We took two vehicles. I am still in awe at Clancy and Grace who drove. I just don’t think I could drive to Indy. Especially during the heavy construction that is all over. They did great though! When we got there around 10pm they weren’t able to push tables together that we could all sit at. So 5 or 6 of us had to sit in a booth. They decided we would just sit with the people in our cars. I was a little upset because I felt like the night was an outing with the 4 girls I was with rather than all of them. But I was happy to spend time with such great friends regardless of how many I actually got to hang out with.

The first half of my [much needed] Christmas break

2011-12-29T01:46:00.001-05:00

~~Picutres to come. You should probably wait for them before trying to read it.~~ Done!

December 17^th was the first Saturday of break. And how did I start it off? Going to CHS at 8:00am. We had plans to set up the floor (the spring floor for gymnastics which consists of 2 layers of boards totaling 100 boards, strips of foam, and carpet type rolls). When we arrived there, we were informed that basketball was going to practice at 10 am in the aux gym, and we couldn’t start setting up until 12:00pm. Ally, Sami, Marka, Kim, and I were the only ones there. We sat and talked for a while in the hallway. Then Marka and Kim left. Ally, Sami, and I checked out the wrestling meet-but they were still just warming up. Before deciding to go back home for another round of sleep, Ally, Sami, and I came up with an idea to do secret santas! We were so excited!

I hardly woke up in time, but made it back to the high school by noon to set up the floor and all of the other equipment. North’s team also came to help because they were going to use our equipment over break too. Usually we have to put up and take down everything every practice. But during winter break there is a stretch of ten days where we get to leave it all out, and put up the spring floor. It is so so nice to be able to keep things out. I wish we could all year. The basketball teams have the main gym. And the decks. They could even go to the Andy Robinson gym or Tuttle or something. But we literally only have one spot that we can practice in. Because our bars connect to the floor in that gym only.

I went back to my dad’s and decided to paint my nails similarly to a picture I saw on Pinterest. I used a tooth pick and a steady hand and painted white polka dots as snow flakes and then snowmen on my thumb nails. I

love them. And was surprised at what I was capable of!

Saturday night my dad, Michael, Maria, Emma (Maria’s friend), and I headed to Indy for dinner. Little did we know how crowded and crazy it would be. My dad called Buca di Bepo on the way there to try to make a reservation. But the earliest they could get us in was 9:30! We got up there around 7:30ish, but by the time we found a place to park it was 8:00pm. I loved when we drove by the corner with someone playing Christmas songs on his saxophone. We went to Circle Center and just as Maria was finding an armful of clothes to try on at Delia’s, my dad called us and said they have a table for us.

We all shared garlic bread and cheese pizza. I love Italian food, but I can’t say that Buca di Bepo compared much to my Grandma’s cooking or Mama Leone’s in Florida. I did love all of the pictures that covered the walls, especially the black and white ones. Oh! And when Maria and Emma went to the bathroom during dinner they secretly found our waitress and told her we were celebrating my dad’s birthday! So before we got the bill all of the wait-staff came singing. Kudos Maria.

Sunday December 18^th I went REINdeer shopping with our youth group at Wal-mart. I was with Leslie Warren and Emma Servies. Emma and I both had girls under 3. We got cute outfits and winter coats then went to the toy section. I was so happy when I found the package of two baby dolls and a stroller. I loved playing with dolls when I was younger and hoped this little girl would as well! When we checked out we all had to be together so Leslie could pay for the presents for the 6 kids all together. Our cashier was named Alisha and couldn’t have been more helpful or sweeter. She was very interested in the project we were doing and said it was just so great to see people still doing this. She also said that she loves living in a small town like Crawfordsville where people come together to help others out. She even numbered each bag for us so we could keep each kids stuff separate. Alisha looked about my age. But I believe she had a wedding ring on, so I’m not sure. But we were all touched by her sincerity.

We made it back just in time for 5:00 mass. While everyone headed into the church, I jumped in my car and picked up Josue really fast. I loved that he came with me to mass! I liked sitting beside him, and trying to help him understand and follow along. Father talked about Tim Tebow in his homily and I was glad because I figured Josue could relate to that connection. I love the connections that Father Dennis uses during his homily. It just makes me grasp the ideas better.

Monday the 19^th was a fairly slow day. I went to gymnastics practice. And afterwards I picked up Josue and we hung out at Colby’s house. Hilary, Nathaniel, JD, Amit, Taylor, and Tyler were also there. We watched Horrible Bosses which flashed me back to OLAB.

Tuesday December 20^th, Maria and I met her friend Emily at the animal shelter. First we washed two dogs. I felt so bad for them because they clearly did not like it. Especially the second one, who was shaking.

Then, we decided it wasn’t too cold out and we could walk them. The three of us picked out to Labrador shepherd mixes that were in a cage together. They were so cute and so playful! Before leaving, Maria and I spotted the cutest boxer puppy. It was only like 12 weeks old. We couldn’t leave without holding it. My heart breaks for all of the dogs and puppies that are caged up there. Adoption is definitely going to be in my adult future. It’s so hard for me to even imagine that there are orphanages with kids that need to be adopted and loved. I just want everyone to be saved and feel loved. Including all the animals!

After gymnastics it was finallllly time to frost the Christmas cookies! We do this every year at my Grandma Demeter’s house. It was so hard to know that we were doing them at our house this year because she passed away and wasn’t at her house baking them this year. My dad used her sugar cookie recipe and frosting recipe. But the frosting just wasn’t quite the same. She made the very best. My Aunt Helen, Maria, and I would always sneak tastes of it as we frosted.

Josue joined us for frosting! He had some difficulty at first, but we helped him. It turns out he wasn’t a stingy froster, he was just struggling. There are two kinds of frosters. Those who stretch the frosting as much as they can, and those who pile it on. Thankfully, our family has Maria, Aunt Helen, and I who know how to frost. Everyone wants to eat our frosting filled cookies! We had lots of colors of frosting and lots of different cookie shapes and also sprinkles. My dad was a very neat freak about it. Like I mean paper covering the table. And paper-lined pizza boxes to frost and sprinkle inside of. And as if that wasn’t enough a sheet on the floor under the table. Wowzers. My Grandma used to just put newspaper down.. But I guess. Things are different now. Including the tradition of frosting sugar cookies. Kind of.

Wednesday the 21^st Maria and I brought cookies to Homestead, a cute store downtown where she works. We also finished up our Christmas shopping. We went to my mom’s for a bit where we wrapped presents. I also wrote and sent a Christmas card! To Sarah Wright! I was so excited to have someone to send one to, I never have before.

Thursday December 22^nd was an early morning. I woke up, showered, and headed to babysit my first time for Jensen. My friend Alex worked for them on their organic farm this summer. When I was without a job all summer she recommended me as a babysitter. Things were just hectic, and Emily never needed me. But she got in touch with me a little while ago and I went to their house as an “interview.” Their whole family is just so precious, but especially Jensen. He is two years old. But you would probably never guess it. He really is so aware of what’s going on and knows a lot. His colors and letters and where Indiana is on the map. Not to mention Texas, Mexico, and Brazil! He also knows a lot about his toys that we played with all morning. Most of them are trucks and cars and tractors. He reminds me a little of my cousins Seth and Brody who are also fond of similar toys. His parents are doing such a good job with him. They clearly spend a lot of time with him and do not baby him. He also does not watch tv. I definitely feel like kids learn and grow so much more from playing and making up games than they do from watching tv.

Before we left for gymnastics practice, guess who arrived at our house! Aunt Elaine! She lives in Tennessee and stayed the night before heading to Iowa. I just love my dad’s big family and was happy that I atleast got to see one aunt during my break.

I finally had floor music worked out. My music is from the song Just a Dream by Nelly. Samantha Williams had been coming to practice with Lisa who is coaching Turkey Run’s lone gymnast. Lisa also has a gym that some girls from my team go to. But she doesn’t have a vault or a floor that’s the size of the one we compete on. So they came while we had equipment up. Anyways. Sam graduated from Southmont in 2009 and does gymnastics in college. She worked with my basically the entire practice and came up with a floor routine for me. But I kind of wish she could just do it. She’s so good at all the dancing part and makes everything just look so pretty. Hopefully I can get it down as good as she has it. I was really intimidated, but she was so sweet and didn’t even laugh at me or get frustrated when I just didn’t get it.

After practice we made lots of things. We frosted gingerbread men and other cookies. Even Michael and Lexie showed up and joined in. I don’t think I’ve really ever decorated gingerbread men before but it was so fun making them look like people, or other characters. Michael and Lexie came from my mom’s house and brought my mail. A big packet from Depauw and one from Xavier. My acceptance letters! Yay! It is just going to be so hard to choose where to go. My heart may be set in St. Louis University. But Xavier is second.

Friday December 23 was not only my cousin Seth’s birthday, but also my Grandpa’s! I called him to wish him a happy birthday, though he wasn’t able to talk long because he had to finish vacuuming. I did call them a few days before and talked to them for a while. I felt bad I hadn’t been keeping in very good touch with them. I just love them so much and miss them when they spend the winter in Florida.

We had morning practice and did our secret santa gift exchanges! I gave Ally her’s, and she was excited especially about the socks. Marka drew my name and I got a blanket, cute socks, life saver gummies, lotion, and headbands! So cute. I just really do love the gymnastics team.

Aunt Elaine left in the afternoon and afterwards Maria and I left my dad’s too. We thought we were there until Christmas day, but I guess not. We came to my mom’s. I picked up Josue a little later. Not long after he got there, we went to Wal-Mart and bought Elf. Then, we came home and watched it with my family. It’s just such a great movie. Really.

I survived finals.

2011-12-18T20:29:00.002-05:00

Wednesday December 14 was our first day of finals. The schedule went review periods 1, 2, 6, 7, exam 6, lunch, and exam 7. I lucked out and got to sleep in an extra hour and come to school at 9:15 in time for review period 6. My first two periods are health careers and Crawfordsville students didn't have to go to class. Both the review periods were pretty pointless. There isn't much that can be done in 30 minutes. My sixth period is honors government. For our final we had a packet with information about religion in school and a case dealing with religion in a graduation speech. We had two essays we had to write arguing whether each incident was constitutional or not. I wasn't even really sure which side to pick or what to say. But I know that it was much better than any test he could have given us. Then we had a white elephant gift exchange. I brought a tin full of Reese's and ended up getting a mug with hot chocolate, candy canes, and a bead necklace. Other people received a bar of soap, a boomerang, old CHS football dvds, a painting of a cat that someone's grandpa did, and "the ultimate survival kit." This was the perfect class to do it in. The setting couldn't have been better. Mr. Gerald and Mrs. Roman were in their second annual decorating contest. Mr. Gerald won last year, and held onto the trophy this year as well. He had a fireplace, at least 10 Christmas trees, and tons of lights.

Since we are seniors we got the full lunch hour, instead of eating half the time, and being in homeroom the other half. We ate in the aux gym where ping pong was also set up. I just watched though.

Seventh period I have yearbook. We had a big party. Everyone was assigned food to bring-and everyone came through for once. There was cookies, homemade chex mix, fruit trays, carrots and ranch, a cheese ball and crackers, puppy chow, and popcorn. The 6 staff members left, the student assistant, and our teacher turned the desks to make a table and shared our food. We also shared gifts. We each drew a name a few weeks ago and got that person a present. It was a surprise who everyone had until we gave each other our gifts. I had Kym's name and got her nail polish and a necklace. Brittnee had me and I received a mug and chocolate, nail polish, lotion and body wash, gum, chapstick, and kit kat bars. It was so sweet. -And she definitely exceeded the around $5 limit. Then, we continued to eat food and watch Remember the Titans. This class is basically like a family. We are all close. I'm not sure if Mrs. Harms would be like the mom figure or just one of us. She is one of my favorite teachers. She just understands kids so well, maybe it's the loving mother in her. She is also really funny and a good teacher.

When I went home-after stopping by Kecia's office and ordering a pair of black shoes for work- I was too excited and filled with the Christmas spirit to take a nap. Instead of sleeping, I organized and cleaned out the pantry. There were so many items that we had more than enough of, and hopefully the organization will help to eliminate buying duplicates.

Thursday December 15 was my dad's birthday. He turned 50!! We were supposed to be at his house Wednesday night, and I would have woken up at his house to tell him happy birthday. But he was working in Illinois. So I called him instead. Not quite as good.

Then, I went in the kitchen and started cooking baked oatmeal for my health careers class. It was really warm this morning for some reason. It was 60! So I took advantage of it and wore a skirt. Because sometimes I just get tired of pants. Since health careers final was our 3 1/2 page paper, we had breakfast and watched the end of the movie To Save a Life. Breakfast was delicious and there was so much to chose from: cinnamon rolls, breakfast pizza, keesh, breakfast casserole, baked oatmeal, smoothies, breakfast casserole, biscuits and gravy, and seven layer bars. There was also milk and orange juice.

After eating and watching the movie, we were going to play games. But no one really remembered to bring them, so I ran to my house and grabbed what I could find. We ended up playing scategories. I love that game. Marlee and I were on a team and did pretty well, but were not the overall winners. I also love the class. It is my very favorite. I love what we learn about and am so excited for clinicals next year. But I also love all of the girls (and one guy) in the class and that we are from different schools and that it is at a neighborhood clinical and not a typical classroom and our teacher and that she is an RN and teaches us.

Our schedule for Thursday was exam one, break, exam two, lunch, review periods 3, 4, and 5. However, my teacher had to go to work at 10 so we just had class our normal time. From 7:45-9:40. This left the Crawfordsville students free to do as we wished until 1:15 when we had to be at school for review period three.

I went to Hose to hang out with my mom in her classroom. We got the kids from the library. Then, I took two at a time into the hallway. One had a tiger paw pointer and pointed at words hanging up in the hallway, the other kid had to read the word that was being pointed to. Some of them were really good readers. Others were really good at sounding out each letter and wanted to be challenged. I never thought about how there was a point when I didn't know how to read. I think it would be so hard to teach the basics and fundamentals of anything. Basic math or basic reading or the alphabet or how to write. I would want to just be an art teacher. Hands down. Then, I helped Jacob with a worksheet that everyone else had finished. He was working contently at his desk, but he needed a little more guidance. We put zoo animals in alphabetical order together. He was so sweet. Before I left it was time for self read. Aaron read a book about Mud to me. Many other kids wanted to, but I didn't have anymore time.

At 11:30am I had a library date with Hannah and Marlee. We went upstairs to one of the cubicles.We were meeting to work on our stats review assignments and thinking of things to write on our half sheets that we get to use during our final. I just couldn't concentrate. I didn't do anything really the entire hour. Hannah had info for her half sheet all written out and said we could copy it. We didn't have much time though-so we took the easiest way possible and copied it with the library's copy machine. Hey whatever works.

Hannah left to go eat lunch with her dad and Marlee and I were off to Little Mexico for lunch. We debated the idea, and ended up walking there and leaving our cars parked at the library. We were proud of ourselves and decided the walking and the whole entire schedule of the day felt like we were college students. And we loved it! At Little Mexico we met Tyler, Clancy, and Laci. All from our Health Careers class. We all love the restaurant. The workers. And the food. Yum! Way better than eating school lunch food in the aux gym.

We were tight on time by the time we finished. We were going to ride with Laci back to our cars-but her car was too messy. Marlee and I weren't going to be able to fit. So we decided we would walk back. Well I actually decided we would run. And we did. It was pretty funny. It was maybe 3 blocks away? But we were both pretty winded when we got to our cars. And we beat Laci and Clancy who drove! Crazy.

(these were taken while running. It's hard to hold a phone and take a picture while running.

I was a little late to my third review period. Ms. Race's class. I was just so happy from all of the events from the rest of the day. I had done so much and had so much fun. When I got to her class I was still winded and couldn't sit still. She asked me if I was okay. Probably because I never smile or seem alive in her class. (Unless of course Hil and I are talking and making jokes). But maybe it was because I was out of breath. We basically did nothing that period.

Fourth period I have stats and for our review we were give a half sheet of paper and allowed to write anything on it. I copied down the info from the paper we copied of Hannah's.

Fifth period I have psych and we went over our review guide and asked Mrs. Rainwater questions. We also started watching A Beautiful Mind.

After school, and after driving home with Maria and I screaminggg because of the spider in my car, Josue came over. We watched a Hallmark movie with my mom while I worked on my stats review. Then I took him home on Maria and I's way to gymnastics practice. In the car Maria and I talked about how he is so sweet and how it's so cute how much Maggie likes him and how she always runs right to her soccer ball.

(it won't let me rotate these pictures. And I'm tired of trying to figure out a way to trick it into letting me. But they're too cute to leave out. Props to my photographer Maria.)

After practice, I came home and studied the rest of the night. I was pretty worried about stats because when I did the review assignments I had to look up how to do each problem. I was also worried for English.

Friday December 16 I had a full day of school and a full day of finals. When I got to school I went to my third period for our exam. First we broke into two groups and discussed an article about Walmart in China from our Atlantic magazines. This was really frustrating to me. Partly because I didn't exactly read the whole article, which was my fault. But also partly because the other members of my group just spoke way too fast and I could never get a word in when I tried. But Cole always listened to me. And one time he raised a hand for me to talk. How nice of him. Then we all went into the classroom to take our blue book. We had a question about Chaucer- and the thing we were supposed to read of his we didn't even need. That would happen to me. I also didn't have my book with me and wasn't able to use it like the other kids were. That was frustrating. But I figured I wouldn't need it because she never told us-plus the tale that we were supposed to read (and I did) wasn't in our book. Whatever. We also had an essay about two random poems about stars. And of course-she didn't have our portfolios graded to show us. Doc always did. I miss Doc.Clearly.

During our break I sat with Hannah and tried to figure out the other stats problems that we didn't get. Soon it ended and we went to stats to take our finals. They were 50 multiple choice questions. I wasn't quite sure how well I did, but I ended up doing really well! I got an A on it. Which was unexpected. And exciting!

Lunch we had back in the aux gym. I didn't really eat. But I helped Clancy study our multiple choice part of our psych study guide.

Then I went to psychology for our last final. There were 100 questions. Matching, fill in the blank, and multiple choice. We were allowed to use our study guides on the test-but not the page with the matching. It made it really really easy. I was so thankful for that final. Then, we continued to watch A Beautiful Mind.

I got a pass from the office saying I had to go down there at 3:04. Which meant I was getting something. I was really excited, because it is always exciting. And unsure of who it could be from. Because my sunshine lady had already given me something Christmasy. But it was from her! I got a super soft and cute snowman blanket, a loofah with a Santa on it, bath and lotion stuff, and candy. She is so sweet. Oh-I also brought a present for her. A jar with cookie ingredients and a snowman ornament.

Maria, Ally, Sami, Alyssa, and I stayed after school to workout for gymnastics. Ally led us in a workout for a little while, then we went home. I packed for my dad's for the week and went to his house. Once Michael and Maria got there too we had cake and ice cream for his birthday and he opened up his present. Then we hung out the rest of the night.

December 3-12.

2011-12-16T23:35:00.001-05:00

I will add pictures tomorrow. And it will be much better.

Like always. I'm behind. So here's a brief catching-up of recent events that are worthy for the blog.

Saturday December 3rd I went to gymnastics practice for a little while. It was optional and we had it because the floor was set up for a cheerleading competition. I was the only one who showed up. After we waited for the long-drawn out award, Marka and I practiced on the floor.

Then I left practice, and headed to Megan's house. Towards the end of the week, Hannah and I convinced ourselves that we should go to the Christmas dance. So we all met at Megan's. But I ended up going to Hannah's sister's house where she has a hair salon. While she worked on their other sister's hair, Hannah did mine for me. It was already curled, but she worked wonders with the bobby pins and it looked lovely. Then Arica did Hannah's hair, and we drove to Megan's together. Hannah and I reminisced to the last time we went to this dance, our freshmen year. We all still laugh about that night at Alex's house: where Shane caught the bread basket on fire at dinner, my date had a red shirt and my dress was pink, and Hannah spilt candle wax down her dress before we left the house. At Megan's house things were much different. We threw on our dresses, snapped a few photos, and piled into the mini-van and drove to the high school. The dance had a better turn out that I expected. It was a lot of fun with more people. I did love the music and attempting to dance. I love the energy and the movement of any dance floor. But my favorite part was just dressing up and hanging out with my friends.

Monday December 5th was our NAHS Christmas party. It was such a cute idea. We met at the art gallery downtown where my teacher is one of the 20-some artists, and one of the ones who has gallery space there. I got there in time for a tour of the gallery and the different artists' studios. I love the variety of media and styles used. I felt so alive and in the right place as we walked around. I was sad and disappointed that I couldn't stay any longer because I had to go to gymnastics practice. Everyone was instructed to bring art supplies for a holiday craft or something to eat. I left supplies and instructions for these snowmen. I made one the night before and loved it.

After school on Tuesday the 6th I met Emma at Walmart, and Hannah later joined us, to shop for our REINdeer child from our stats class. He was a two year old, liked trucks and trains, orange was his favorite color, and he needed clothes. Emma and I loved shopping in the little kids section. We got two pairs of pants, 4 shirts, a train toy, and a little car toy? I believe. It was so cute and so much fun.

Friday Dec 9th I turned in my health careers final paper. I tried to work on it throughout the week, and did. But I also did a lot of it Thursday night. It was a 3 1/2 page single space paper. I did mine over narcolepsy, and I learned that even though I am a great napper, this is not what the disease is-and I obviously do not have it. After I finished it, I felt very accomplished.

I usually get the mail, but Friday Dan was home before me and got it. Before heading to my dad's for the night, Dan brought in a package for me. It was my Friendship Bracelet Club sweatshirt!!! I was so excited and put it on right away. And wore it as much as possible. I loved it. The color. The no hood style. The saying. Who sent it. And what it is a part of.

Friday I made spur of the moment plans and went to Clancy's house to hang out. She was in most definite need of a girls night, and I was hoping for something to do. We laid on her parents bed and finished watching Gossip Girl so she was all caught up. It is so much better to watch the show with friends. Then she introduced me to Pinterest. She loves it. I love it. She invited me and I set up an account. It is so much fun and so creative and inspiring and an easy way to get lost in time.

Saturday December 10 I fought the sleeping-in desire and quickly got ready. Then I drove with my dad to Indy to The Lord's Pantry. It was good to see so many eager volunteers! I loved when the lady I held bags for had little girls that talked to me through the entire line. They were so sweet and had cute hats on. Before leaving, my dad and I ate soup from the kitchen. A lady that comes every Saturday pulls food from the tables and cooks while we are setting things up. It always smells delicious and I was happy to eat. This day she made a soup. My bowl had a chicken leg in it, a potato, lots of broth, and she squeezed lime juice in it. She also salted and rolled up a tortilla for me to eat with it. During this lunch I made friends with her daughter Jennifer. She was six and very sweet.

Saturday night and Sunday I worked. Sunday was so much fun. When I got to work a little before 1pm, Kecia was just about to pull out and I got in her car with her. Perfect timing. We drove to the Whites' house, the president of Wabash. Soon the truck came and eventually everyone was there. Kecia, me, Quinn, Alicia, Candy, Dee, and Marianne. Later the cooks came and so did Mary Jo. We unloaded everything from the truck. Everything that you would need to cater and event for 200 people. We kept our stuff in the kitchen and garage and set up two tables of food in the house. Alicia and I worked on one table, Quinn and Candy on the other, and Marianne was at the bar. I also was introduced to Mr. and Mrs. White. Mrs. White recognized me from church, and I honestly just felt so special. Soon it was time-and people started arriving. Alicia and I stood near the door and took people's coats after Mr. White greeted them. Then they would say hello to Mrs. White and wander off to find other people to talk to and things to eat. Mrs. White was the perfect host. They both knew everyone and exactly what to say to them. She often commented on how festive or how nicely people were dressed. Even though it wasn't directed towards me, listening to it made me feel good. I loved when people I knew came in-and acknowledged me. I saw Doc Hudson, Sarah Warner's dad, Morgan Rater's dad, The Roberts, The Douglases, and Berry Morton. Alicia and I took the coats to the porch and hung them on the racks. Once when I went back there, I came to the sight of many of the coats sprawled upon the ground. We had heard a snap earlier, and it ended up belonging to one of our coat racks. It was really overwhelming, but just so funny. We took the coats from the broken rack and put them in piles on the couches and chairs. As people left, we were in charge of helping them find their coats. This was a little difficult, especially if they had a black coat. I suggest if buying a coat, or attending a formal event, to not get a black one because while yes it may go with everything, everyone else thinks so too and it may be hard to find. But eventually we got everyone's coats back to them and they almost all left on time. Then we cleared everything out of the house and loaded it onto the truck. Then, we all drove back to Wabash and unloaded everything. Finally, I headed home around seven pm. Oh also! Their house was absolutely gorgeous. I loved it. It reminded me of the Lane Place, or any other fancy house. It was very clean and well decorated. I even got to go upstairs! Gorgeous. Also the food was really good. I mostly liked the desserts. Yummm! And I loved the formal social (and high class) gathering. It reminded me of Gossip Girl.

I worked on my portfolio when I got home for a little while, but ended up falling asleep. Of course. I fell asleep at about 10pm, and my wake-up alarm failed. I finally woke up around 1am and got off the couch to work more on my portfolio. I worked on it until about 2:30 then slept until 6ish-when I woke up to finish it. It was awful. Kind of. --A portfolio is part of our English final every semester since freshmen year. We take all of our pieces of writing from the semester, usually totalling around 30. Then we sticky note each one-commenting on the pros and cons of it focusing on style, diction, voice, structure, whatever. Then we divide the pile in half. The half that's "out" we leave alone. The half that's "in" we do a second round of sticky notes. Then we divide the pile in half again and repeat until the pile consists of 3 papers. At this point, they are our final papers. We then revise them. Our final step is to write a letter explaining what we learned from our writing and such. It takes forever. Forever. I tried to work on it early, so I would be ahead and not leave it until the night before. I had the entire first round done before Sunday, but it was just hard with gymnastics and work and my narcolepsy paper. But I did it. What a relief. My last one. EVER.

2011-12-05T23:03:00.000-05:00

I just really miss my Grandma.

Finally found some time to blog!

2011-12-03T11:50:00.006-05:00

I have been so busy and juggling so much and doing a lot lately. But apparently not blogging. I didn't realize I haven't posted anything since ~~November 9~~. Apparently I blogged the 14, but saved it as a draft instead of posting it. But it is now published on my blog where it belongs instead of hiding as a draft. I am sorry. For me, because I love to write, and for any of my followers that check it only to see something they've already seen (Aunt Michelle).

Although I have been working on a post about NCYC. But it is just so long and I haven't finished it.

Saturday Nov 12 I went to Depauw with Sarah, her dad, Bailey, and Abby for the Monon Bell Game. The Monon Bell game is huge. It is the annual football game between rival schools Wabash and Depauw. We followed Sarah's dad around the big tailgate, or "Wabash city" and he called it. It was really funny and a little awkward. Then for the game, we sat in the student section-even though we stood out in our red against everyone in their white sweatshirts. And Wabash won! Woohoo! We kept the bell again. It is in it's rightful place.

Monday Nov 14 I got a very exciting phone call: informing me that I have been ACCEPTED TO SLU (St. Louis University). I'm so excited. I loved SLU when we went to visit. So far I haven't heard back from Depauw, Xavier, or Dayton-only SLU and Hanover so SLU is definitely my top choice! Might I add it basically is my top choice out of all of them anyways.

Wednesday Nov 16- 19 I went to NCYC. The National Catholic Youth Conference. I'm not going to write anything more because I (hopefully) will have a long post telling everything about it.

Monday Nov 21 I got a gift for my sunshine lady. Basically sunshine society is a club at my school that does serivce for the community. But you can also pick an ideal lady and it's like a secret santa thing all year long. You give them a note or gift once a month until March and sign your name with a number- I'm sunshine girl #31. And then if they have something for you they send it to your number and the office gets it to us. I love it. I got my ideal lady a pair of earrings and wrote a note using this quote, "If you want to live more, you must master the art of appreciating the little everyday blessings of life. This is not altogether a golden world, but there are countless gleams of gold to be discovered in it." -Henry Alfred Porter. I love it.

That same day I also had my first night of work! I worked an event with Alica, Candie, and Elizabeth. I love that it is on the job training, because I learn so much better from actually doing things myself. It was pretty fun. We served a pool league in Trippet hall. The people in long beards and jeans and harley davidson clothes didn't seem like they were in the right setting at the fancy dinner, but I liked the contrast. We also got to eat what they ate once we were done serving. For dinner I had beef & noodles, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and granny smith apple cheese cake with caramel sauce.

Tuesday Nov 22 we were practice gymnastics. Like always. Then Sandy showed up! She was home for Thanksgiving break and watching her brother at his diving meet. When I was a freshman and sophomore I was stuck to her side during gymnastics season. She is so sweet and sincere and encouraging and we just became great friends. I loved that she came to see us!

Wednesday Nov 23 I went to gymnastics after school. Just Maria and I. And Becca! Becca was there to paint her board of the floor, a senior tradition. I was so happy to have seen two old team members, at practice, in the same week! I love gymnastics and all of the girls I've been on a team with and the fact that it's like family.

That night after practice, we rushed home, packed, and drove to the Vanderkolk's! We stayed the night and had Thanksgiving with them. Jacqueline and I were very happy to be reunited. Although I was sad to leave Thursday instead of stay until Saturday like Maria did. I love all of the home made food and the family time that Thanksgiving entails. I'm all about it. Although I couldn't help but let my mind dwell on the fact that this year we weren't the only ones missing from Thanksgiving at my Grandma's in Iowa. No one would be gathered there.

Sunday Nov 27 I went REINdeer shopping with Sarah, Kayla, Brennan, and Marlen for NAHS. I love this program so much. I still haven't figured out if it's just a Montgomery County thing, or if its wider spread. But we buy kids their Christmas presents who would otherwise get nothing. We have their name, age, size, favorite colors, and a list of their needs and of their wants. We used $80 for NAHS and bought a winter coat, mittens, a hat, pajamas, underwear, socks, boots, a stuffed animal, a hair set (with clips and pony tails and a brush), a plastic animal toy, pencils, sticks, flash cards, crayons, coloring book, and clip on jewelry. It feels so good doing it, and it is fun seeing how much we can get with our money. I am going to do another REINdeer child with my Statistic class and am so excited. Mr. Hunt talked to us on the intercom during 4th period and said we still have a lot of children that need to be taken care of. Emma decided that we should each pitch in money and go shopping as a class. There are only 6 of us. And I'm so excited to get to do it again!

I have come to the realization, again, that I love hearing people's stories. Thus, I love reading memoirs. I finished Two Kisses for Maddy by Matt Logelin on Sunday. I also bought another one called Chalked Up by Jennifer Sey. I can't wait to get the time to read it. I also wrote a scholarship essay for Xavier about Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. (which I must add that my friend Morgan worked hard on critiquing for me so I could edit it before sending it off).

Monday Nov 28 started our first week of real gymnastics practices. Monday-Friday from 5:45-8pm. That's always exciting!

Tuesday Nov 29 we had our first snow. This is kind of bittersweet. I have mixed feelings towards it.

Wednesday Nov 30 was a great day for senior honors (AP whatever) English. We had been working with Beowulf lately. A teacher that just retired, her husband actually translated and got his copy of Beowulf published. Both are named Doc Hudson. So we call the husband Mr. Doc. They were both in the room as he talked to us and I loved it. I loved seeing his passion for something and that he said it stemmed from a great teacher that he had when he was introduced to it. I agree that the teacher can make all the difference. I had his wife, Doc Hudson for English my freshman year. I loved her. It was so rigorous and hard. But she was so encouraging and understood what we would write, and help develop our initial thoughts into ideas that I didn't even know I could think about or work with. I loved how she would write on our papers exactly what needed to be changed so that we would know how to make ourselves improve. Besides that, she had almost every paper graded and handed back to us the next day. So that we could discuss them and our mistakes and strengths as a class when they were still relevant and fresh in our minds. She was the master grader and teacher. She would always encourage us to "write to learn" which could also be taken as "right to learn" when said verbally. Both she and Mr. Doc are so intelligent and full of knowledge, but they are very humble and don't just try to prove what big words they know the meanings of or what background of the English language that they know about. It just subtly slips into their conversation. I wish I could have more days of either of them teaching. (Though I can't say I was interested in Beowulf or most of Mr. Doc's talk, I was still co captivated to listen to him present. That's how great he is).

Wednesday I spent the night at my dad's. It was great. I hadn't been with him in so long it felt like. My car also got it's first ever night in a garage!! My dad cleaned out some of the boxes that have been piled in our garage since we moved into that much smaller house. My car, and it's driver were so happy! Especially because for once, I didn't have to scrape ice off of it when it frosted over night! Instead, I was able to take in the beauty of the sunrise. Woo hoo!

I also should mention that I was struggling and feeling behind during the rest of the week, but suddenly Wednesday everything seemed under control and still and I finally was able to just breathe. And relax. And sit back and see that everything was okay (mostly referring to school work).

Thursday was the first day of December! My, this year has gone by fast. I also worked again. This time it was with Alica and Candie and Keaton and Kecia. We served an inquiry group or something? Teacher from different colleges. I'm not sure. I do know that many of them were so engaged and intrigued in conversation that they often didn't notice I was trying to put a plate down in front of them. For dinner they, and we, had chicken with a slice of ham and lots of sauce over it, mashed potatoes, and white chocolate cheese cake with raspberries. I also learned, and helped set up for breakfast the next morning.

Friday December 2 was a lovely day. After almost an hour at my Health Careers class, we left and headed to Even Start! We love Fridays because for us they mean going to the developmental preschool and playing with the kids. We were supposed to switch classes, but I think I'm one of the only ones who ever did. Most of us fell so much in love with our initial class rooms and the kids that we couldn't switch. But finally, Laci and I found where we belong. This Friday we sat at a breakfast table in the gym with Katlin, Serenity, a boy, and Dallas. Marlee (a high school student) was also at that table. I loved that Serenity recognized me and still wouldn't talk. She's always so shy in the morning and contently eats her breakfast while I smile at her and ask her questions. Then there's Dallas. She often runs away and is stubborn. This day she continued to glare at me with an honorary look and eventually ended up throwing her packet of jelly at me. But she's not in my class. Then, breakfast was over and the kids got their coats and back packs and went to their classrooms. I followed my girl Serenity. We spent most of the time reading books together. She is so sweet. I loved that when we read I was So Mad, a Little Critter book, over and over again she eventually read it to me. She focused on the baby, who only appeared on the last two pages. But all throughout the book she "read" about how Little Critter must be quiet because the baby was sleeping.

Laci and Hannah were also in this classroom. Laci stuck with her girl Alliah and also chased Jose Miguel around. Hannah was stuck to Savannah's side.

We sat down with them as they put glue on paper gingerbread men. It was so funny seeing some kids drive their entire hands write into it, and others barely stick one finger in the mixture of glue and shaving cream. I was sitting next to Serenity of course and Isai was next to me. He was a mess and even had it in my hair. He also got a full hand-print on my sweatshirt that was comical the rest of the day when anyone would notice.

We were so sad when we had to say our final goodbye to our kids. But we are hoping to work something out where we can go over there during our finals or something.

At school I had a present waiting for me from my ideal lady! She's so sweet. It had gumdrop lotion and cherry vanilla lip gloss and a santa with skittles and sparkly nail polish. So exciting to receive!

I also worked again on Friday. For the same group as Thursday. This time I worked with Candie, Kecia, and Quinn. I love that each time I work it seems I get to meet a new employee. Everyone is so nice and willing to help me out. This time it was a buffet, and for dinner the group and later us, had rice pilaf, vegetables, beef with mushroom sauce, salmon (I didn't eat that), and chocolate cake with raspberry sauce.

blogging is my own therapy. in a sense.

2011-11-14T23:11:00.001-05:00

There are just so many things running through my mind right now. I need to get them all down somewhere so that I can clear my mind a little and get some sleep.

I just don't even know where to start. Just so many things.

Well. After school I went to the youth room-which is the basement of the rectory. Amy was there and Elizabeth and Jose and Angel. We sorted yellow t-shirts and cow hats for all of the kids attending NCYC from our diocese. And that is quite a few. Even our little parish has 20 some kids. Kind of stressful making sure we had the right numbers.

Then the sky got really gray and the clouds were zooming across the sky. The Davidson's were very worried and made it down the stairs to the basement to take shelter- even with their walking canes and old bones! But Elizabeth and I decided we could face it and ran up to drive home. I made it home no problem. There was no tornado, just a watch. And some rain. And maybe hail?

After dinner I drove to Wal-mart where I met Elizabeth and Tori. We were shopping for snacks and trading items for NCYC. They got a lot accomplished, but I was more in it for the fun.

While we were there I got one of the best phone calls possibly that I have ever received! My admission counselor from SLU called to tell me he had reviewed my application and I have been accepted and even qualify for a scholarship. I just really loved it there. And it's really cute that they call!-minus that I'm one of those people who dislikes opening presents in front of people because I don't have an outward reaction and expression really-so it was kind of hard to express all of the joy and excitement I felt within when he told me the news. I have basically been thinking about it non-stop since!

I have also been thinking about physical therapy as a possible major/profession. I would still be in the health field, but I wouldn't have to deal with the blood or guts or anything. And I wouldn't have to deal with death, or doing something wrong that could lead to death or worsening a patient. And I wouldn't have to see people who were struggling and very sickly. Plus I would most likely have more of a regular, consistent schedule without emergency calls that would allow me to have a family eventually. I talked to the man who called me tonight from SLU about it-not about all of this, just about the possibility of changing from undecided to physical therapy and he said to be sure to e-mail him right away if I did. So I went home and did just that.

College is just so overwhelming. To try to decide which one to go to. (Although so far I've only been accepted to SLU and Hanover). And the money is overwhelming too. And all of the different scholarships and the different requirements and deadlines and everything. Wow. Just so much.

And today is Monday! Which means Gossip Girl. The show is just so addicting. I love it! And I have been thinking about what we talked about at Life Teen- and while yes the show does have some different values than the ones I hold myself. But I am justifying it by 1) I'm not looking towards it for guidance. Just entertainment. I am mature enough to separate entertainment from influencing my lifestyle and choices. But 2) I feel like between psych and personality tests and college and thinking about majors I have taken a lot of personality tests and been guided a lot to see what peeks my interest. This show particularly captures my interest because of the plot. I love watching the relationships between people as they are formed and carry on. I also love trying to make connections before they are revealed and try to figure out what could happen next.

Speaking of NCYC. We leave Wednesday after school and get home Saturday at like 1am. And I am stressing a little. I just like things to be laid out exactly and all of the little details and kinks worked out. -For example the extensive planning and organizing I did when I took my senior pictures. I wish it was laid out on paper exactly what to bring and what we were doing and who I was rooming with and just all of that. But I will just have to breath and go with the flow.

More on the personality thing and finding out things about myself- am flexible as I can be, I love when things are as organized as possible. I love schedules that fit exactly to a T (as I think about it, I remember trying to plan my birthday parties down to every minute when I was younger). I probably do best when I know what to do and where to go and what to expect.

Maybe this partically ties into some of my frustration with English. She never hands out written assignments or prompts. And never ever do we get rubrics or expectations. So then when we get graded harshly it seems to me a little unfair because I don't know how to know what she wants from each project. And when she doesn't write any comments or leave any markings besides the grade I never know what I did wrong to deserve the grade-so I don't know how to improve on my weakness and improve my grade on the next paper. But I just need to let it go.

As you can see my mind is racing faster than I can handle. But I will try to do some deep breathes. And know that tomorrow I will have 1 and 2 periods as a study hall and can do my homework then. And that it was worth it to put it off until then because I got to spend this part of my evening blogging and letting it all out.

Also another frustration about NCYC is missing Thursday and Friday and not knowing my assignments or what I need to make up from every class yet. But I will get there. And things will be great.

Love love love

2011-11-09T23:20:00.001-05:00

Driving from Health Careers to school this morning there was a moment of blue sky and sunshine. I was happy that I could embrace it and capture it for the instant it lasted.

But during the day, and when I got out of school it was old and gray and colorless.

Even though it stayed like that for the rest of the day until it turned dark, that was not the way my day went. I had a loveeeeely day!

I crawled in my bed when I got home. I turned out the light, and the little that would have came in from the window was blocked by my brown blanket. Then I covered up under my warm layers of blankets. I almost never fail to fall asleep- it kind of impresses me.

I got up and packed for the night at my dad's. I was happy to see him, because there was a mix-up Monday night and I didn't get to.

He dropped me off in my car (I needed dropped off and sometimes he thinks he should drive "his" green car since he rarely gets the chance) at Arni's. Lauren, Darcy, Megan, and Hilary were already there. We all pitched in money and bought 2 pizzas and bread sticks. They even got one of the pizzas with half cheese. Then, soon Hannah showed up. And so did Cole!! He works there and we were really hoping we'd see him. Every time he walked by, which was quite frequently, we clapped for him. Over dinner we talked about colleges and the boy of Costa Rica and our English homework.

I rode with Hannah. We followed Darcy and drove down an alley that I didn't even know existed. We parked, not sure where we were going. But luckily a door opened up from the wall of the building, a door that I also didn't know existed.

We were welcomed into My Artz Desire. Katie's mom owned part of the studio and it's where Katie's party was held. Which is why we were going there.

When we got in there, I tried to soak it all in. I loved it. Everything. All of the tools and colors and organization and artwork and creativeness.

We sat down at the tables and Elizabeth, the owner, showed us some of her canvas painting and explained to us how each one came to be. Then we all got colors of paint. I really wanted purple and teals, but they didn't match with red. And I wanted to create something that could go with the walls in my bedroom. I chose red, lime green, and yellow. We also got water and brushes, then sat back down.

Then, we each passed out a blank canvas. They started out all the same, just waiting for us to make them our own. Elizabeth led us. First we put water and color on the top of the canvas and held it up so it dripped downwards. Then, we turned it over and put paint and water on the other side, running the drips together. We added as much, or little as we wanted and started to mold them into very unique pieces.

We left them to day, some laid flat, and some tilted so they would continue to drip.

Then she gave us another demonstration for adding texture and layers. She showed us paper and stamps and water colored pencils and a book and newspaper. Then she told us to create.

I wanted to try to rip pieces out of the book and form it into a leaf, but it just wasn't working out. Then, I cut a tree out and single words about nature and happy, good-feeling adjectives.

While we were working she cut the cake and passed it out. It was vanilla cake with cherry jello in it and vanilla pudding as frosting. It was light and moist and unique and fit perfect with the rest of the night. There was also music playing in the background- mixes of music put together by Katie. I loved singing along to some of my very favorite songs like Upside Down by Jack Johnson and Drops of Jupiter by Train.

Then, I added some love birds to my painting. When I painted them blue to stand out, I saw that my tree mentioned the word bird multiple times. I did not know this, or realize it earlier. But when I noticed it, I was estatic! It was meant to be and went together so well. I was just so very excited. I highlighted them in the same blue paint to tie it altogether, but maybe I should have left it for people to realize all on their own.

The more I look at my painting, the more I see about it that I love. And also some things I wish I could change. I love that the only slanted lines on the painting are attached to one of the birds. I didn't notice that until I got home either. It seems as if it could be his flight path.

I loved walking around the room and looking at all of my friends' hearts being poured out into their projects. They all looked very different, and also like the person that did them.

We helped clean up the brushes and throw away our paper plate paint pallets and wipe off the tables. I was sad to leave, but so happy to have been there. My heart was so joyful and in it's right, true form.

I want to be able to create everyday. I love using my hands to make something physical like my painting or a ceramic piece or a collage of photographs or a greeting card.

I also love to create with words. Not only like the ones I used in my painting from the book, but also words of my very own. I couldn't think of a more perfect way to end this beautiful day, than to finally sit down and blog.

I also want to love. I want to be with people that make me happy and that help me to rise to my full potential and that influence me for the better and that are encouraging. And then, I want to show them love and gratitude and let them know what they mean to me. Maybe someday I will start and write a note, one a day, to someone I love telling them what I love about them and how they have helped me or what impact they have made on my life.

Moments I want to remember

2011-11-09T22:27:00.000-05:00

This is catching up stuff. That needs to be blogged about, and had needed to for a while. And I finally have some pictures I can add! YAY. well some.

Last week, I'm pretty sure on Thursday, Laci and I were walking from psychology to lunch. We were the only ones in the hallway. Then Mrs. Stonebraker came along. We both had here last year for Integrated Health. I loved that class and I loved her, but I hadn't talked to her since last year. She said hi to us then we stopped in the middle of the hallway and she put her arm around me. I figured it was just going to be a hug, something I really didn't expect. But I didn't expect this to happen either: she said, "about a month ago you were driving behind me." My mind started to race about what I could have done wrong that she was upset about-maybe I got too close to her car or my music was too loud. Then she said she kept looking back at me and tears were just pouring from my face. She said it broke her heart and she wanted to turn around and talk to me. But she called another science teacher, Mrs. Ricke, to see if she knew anything. I don't know why, but as I stood in the hallway with her arm around me I started to tear up. Maybe it was because of the flash back to that drive home and remembering pulling out behind someone from CHS with blond hair that kept looking at me. Or maybe because of the fact that I still can't believe my Grandma died and every time I talk about it, it becomes more of a reality and less of a bad nightmare. It could also have likely been because of the respect and admiration I had for Mrs. Stonebraker and to see her care about me. She told me I didn't have to tell her what was wrong, and honestly I couldn't. I told Laci she could tell her and Laci said that my Grandma passed away. Mrs. Stonebraker hugged me and said that she suspected it must have been something like that because nothing else would cause the emotion I was showing in my car that day. As we turned to walk away Laci mentioned that it was on my birthday and Mrs. Stonebraker said that she was so sorry, but to know I'll always remember her-and when I do to think of the good memories.

Friday in my Health Careers class is my favorite day of the week-no matter what we are learning about. We went to Even Start, the developmental preschool. When Laci and I sat down, the girl beside me wouldn't talk. She just ate her breakfast and smiled at me. Then she went to speech and Laci and I went to a classroom with some of the kids we were sitting at. I played play dough and did a puzzle with Wilie who needed to work on using her inside voice. I wiped Taty's nose when she sneezed and snot dripped down her face. I laughed at Jose Miguel's giggle as he'd run and hide. I broke up fights that Katlin got into and held two different kids that got pushed down and cried two different times. Addison and Elijah. Each of them cried and clung to me, holding on until they stopped. It broke my heart, but I loved being their comfort. Then there was Serenity. The girl who I sat down next to at breakfast. When she came back from speech, she no longer shy and talked to me a lot. She had the sweetest smile and dimples. I watched as she painted, wishing I had that in my classroom. Then I helped her wash her red, messy hands.

Saturday morning my mom, Dan, and I dropped Maria off at work. Then we went to my Grandparents' house who told us the food we needed to eat and the last minute chores that were unable to finish. We brought their bags and climbed in the van. We stopped for them to say goodbye to Maria at work, then headed to the airport. I will really miss having them around, but I know that they probably do better in warm Florida. I can't wait until April when we get to visit them, and then May when they return home.

Sunday at the 5pm mass Joe Sadowski did a walk through mass. Before things would happen, he gave a brief background and description of what was happening and why. It was a lot to take in, and made mass go really slow. But I did really enjoy it. I love the traditions of the Catholic church. (and just traditions in general). I liked that he explained Jesus chose to use bread and wine. The bread is universal and found in every culture. It was also fairly simple and inexpensive. Another important aspect of it is that bread if fulfilling and sustains you. Choosing alcohol was no coincidence. Joe explained that yes, drinking it makes us happier and act different. This was the point. Once you drink the wine (blood) and are filled with Jesus you should be changed and feel more lively.

After mass, I went to lifeteencville tshirts.

For English for Monday our assignment was to come up with a riddle of a common object. Here is mine:
I can be found in all 50 states
Even Crawfordsville has well over 10 of me
Often times when people claim I'm broken, I still work
In fact, I work overtime but do not get paid for it
Some people like to listen to me
I can lay down a beat better than any music on the radio
I am made up of 4 sections
My team colors are blue and red
I have a life time warranty
But my size and how long I last usually varies

What am I?

In class on Monday our teacher read them out loud and we had to write down our guesses on a piece of paper. Out of all of those smart and intelligent people in my class guess who got the most correct! I did! I really love riddles and problem solving when given clues.

Monday instead of taking my after school nap, I was very productive. I cleaned my room and decluttered and found stuff to throw away!

My mom went to a meeting Monday night and we weren't quite sure what to do with ourselves. So Dan and I sat on the couch and played Family Fued on our phones for an hour and a half. We both love it. It just is so much fun trying to think of the answers.

[Maddy's] Daily Affirmations

2011-11-03T00:14:00.000-04:00

Just a few more thoughts:
I like painted finger and toe nails.
I like cleaning my room at night.
I like outlines-especially very organized outlines.
I like visiting people I love.
I like improving and accomplishing things.
I like to sleep under lots of blankets.
I like black and white photographs.
I like reading blogs and personal essays and memoirs.
I like learning about things I'm interested I'm an intrigued by.
I like sweet tasting foods and candy.
I like guitar music.
I like the smell of laundry detergent on my clothes.
I like when my dog lays still long enough for me to pet her.
I like gymnastics leotards.
I like the sense of relief and peace and calmness after I pray.
I like Chapstick.
I like taking naps after school.

But now it's time for me to go I sleep.

I am so thankful for everyone in my life. No matter how big or small of role they play.

2011-11-01T23:24:00.000-04:00

Tonight I have a lot of thoughts:

1) The song: You Love Me Anyway by Sidewalk Prophet

It took more than my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find
All the reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And why do loved ones have to die?But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
Obviously I first think of my Grandma Demeter. But also of my Grandpa Demeter and brother Matthew. And Aunt Madeline. And Lucious Newsome. Also of Liz Logelin.

2) Who is Liz Logelin? The mother from the memoir I am currently reading called: Two Kisses for Maddy. Tonight I made it through the saddest chapter, barely. Even with it's sadness, it is beautiful and lovely and precious and courageous and I advise anyone to read it.

3) Tonight was our second open gym for gymnastics. And tonight I got my back handsprings!! All by myself!! I'm so excited. Also I love my coaches and teammates and leos and everything about the sport.

4) If I could drop any class, it would still by English honors. I just lucky to have Josue to walk with after and before that class and Hilary to sit besides during it.

Now working backwards.

1) Monday October 31. Halloween. Aunt Wendy's birthday:
             -After school Hannah and I received our soccer senior presents from the team. They are large blankets printed with pictures of Hannah and I throughout our CHS soccer career. I love them. The idea was just so creative and exciting. Last night I slept under it.
              -I sat on the front porch with my mom and with Dan and helped pass out candy to trick or treaters. I realized how much I really love little kids and how adorable they are. I loved the little ones in their cute costumes and with such polite manners. We laughed a lot when my mom told a little girl that she had a beautiful costume and she responded to us with, "Well. I think you are beautiful! All three of you!" Then she ran down our sidewalk to her mom and smiled as she told her mom that she just didn't know what to say. I was also really happy to be visited by my friend's little sister. Her name is Jessica. They pulled up in a car and she and another girl got out and ran to us. Then back to the car. We weren't sure who it was, but noticed that they were clearly specifically coming to our house. Then Jess ran back and said "It's me! Jessica!" and she gave me a big hug.

2) Sunday. October 30. My mom's birthday!
             -It was my mom's birthday. And I just love her so much.
             -At 12pm I had an interview to be a babysitter. I was worried about being shy and not knowing the family. But right when the mom, Emily, opened the door and welcomed me in I fell in love with their family. Jensson, the two year old whom I will hopefully be babysitting was adorable. He was so content and happy and really smart-he knew his colors, letters, shapes, and some words when they were written out on paper. I wanted to stay and play with him all day. I could tell his mom is a great mother. She told me about how she doesn't even know what channel Disney is on because he doesn't ever watch tv. Not because she is opposed to it, but because they are always busy playing. She loves him and obviously wants what's best for him. His grandma has been his only babysitter, and it is a good idea to have someone come to the house and meet them before trusting them to watch your kid. His dad, Nate is also really sweet and involved. Such a cute, happy family. I really hope things work out to where I can babysit for them. Oh and not to mention they have a gorgeous dog named Max that is part yellow lab and part mastiff.
           -We went to 5pm mass and Josue joined us. I was so happy and proud of him. I could not imagine just jumping in and going to church. But he did it. And was great. Having gone almost every week since I was born, it didn't even occur to me to explain things we did beforehand or to have things for him to follow along with. But he seemed to handle it well. I hope that he at least got something from it.

3) Saturday. October 29.
           -I'm not sure how he did it, but Saturday morning my dad managed to wake me up in time to leave for Indy at 8am. I hadn't been to The Lord's Pantry once this school year, and I was really excited to be back. There were so many good things, besides the good that I get from it every time. For example: usually I am quiet and glued to my dad's side. But when we were standing in line waiting to help carry bags, the kid in front of me turned and asked about my Xavier shirt-if that's where I went to school. I explained that I'd applied and was hoping to maybe go there. He told me he is a junior but that he is interested in Xavier too. And Marquette. Towards the end, we talked again. About how long we'd been coming here and if we would be there next Saturday and what each others names were. His is Daniel. He also noticed that I was the girl in the pictures hanging up above the big freezer. I was shocked that anyone would made the connection and slightly embarrassed because that was when I wore a big retainer/appliance in my mouth. I was joyed with his friendliness, because I would never have been able to start a conversation on my own. As much as I love people, I am shy and it's easier if I'm approached first. I also liked when the guy who assigned people to help carry bags and helped pass out bags remembered me. He even remembered my name-although at the moment I forget his. And we talked about college. He told me that Dayton was where he went-which is one of the school's I have applied too. He also assured me not to worry that I'm not sure what I want to do yet because I still have a lot of time to decide and time to change my mind. Also-I'm always proud that my dad is the one to give the pre-talk now. But my heart ached for him as he got to the part about parents and having the best parents in the world and giving us a sure way to get out of debt with them the next time we see them. But for him, I realize it will be some time.
             -For my mom's birthday, Saturday night my house was full of people. Dan's parents and aunt, my grandparents, Michael & Lexie, Sarah, and later Josue and Maria. I love the liveliness of this group and the different lives and time periods we have all lived through. I love the optimism and love and encouragement and laughter that come from conversations with each of them.

For a summary, scroll down past this long, detailed, tear filled post.

2011-10-27T23:58:00.001-04:00

Tuesday my dad texted me saying he would be in Peoria until Friday for work, but that he should be home for us to come over Friday night. I got this message after soccer practice and drove home like I always did. Dropping off Payton first, and then going to my house. Josue didn’t have a game either that night, so he came over for a little while.

While we were sitting on the couch watching tv, my dad texted me at 8:30 saying, “If you can say a little prayer for Grandma Demeter tonight and tomorrow. She is in the hospital for a couple of days for observation and some tests.” I just replied okay and asked why. He said he didn’t know, and neither did they. That was the reason the tests were being performed. I prayed quickly to myself, but dismissed it. When my mom walked in the room a little later I told her about the text my dad had sent me. I didn’t know why it was hard to re-read to her. But fear and uncertainty struck my body. If it were for multiple days, something must be wrong.

I always sleep with my phone on my bed and subconsciously check it in the middle of the night. Sometimes I even reply to messages in my sleep. I woke up around 6am, an hour earlier than my alarm, and read this text message from my dad, “They are not sure what is going on with grandma, but they just left Mt. Pleasant by ambulance to take her to Iowa City.” I also had a missed call from my Aunt Michelle.

I tried, but I had an unsuccessful attempt at getting my other hour of sleep. I forwarded the text to my mom, who later came into my room and asked if I knew what was going on and if I was okay. I stopped fighting it and eventually got up and got ready for school. I am not one to get on facebook, or start my lap top in the morning. But this morning I logged on and posted on Team CILT, asking my fellow Camp Tecumseh CILTS from the summer of 2010 to pray for my grandma. Before leaving for my health careers class, I texted my dad to ask if they knew what was wrong, but he said they still weren’t sure and that she is in the icu area. I also asked if he was going there and he said it depends what they say that morning.

I told my friend Laci when we were in the parking lot after class. Again, I found it really hard. Just as it had been telling my mom. I kept it on my mind all day. After school was out I texted my dad, but he hadn’t heard anything and just told me good luck in our soccer game tonight. I know he was upset that he couldn’t be there for it.

I don’t even remember if I told him how it turned out. But he gave me the number to the ICU department of the hospital and suggested I call my grandma and tell her about my game. I wasn’t sure that was such a good idea, so I questioned it. But again, he told me to. I often talked to my grandma on the phone, but I feared this time it would be different on her end. After mustering up the courage, I called and asked to speak to Ms. Demeter. The man asked me to please hold on and was replaced with quiet music. After a few minutes, he returned and said she was asleep so I said thank you and goodbye.

I told my dad she was asleep and didn’t speak to him again until he called on Thursday. After practice I was tired, and went downstairs to try to sleep. I usually sleep well because it is dark, quiet, and cold enough to snuggle up under the big soft blankets coated in dog hair. But I just couldn’t fall asleep. My phone rang at 7:45. It was my dad calling. He told me that things just weren’t looking well for my grandma and that he was on his way over there. He asked if I would take Maria to the daily chapel at my church to light a candle and say a prayer. I said yes as the tears swelled up, flooding my eyes. He asked if I would rather him tell my siblings and I said yes. I walked upstairs and found my sister. I knew my dad had called, she was just as upset. And Michael was on the phone as I walking in the room.

Maria and I left for church, both crying. I took a lone dollar that was sitting in the cup holder of my car and we walked into the daily chapel. Maria lit one of the tall candles. Then, we went to the second row of chairs and kneeled. The blue chairs all have plaques on the back with names on deceased members of our church and our families. Our brother, Matthew’s happened to be one of the ones we kneeled behind. We fell to our knees, folded our hands, and opened our hearts. We prayed quietly. I was reminded of the night my dad and I went to the exact spot to pray for my grandpa Demeter. Maria and I finished and quietly left.

I texted my dad saying I loved him and telling him to drive safely. He called me back and said he was still on his way, but that my Aunt Christine who was there called him and said things just don’t look good and that she may be on her way to be with my grandpa soon. I cried and cried and finally my mom found me in my room. She asked me if there was more that I knew, but there wasn’t. She gave me some medicine and I calmed down and went to sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad headache. I went to the medicine cabinet in the kitchen, but there was no Excedrin to be found. I got my mom up, but she couldn’t find any either. I knew it was going to happen. It always does when I cry before bed. She laid down with me, placing a washcloth on my forehead, and rubbing my back until I finally fell back asleep.

My dad had texted me at 3:17am, wishing me a happy birthday. Evidentially he must not have been sleeping well either. When I woke up to get ready for school I texted him back thanking him and telling him I love him. I received a reply saying , “Grandma is here still with us. She is not doing well.” I also had a text from my aunt asking to stop and say a prayer for my grandma. She didn’t even mention anything about it being my birthday. But later in the day I found that I preferred it that way.

I asked my dad if they knew what was wrong yet, and he just said no, but that her body is very very sick. I tried to get ready for school, and I tried to act happy when my family wished me a happy birthday. But really all I wanted to do was cry. My mom had decorated the kitchen in streamers and balloons. But I didn’t not feel it was a time to celebrate. It had been a rough night. There were 4 cards laid out at the end of the table. I opened the one from my mom and Dan and a present they bought me. The card had money and the present was a TOMS shirt. But I couldn’t continue with the rest of the cards. I was going to wait until later in the day. When this all passed and I could show my gratitude.

As I walked in to my health careers class, I found that like my family, my friends were eager to wish me a happy birthday. They sang to me and asked me to please cheer up and smile. None of them knew. I didn’t want it to be my birthday. I wanted to be able to be quiet, and hide in the background.

It was a Friday, so after 30 minutes of class we were headed to the developmental preschool. My friend Laci put her arm around me and asked me what was wrong. But I couldn’t answer. It was even harder than the other times. She tried to guess, but didn’t ever say the right thing. I wanted her to know, but I couldn’t say it.

I got into my car and read this text from my dad, “I have told grandma that you love her. She was so proud of all three of you.” I tried my best to not let any of my classmates see me as they pulled out. I didn’t want them to see the steamy face streaked with tears.

When we got to Even Start, I felt even more separated from everyone. They had all been the week before when I stayed home sick. I stuck beside my friend Hannah and followed her like a shadow. Even though I tried to play it cool, my friends could tell I was upset. But eventually I lived in the moment and found reasons to smile and to laugh. These included when a little girl grabbed my hand as we walked outside for the fire drill, watching a little boy named Joseph play, getting a hug from a girl named Addy, and singing along with the kids. Joseph had blue glasses that were similar to goggles, besides the lenses of course. He was a wild man on the scooter and bike, flying around the gym in circles and crashing often. Then, he got in the black pick-up truck that runs with the movement of little feet and drove around. We loved watching him turn and look out the back window as he reversed, just as a real driver would do.

When we left I was the last one to pull out of the parking lot. There was no where I really wanted to be besides with my dad, and especially I did not want to go to school. I saw another girl from my class clasp her hands over her mouth and wipe her eyes before she pulled out. I wasn’t that close to her, so I debated for a while whether I should knock on her window and make sure she was okay or just go. I decided to send her a facebook message instead. After seeing her, things didn’t seem so bad. I had no reason for an outburst of tears, and suddenly forgot my own sadness that was lingering over my birthday.

At school I always had a big smile on my face when I got to walk with Josue to third period, but I couldn’t even bring myself to look him in the eye. He understood without any words. As the day went on, I went through my classes like normal, with an occasional class bursting in song, wishing me a happy birthday. This also happened at lunch when we shared the cupcakes my friend made our table. I didn’t want any of the attention, but even more I didn’t want anyone to suspect something was wrong so I went along with it all. Eventually, I became a little more comfortable and a little more focused on school. I even smiled a few times, including walking with Josue later in the day. Although I was very upset at one point when my friend asked me what I was doing tonight-and which parent’s house I was at. I knew I was supposed to be at my dad’s, but that he was in Iowa and I wouldn’t be going to his house. But I didn’t want that to be the case, I wasn’t accepting of what was going on in any way. I just answered her saying I’m not really sure as I tried to contain myself.

I had been checking my phone and bringing it to some classes with me. But I still hadn’t heard anything else from my dad. It was seventh period, yearbook. I finally had made it to the end of the day, and luckily no one in this class even knew it was my birthday. My phone vibrated a few times and I was hesitant, but I checked it. It was my cousin Jacqueline wishing me a happy birthday. Then at 2:43 pm, it vibrated a few more times than the last time. I pulled it out and saw my dad was calling me. I couldn’t answer it. Not because this of the school’s cell phone policy-this was actually the one class I could get away with it. But because I was scared it was going to be a call similar to one I received from him in eighth grade when my Grandpa Demeter passed away. He left me a voicemail. I sat staring at the clock in the bottom right hand screen of my computer. I texted Josue saying that I was scared and that my dad had called me. But he didn’t have his phone on him. I was hot inside of my jacket, but cold and sweaty and shaky. Finally, the announcements came on and the final bell rang.

I brought the pink slip I received to the office and they traded it for a bouquet of flowers sent from my mom. I then gathered my backpack, practice bag, and vase of flowers. I was struggling to carry them all. Then I went to Josue’s locker, but I couldn’t look at him again. We walked down to the locker room. I almost asked him to wait while I listened to the voicemail, but I couldn’t. He left and I went inside the girls locker room.

I set my flowers and bags down in the corner on the side where Hannah and I always changed. Then I took my phone out of my pocket and watched as the red light flashed, letting me know I had a voicemail. I listened to my dad talk in an upset voice asking me to give him a call. I tried to brace myself, anticipating what he was going to tell me. I figured I couldn’t cry anymore-I had already enough during the week. Plus I had myself convinced that when we kept a dream journal for my psych class just a few weeks before and I had dreamed that I was at a family reunion and I was crying, it was because they had served cantaloupe which made me think of my Grandpa. And even though the ship my Grandma was on had sunk, she had survived and was on her way to the reunion. I knew that my Grandma was strong and that she could overcome whatever had sent her to the hospital.

When I called at 3:11pm my dad he was crying, and immediately hot tears flooded my eyes and rolled down my face onto my new TOMS tshirt. My dad told me that my Grandma had passed away and was no longer with us. He told me he wasn’t sure when the funeral plans would be, but sometime next week. I couldn’t say anything, all I could do was cry. I said goodbye and we hung up. Then I turned to my best friend Hannah who was waiting for me with wide arms. She held me and let me cry. And I was able to tell her what had just happened. I know that more people looked at me, but I didn’t see any of them as I walked out of the locker room. Hannah walked with me, her arm wrapped around my sorrowing body. I asked her what I should do about practice, if I should go over to the field and tell my coach. But she said not to worry about it, she would take care of it. I called Maria and told her I was by the car. Hannah waited with me until Maria came out. Then, she hugged me again and went back to the locker room. My friend Sarah was in the parking lot and came running over, but stopped when she saw our tears. She hugged Maria, but I couldn’t even look at her.

Maria and I drove home, crying the whole way and holding hands. When we got home, Michael and my mom were also home. The three of us hugged each other and cried. I didn’t want to be alone, so I followed Maria into her room. Michael came soon after. We sat on her bed and continued to cry. My sister had an appointment with her counselor, whom we had all been to for various reasons. My mom asked us if any of us wanted to go, but there was no way I was going to talk to her-especially about this. Instead, my mom went.

I opened the rest of my cards and presents later which included money, a new wallet, a necklace, and a north face. I can’t recall if I ate dinner or not, but I don’t think I did. I just wanted the sadness to go away, but I didn’t know how to make that happen. I was too sad to do anything, and too much in disbelief.

I also looked at my facebook. It was always an exciting time, when you receive many many notifications, sometimes from unexpected people, or ones you have been out of contact with. But when I scrolled through the birthday posts on my wall, all I could do was cry. And think to myself, this is not happy and this is not wonderful and this is not spectacular. In fact, I might dare to say it is the opposite. And I cried knowing that this sad, upsetting death was on a day that was supposed to be one of the best days of my year. I guess birthdays always have been a little overrated anyways.

Finally, around 9pm we went to my dad’s. He had driven home to get clothes because he only had his work ones with him for the week since he was staying in Peoria, and I like to think partially to see me on my birthday. Even though it was going to hit me all over again, and even harder this time, I wanted to be with my dad. I wanted to be there for him and him for us.

We sat in the family room for a while, staying close together and letting the tears fall. It was a hard, sad, quiet night. Also during this time my dad got a card from the kitchen table and gave it to me. He said he was sorry that he didn’t have a cake for me, but I did notice he had drawn a cake on the envelope with 18 candles. I more than understood. Even though it is a little selfish, I was hoping to still receive two cards at his house. I was hoping, by some sort of luck, that my Grandma had got one put in the mail for me before she went in the hospital. She always had a card for each of us one our birthday. But I had no such luck. Again, I more than understood. But I still wished.

I’m not sure how I managed to calm down enough to get some sleep. But I eventually did. I went to bed that night one year older, but without a big piece of me and my family.

I still wish I wouldn’t have passed up the opportunities I had to spend with her. Less than a month before, my dad asked us if we wanted to go with him for Labor Day weekend. We were with my mom, and I had lots of plans- our family was coming up, we were celebrating my Grandma Ludwig’s birthday, and I was spending the night at Depauw with my friend. As much as I wanted to go to Iowa and see my family and go to Old Threasers, I passed up the opportunity. One that I would go back and trade anything for. Also, this summer we were supposed to go. But we convinced my dad not to bring us. I was tired and exhausted after getting home from New England and didn’t want to spend more time away from Cville, and miss more soccer practices. Even though later I found out it was moratorium week and I couldn’t practice anyway. Later, I had talked to my Grandma on the phone and she hoped we would come out another week in the summer and spend it with her-and we could even go shopping.

Since I have been born, I have made frequent trips to Iowa-especially during the summer. Even when my friends and I get together and recall old memories, the ones I don’t remember it’s often due to “oh ya-you were in Iowa Maddy.” I’m not even sure when the last time I had been to Iowa was-possibly at Easter if it was a year I was with my dad. It had been the longest time period I had been without going to Iowa and seeing my cousins and aunts and uncles and my Grandma. Now, I would give anything to go back and take both opportunities to visit her. It had been the longest stretch of time since I had seen her, and now I have to wait much, much longer until I am with her again.

I love you Grandma

2011-10-27T22:22:00.000-04:00

This is an essay I wrote and used for a few college applications. It is just a summary, a snap-shot. I started the first half of the detailed version. But now I fear I've waited too long to finish it and the second half will be missing a lot. I hope it isn't that way. But until then...

Friday September 30, 2011 was going to be my big day. It was one of those birthdays that have specified cards with the sparkly numbers “1 8” already printed on them. It was the day I turned eighteen and would become a legal adult, able to technically make my own decisions and able to buy white out all by myself.

But when I woke up that morning, I felt anxious and was full of uncertainty. I had a text message from my dad wishing me a, “happy 18^th birthday” and informing me that “Grandma is still here with us.”

My Grandma Demeter had gone to her local hospital in Iowa on September 27 for some testing. But overnight, she was transferred to a much bigger hospital in Iowa City by ambulance. I was miles away from my family, who was by her side in the ICU area, and I felt very disconnected.

At school when my friends eagerly wished me a happy birthday and sang to me, I tried my best to smile and look grateful. But, I know I struggled to do so successfully. The school day seemed longer than normal. I was thankful for the classes that we stayed busy in, because they kept my mind from wondering how things were going with my Grandma.

After the final bell of the day rang, I went down to the musty-smelling locker room to get ready for soccer practice. I set down the beautiful bouquet of flowers my mom sent to the school as a birthday surprise and checked my cell phone. The red light on the top right corner was flashing signifying that I had a voicemail. It was my dad asking to give him a call.

I reluctantly dialed his number and waited for him to pick up. His voice was trembling as he got right to the point, “Grandma passed away. She is with Grandpa now.” My hands started to tingle as my face turned hot and steamy tears streamed down it. I said a weak goodbye and hung up the phone. Then, I turned to my best friend who held me and let me cry. Somehow I was able to muster out just enough words to tell her what happened. She walked with me to my car and stood beside me until my younger sister came.

The next Tuesday, October 2, was her viewing. My aunts, uncles, and dad stood in a line meant for people that wanted to greet the family. Even though it was for them, I stood in it too. I stood right beside my dad and listened as people offered their condolences and said what a great woman my Grandma was. But a few times, people even said something to me. Often it was something along the lines of, “Wow. I can sure tell you’re a Demeter.” Never has there been a time when I have been more proud of my joyful brown eyes and brown curly hair.

Now September 30 is not just a day to celebrate my birthday, but a birthday I share of my Grandma Demeter’s day that she was given new life and born into Heaven.

Oct 20-23

2011-10-25T18:47:00.012-04:00

A little time has passed already. But I want to write about last weekend before even more time passes. All I have wanted to do for a while is write. And I keep getting more and more writing projects in school. But they just aren't satisfying my desire. I just want to blog. And now I finally have some time. Yay!

Last week we had Friday off for parent teacher conferences/meet the teacher night. So our weekend started on Thursday. After school I was ready for my nap. But instead, Josue came over and watched The Proposal with me and Maggie.

Then he left, I packed a bag, and went to Grace's for the night. She had an extravagant scavenger hunt planned for us. But half of the girls weren't able to come until late due to work and a volleyball game. So we didn't get to do it. Grace and I were both bumming. But hopefully this just gives us even more incentive to all get together again to hang out. Instead, we ate lots of food and watched The Office and laughed and talked and played with her crazy kitten, Milo, and had a back-massage line. We also played wii, and all got dominated by Megan. Especially me. We all slept in one really big room. Most of us on the floor. I slept by Grace and she worked patiently with me trying to teach me how to talk in her voice where she turns her lips downward into a frown. It makes me and everyone else laugh and laugh. I still have a long way to go. We also agreed to start watching The Office together and read funny facebook stats until I fell asleep. Oh! And she asked me to take her senior pictures! Well in the spring. I'm just so excited! Because well I really love Grace and she's so sweet and I also really love photography and am so happy she thinks I'm good enough to ask me to take her pictures!

I woke up Friday and was the last to leave. I didn't really want to leave, but I figured I should try to go home and get stuff done. I took a shower and a nap. I napped on the couch, then when Michael sat down I woke up and ran to my own bed. I slept soundly until my mom woke me up just with enough time to get ready for my interview! Thursday she emailed Kecia for me, someone my brother used to work for, and she said yes they're hiring and set up and interview.

I wore my jeans and brown sperry look a likes and a purple shirt and Maria's necklace. My mom came with me. When we walked downstairs to her office she wasn't there. But the guy that was gave me an application to fill out. I was very worried about the references and not having their addresses and phone numbers. Soon, she showed up and said don't worry about it. Then, we went upstairs to talk. We sat in the Sparks Center full of empty tables and chairs. Even though my mom assured me she wouldn't, Kecia asked me a lot of questions. She asked me to tell her about myself and what I do in my spare time and my plans for next year and if I'd had a job before and any experience with food. Somehow I thought of telling her that in my free time I like to create things-like collages of pictures. And that I've worked in a food pantry where we unload the truck, set out the food, and go through the line holding bags. Both of these were applicable to the catering job I was applying for. She said if I want it the job was mine- as long as I came out of my shell and also brought my creativity. (and as long as my background check comes back clean) I'm so excited! Although I am a little nervous that gymnastics is going to interfere with it. Yikes.

I came home to a sister in a cleaning-frenzy. Sarah wanted to carve pumpkins with us, but Maria was too focused. So Sarah picked me up and we went to the armory parking lot. We each picked out the best pumpkin we could find. One that didn't have too many spots, had a good handle, sat up by itself, and was round. We carved a circle around the handle and emptied them out first. I drew a face with hearts for eyes, a triangle nose, and big lips. Sarah didn't even get that far. But we had to clean up because we both had other plans.

I drove to Steak'n'Shake where I met Steph and Sam. As I was getting out of my car they told me that there was a long wait. So we decided to go to Applebee's. Hannah and Alex and Erin met us there. I am so happy and thankful that even though they are in college, we still continue to hang out. I love my friends. We talked a little bit about where Hannah and I were applying to and how high school was going and a lot about Steph and her boys throughout the year. There is never a dull moment hanging out with Hannah, Steph, and Alex.

I got back home and learned that Sarah didn't end up following through with her earlier plans of going to the football game. And boy was I glad! So she came over. I haven't had as much Sarah time as I am used to. It's sad. But when we do hang out I love it. She is so happy and full of life. We sat on my bed for a while as she tried to convince me to get a twitter.

Then, we got up and drove downtown. My friend Dom was playing at Alan's Country Kitchen (previously The Patch of Blue Denim and before that Moondance and before that Campbells) We weren't really sure what that meant and were a little skeptical of what we were going to. Neither of us were hungry and we didn't want to stay for the whole thing and we just didn't know. When we walked in he was right there and smiled at me as he continued to play. At the table right in front of them was my friend Kara! She graduated last year, so I'm very sad to not spend every 7th period with her anymore. We sat down at the table with Kara and Christian and Josh and listened to Dom and his friend play and sing. I wish that my back wasn't facing Dom. When we would get to talking at the table I would forget that the great music I was listening to was being played live right behind me-and by one of my very good friends! He is so passionate about his music and it is really obvious when you hear it. He is so good. I love it. He used to send me recorded clips of it and I would save them and listen to them on my phone all of the time. Before we left, I asked if I should write him a note to put in his open guitar case. I didn't have anything, but Kara dug and found a little piece of paper in her purse and eyeliner. So that's what I wrote it in. I placed it along with a dollar in the case and gave Sarah a dollar to put in too. When we walked out I smiled at him again and he said thanks for coming and that he liked my shirt. He really is so sweet.

Sarah stayed for a little bit, but agreed with the rest of my family that I needed to go to bed early and left. I tried.

Saturday morning I woke up early and drove to the high school for the ACTs. I thought they were really challenging and hardly had time to finish any of the sections. It's just so long anyways. I can only sit there and concentrate and try for so long.

I took a shower, ate some lunch, and then Josue came over. My mom took pictures of us outside. I was sad that we didn't have any small trees with rich fall colors, but we found one that worked in my neighbor's yard. I just really wanted an excuse to wear my hat really. We also played soccer with Maggie and laughed as Dan tried to and we watched tv. Then he left and I left for my dad's.

I said hello to my dad and dropped my sister and my bags off and drove down Main Street to babysit. I hadn't been called to babysit for a long time and was pretty excited. When I got there Andrea introduced me to the kids and showed me around the house. Telling me things like how to make Grant's bottle and that Alayna is asking for help when she says, "Me help you." I started to feed Grant as they walked out the door. During the evening I changed two dirty diapers and a wet pull-up, made two bottles, and helped with Nick Jr.com. Nathan was able to take care of himself and stayed occupied by watching tv and playing x-box. Alayna was a picky eater and didn't eat her original dinner but did have jello and applesauce and ice cream. She was occasionally fussy, but most of the night she spent playing on the computer. Grant was by my side the whole time, and sometimes in my arms. I watched him to keep him out of trouble and played with him. We played with plastic food from a kitchen set that was mine when I was younger, read books, and played with other toys. I was amazed that even though his balance was off a little he was able to walk really well and never hurt himself when he stumbled and fell. I was relieved when Andrea and Matt returned. Not that I was ready to give up the kids, but I was exhausted. It takes so much work being a mom, I am realizing that more and more. I couldn't imagine having a kid as a teenager. As much as a joy and love that kids are, it is just so much work and you really have to have a good commitment. I really have so much admiration for all of the mom's, espeically my Aunt Michelle comes to mind. I am still so thankful for the time I got to spend with her and Max this summer.

I went home and talked to my dad and sister a little while. Then I curled in bed and slept. I slept soundly until about eleven on Sunday. I woke up and my dad cooked waffles for Maria and I. After having those waffles, I never want to settle for an Eggo waffle.

My dad decided that we really just needed to get out of the house and do something. We all think this most days, but by the time we think of something to do we have run out of time normally. So we all showered, got ready, picked up Lindsay, and drove to the Covered Bridge Festival. I had never been and was very anxious to go. I enjoyed to car ride there and decided that I do like the rolling hills of Indiana with cows and corn on either side of the road. And I love the deep oranges, yellows, browns, and reds of the trees.

We finally found a place to park and walked around for a while. Maria and Lindsay went off by themselves. My dad and I walked along the path covered with interesting people and booths on both sides. None of them really caught our interest. Although we did buy a water. Then we got to more quality booths. We saw click it hot heating pads and bought a vanilla ice cream to share. I also found 2 gifts for my sunshine lady- a pumpkin container for Halloween and a snowman ornament for December. I like the crafty items like those. My dad and I also shared kettle corn as we walked back to find the girls.

We drove home with just enough time for Maria to get ready and go to church early to sing. I had plans to do homework, but ended up continuing the nap I dozed off into on the way home. I don't know if it's the sheets on the bed, or the darkness of my room, or the quiet of the house-but I sleep really well at my dad's house. Then I got up, got ready, and drove to church. In my very clean car with a recently filled tank- thanks to my dad.

At church I was scheduled for the second reader and I also filled in last minute as a Eucharistic minister.I like being involved in the ministries. I also like when Sam Rocha plays the guitar. It is so lively and fun to listen to. Father Dennis played a video as his homily that discussed the liturgical change that is going to occur universally. I'm a little unsure of it. But obviously I trust all of the people that put it together and I'm sure we'll all adapt just fine to it.

After the announcements, Sam Rocha introduced himself and told us about how he was a blogger and complied him entries into a book that brought a Catholic perspective to many worldly stuff like politics. I was so excited to hear this and thought about how it must feel to write a book! I also thought that if he could do it, surely Sarah Wright could and should. I also thought about my own self and how much I would love to. And how I have been slacking on the blog. This may have been where my recent inspiration and desire to blog derived from.

After church, I went to Lifeteen. I squeezed on the comfy couch with Angel, Tori, Cali, and Elizabeth. It makes it so much better when I have friends there and am able to hang out with them. Mrs. Warren taught and the night was focused on "God makes all things new." Or something like that. We listened to a Theology of the Body clip and I really like Jason's analogy. When a girl that had given up on herself went to him, he took out a twenty dollar bill and asked if she wanted it, she said yes. Then he crumpled it up and asked her again. She said yes, it's still worth the same amount. So he threw it to the ground and stepped on it, getting dirt on it. He asked a third time and she responded the same way saying yes-it's $20 and all you have to do is pick it up and dust it off. He said that we are the same way. Our worth and value always remains the same, even despite the bad choices we make. God always loves us and values us just as the girl recognized the worth of the twenty dollar bill. I also remembered the story I'd heard before that they told. In a foreign country the dad dropped his boy off at kindergarten, told him he loved him, and that he'd see him later. That day, an earth quake occurred and the school crumbled down. When the dad heard, he left and ran to his boy. He found the crumbled school and starting throwing chunks of concrete, for he knew his boy was in the east corner of that school somewhere. He continued to search an hour, 5 hours, 20 hours, finally 38 hours. His knuckles were ripped open and his hands bleeding. But he pulled away a piece of rock to reveal his son and 20 other live children. His dad looked up at him and said "Papi." Then turned to his classmates and said, "see. I told you my dad would come back. He promised he would." That story gave me chills and made me realize the capacity that we as humans have to love.

Maria and I went back to my dad's and said goodbye. Then headed to my mom's. I thought of leaving my dad and of my Grandma's death and cried silent tears on the way back. I sat in my car and texted Sarah until they stopped. Then i went inside and tried to work on homework.

I didn't get all of it accomplished. But I did have a deep, meaningful talk with Josue. We talked about going to church and about building relationships with God and about how wrong we both think it is that people cheat on each other and about how much respect we have for each other. I just really liked all of it and went to bed very happy.

Just a few thoughts

2011-10-20T22:43:00.002-04:00

I haven't blogged in a long time. Almost a month. Maybe a month exactly. I miss blogging daily. I looked through some old posts and am so impressed with myself. Really. Also two people talked to me about my blog in the past two days. And when I haven't even posted in a while that's saying a lot.

I have a post that I was working on. About my birthday and the events that occurred. But I'm only half way finished. It's just going to take a lot to start continue working on it. But I will try to maybe this weekend so I can post it.

Hmmm. Here are some brief updates about me since I last blogged:
1) I turned 18.
2) I lost a very loved one- my Grandma Demeter.
3) I've applied to college. Hanover and Depauw and Xavier and Dayton and am working on St. Louis university. And so far I have been accepted to Hanover!
4) Soccer season ended. And our banquet was at the Beef House. I won mental attitude!
5) I got a new phone. The iPhone 4. And it's white with a purple case.

But I've been thinking about it. And I think it is so important to do what makes you happy and what makes you smile. Like listening to sweet songs and taking day naps and matching your clothes and eating sweet sugary things and painting your nails and playing with your pet and staying up late talking with friends on weeknights and writing handwritten letters and sunshine and cute actors and dancing and school spirit and spending time with family especially fun aunts and young cousins and reading good books and snow cones and tan skin and running free and cuddling and feather pillows and chap stick and glossy magazine pages and finding jeans that fit and tAking pictures and cuddling. But mostly spending time with family and friends because they are so important and you honestly don't know what could happen to them at any moment. I want to live with no regrets and reminding everyone that I love how great they are and how much they mean to me.

A little bit of everything. [dedicated to my aunt chel for encouraging me to finally post on here]

2011-09-21T22:14:00.000-04:00

I like to write. A lot. Ever since I was young. I went to preschool at Montesori and I don't really know how our time was schedueled, but when we had free time I used to write stories. I was too young then, so I told them to one of my teachers-Irene, and then she wrote them out. There was a sentence or two on each page so I could include lots of illustrations. My stories often included dalmations and houses. Sometimes even rainbow dalmations. With that being said I haven't been writing lately. I still haven't written a letter to Sarah Wright, which I have been planning to do. And clearly I haven't blogged for a while. A long while. So long that blogger has a new look. But unlike facebook, there is an option to go back to the old style. I like that. Anyways I almost let it get to a whole month without blogging once. When school started I was afraid this was going to happen. So today I am going to try to make up for it.

I usually write about my day, but so many have past since I last blogged. Instead, I typed out a list on a sticky note on my computer- a really cool feature that my lap top has. The list is really long and is by topic so hopefully I will get everything covered. And they will probably not be in any order but the order I thought of them.

Right now my fingernails are painted. Freshly painted in shrimply devine, which is a bright pink. When my nails are painted well (not chipped or clumpy looking) I like to do the ordinary things that involve my hands. Like putting in my locker combination and typing on a computer and texting on my phone and eating.

I have blogged about hanging out with Josue before. But now he is more than just a friend that I sometimes hang out with. He's now officially my boy friend. Since September 2. "It's just the beginning." (Even though that is the date of our official beginning together, we have been texting since we caught interest in each other back in February or March when we did a co-ed unit in pe. Finally, pe is good for something). He is one of my very best friends. He listens when I talk and he opens up to me and he is just so sweet and nice to me and he likes me as well. But possibly most important he makes me happy. And he brings a smile to my face. Also it is really nice that he plays soccer (and loves it and is so good at it) because he understands my sport and comes to my games and I understand his and actually know what's going on. And I like that after my games he carries my bag for me after my game and during school I like when we get to walk to our classes together. (3&7 and sometimes lunch. kinda). Not to mention, he is just so cute. It's the frosting on top of the cake.

I really like music. And noise and the words. Tonight I am on a Billy Joel kick. I just like him and his songs. Mostly decided I like songs that I know. And another thing about Josue. He made me a cd and it's just so cute. I love when people burn mixes of music that they intentionally complied on one playlist for one intended person. I also really like lullabyes. The idea of the is just so presh. I used to hope to marry a singer so he could write a song for our kids to sing them to sleep. But I suppose I could just always sing them a lullabye that has always been written. For example the one that Billy Joel wrote.

I like when I get the chance to be a rebel. I don't like breaking the rules usually. But when I get the opportunity to bend them, or go to the edge, I take it! Today was a kinda rebellious day. When Laci and I got to the highschool after health careers we realized we had activity period since it is Wednesday. So instead of going to homeroom, we ran back to her car and drove to mcdonalds. We ran in, ordered, ate our breakfast on the way back, and made it to CHS on time to walk with Josue to third period and not be tardy. Success. Then in third period I forgot my thumbdrive. So when I went back to my locker to get it I quickly drank the rest of my milk (not allowed to have food or drink in the locker area, even though everyone does. could be considered a rebel) and I quickly finished painting my fingernails.

I am generally optimistic, and especailly try to be on my blog. But while I'm in the mood, I just want to list a few things that I do not like.
1) Not having my own space. I do not like people walking in my room uninvited. I do not like people reading over my shoulder when I'm doing anything. Including blogging.
2) The freshmen class especailly, but also the sophomore class seem to have no respect for authority or upperclassmen. When I was a freshman there's no way I would questions coaches or talk back or give my input on decisions that the seniors make. Just sayin.
3) I can not stand when people have high expectations of other people, but do not keep their half. Example: one class I have an awful workload. And we are expected to produce so many essays and other big assignments on a regular basis. But the teacher does not stay on top of the grading. When she passes our work back, so much time has lapsed between when we get them back and when we turned them in that the assignments become irrelevent to me. Not to mention when they are passed back they usually just have a number grade. No comments on what we did wrong or well or how to improve our writing. Another example: when coaches expect us to be on top of things and do the drills right. But we get yelled at for doing the drill the way they explained it. I realize that sometimes it doesn't go the way it's planned and needs to be improvised. But not every single time with every single drill. It's just not fair. If people are going to yell at people, or deduct points, they need to be clear and specific for what they are looking for. Although with that said-I am not one to do a project just to fit the requirements to get a letter grade. I make sure I do them usually, but that isn't my main focus ever.
4) I don't like when people don't understand what I'm saying. Today I was working with someone on a project and I just wanted to do it my way- which made perfect sense and was organized and orderly. And everytime I tried to explain something the person just didn't get it. I don't know if they weren't listening or if they really didn't get it. Because they said huh and looked at me like I was stupid every time. And somehow it seems like I get this a lot. Maybe just my ideas and explaining of them are the problem. But either way, it's just really degrading and frustrating. But this is exactly the opposite way things are with Josue. Just another reason it's so easy to talk to him. It is lovely.

Okay. Enough of that. Now something that I really like. And have been wanting to write about on my blog all summer. MAGGIE! I love my dog so so much. And I am convinced that we are a lot a like.
1) we play soccer
2) we are built similar:
        short arms and legs
        normal length body
        strong
        let's just say there's a reason her nickname was monster butt at one point
3) we like to cuddle
4) we nap often
5) we would much rather eat treats/sweets than our normal meal food
6) we like to be around people
7) we like our backs rubbed/scratched
8) people say we're always smiling
9) not huge fans of the cold winter
10) we have dark hair, but white on our necks

For the most part, I am okay with school. I really like my health careers class and psychology class. Health careers is all about different medical jobs and medical terminiology. We have also had some really cool field trips: to chicago and the hospital and the christian nursing service. I love my teacher in both classes. Mrs. Guard is really sweet and funny and knows a lot and so does Mrs. Rainwater. If I had to describe her in as short amount of words, I would say camp T counselor personality. I love that class and everything we are learning in it. And I especailly like when things in the two classes overlap. It's just really cool.

Okay one last thing. Homecoming. Which is basically all of Friday Septmember 16. To school all of the girls that put a lot of time and money and effort into their senior jeans wear them. We are all very proud and love our jeans because of all the work we they demanded. It was so fun looking at all of the glitter and quotes and photos all over each others jeans. I loved that everyones jeans are unique, and as different as we all are. I was also really impressed by the number of girls that participated.

Friday we did not have soccer practice after school, and i wasn't going to go even if we did. Instead I went home and cleaned up my room quickly. Then Sarah Hutchison, a teacher from my mom's school, came over and worked wonders on me. She started out doing my hair, then my makeup, and even attempted to even out the tan line on my back. She was the perfect person to be around because she was so full of positive enegery. Lots and lots of energy. I loved it. And she did such a wonderful job.

In my dress epescially, the game was really cold. But those of us on the court took it well. We sat together in our designated area during the whole first half of the game. And shivered.

When the clock got down to five minutes we went down to the track. It was even colder down there, not to mention the end of the quarter dragged on and on while we waited anxiously. Finally. It was time. We were announced over the loud speakers and escorted down the track to the middle where the stage thing was. First the underclassmen attendents. Than Tiffany and Zuk, me and Michael, Morgan and Craig, and Britany and Ryan.

I didn't want Michael to leave me to stand by myself, but he did like all of the other escorts.

When the announcer finally started to say "and your 2011 homecoming queen is" I got ready to keep my smile on and congradulate the girl I thought it was. I thought there was one of us who had the loudest screams from the audience as she walked down the track. Plus I just didn't feel nervous or full of butterflies like I usually do when I feel like I'm about to win something. So i figured I had no chance. Than, to my surprise, he finished the statement with "Miss Maddy Demeter." I was crowned again and got another sash and was handed a big boquet of yellow and white roses.

We scooted together and posed for a few pictures together on the stage.

Than Michael escorted me back to the end of the track followed by the rest of the court.

There we posed and smiled and were arranged for many many more pictures. I was so honored and excited that it was fairly easy to keep the smile on my face for so long. I was also really happy to see all of my friends and family wait their turns just to get a picture with me.

Then the entire court had to go to the dance. We waited for a really long time for one of the escorts, because he is on the football team. When he got there we were lined up and announced. It was like the dance floor parted like the red sea and we had to walk down it. Michael and I went last since I was crowned queen. We danced to Someone like You by Adele for a while by ourselves, then the rest of the homecoming court joined in, and towards the end the rest of the dance floor broke out. It wasn't awkward at all like I figured it was be. And it felt similar to a wedding reception. As if the rest were our bridesmaids and groomsmen and we were the bride and groom.

It's been a lovely week[end].

2011-08-28T15:05:00.000-04:00

This week was our first real, full, week of school. Yet, I still haven't found myself very interested or intrigued in anything I've really learned about. Maybe it's because I feel like most of my classes are still getting started. Or maybe because the one's that have started I'm just not taking an interest to. But next Wednesday my health careers class is taking a field trip! To Chicago. I am very excited about that! Especially because Hannah and I weren't going to get to go, but my mom talked to Mr. Barton and they got our soccer game that was supposed to be that same night, rescheduled so we could attend both!

As for soccer. Well it is going. This week our record dropped to 2-3. We beat Greencastle 2-0 on Monday, lost to Frankfort 1-2 on Wednesday, and Saturday lost by a lot to Cascade. (0-11 if you must know the exact amount.) We also had a set back when Hannah and I finally went to order our shirts and sweats, the company is not taking orders right now. I love playing the sport and love the girls on my team, we just need some energy and encouragement and some drive and desire to win.

I have been pretty sick for most of this week. I've had basically a cold. A runny nose and sore throat and cough and my body ached all over. Wednesday night after our soccer game I felt awful. I grabbed stuff from my moms, then went to my dad's and showered before I fell asleep at 9:30pm. I woke up in the middle of the night continuously. My dad took my temperature and I had a 102 fever, even though I'd been taking Tylenol. Thursday I stayed home from school and laid on the couch all day. I couldn't do anything. Friday I went to school, only because I knew my team would need me to play in Saturday's game. And I didn't want to get behind on school work.

Friday I made it through soccer practice somehow. Then for dinner went to Johnny Provolone's with my mom and Dan. Then we visited my grandparents. Afterwards Josue came over and hung out for a bit. I didn't go to the football game because of my cold. But had fun hanging out with Josue at home.

Saturday, after our game, Sarah and I laid out at my grandparent's for a bit. Then we got ready and went to Lafayette. Dress shopping. Friday at the end of the day they announced the homecoming court. And my name was on it! I am one of the four senior queen candidates. That was exciting too. I never would have guessed that. We looked at Macy's and Sears and Khols and Deb and no places had long formal dresses. We didn't think JC Penny had any either, but ended up finding a few in a different location. There were four styles and I tried them all on. Sarah and I narrowed it down to two and asked other people to vote. We chose the elegant black one over the sparkly purple one. And were both very excited. I also saw Tori, a girl I was a CILT with. She is always so smiley and bubbly and I gave her a big hug.

Before our drive home, Sarah and I stopped at Cinnabon to satisfy our taste buds. I got us home by memory from the directions my dad taught me the time Jacqueline and I went. And at one step I wasn't sure which road to take, but I must have chosen the right one because we ended up in Crawfordsville.

We went to Sarah's house and laid down for a while. Then walked downtown to the Lew Wallace grounds for the Taste of Montgomery County. There was music, and every kind of food and people imaginable. We talked to Doc and Mr. Monroe and Morgan & Darcy & Craig & Taylor and Jacob Surface and Robbie & Brandt. We talked to Robbie and Brandt with my mom and Dan for a long time. I liked listening to them talk. About my brother and about Wabash and about relationships. Girls of their past and how they start by impressing girls with the small things like opening their car door, then go big. You can't go all out at the beginning.

We went back to Sarah's where she got her stuff, and we got our cars. Then to my house for the night. We talked to Maria and my mom for a while. Before gathering up blankets and heading out to sleep on the trampoline. The stars were really clear and filled the black sky. We were warm under all of our blankets and sweats, almost too warm.

We woke up to the sun in our eyes and my mom letting Maggie outside. Then Sarah went home and I went to Clancy's to start on our senior jeans. I got my letters cut out and she got a few things painted on hers before it was time for her to go to work. We still have a long way to go before homecoming when we have to finish them.

I also tried to lay out for a little bit and even out the tan on my back, since the dress shows it all. I will have to keep working at that.

it's been a while

2011-08-21T22:47:00.000-04:00

I haven't blogged in a really long time. What seems like forever. And I'm sorry and I'm sad. I'm just busier now I guess. And less disciplined. And take less pictures. But life is still happening so I guess there's things I could and probably should be writing about.

I'm sad that summer end, but school isn't going so bad. My first two periods is my health career class, which I really like. I'm a little bummed that the things we are starting to learn are so similar to the stuff we learned in Integrated health. But I'm so excited for clinicals next semester! And I love my teacher and the students and the doctor that works at the clinic building where our class is. The first day he came in and talked to us for a few minutes. The key points that I remember were to chose happiness and have a happy attitude and the amount of money that you make doesn't matter as long as your happy. And to not marry an idiot, even though most of us probably already know some. Third period I have honors english. Fourth period I have probability and statistics. We have 6 kids in the class, only one is a guy. Fifth period I have psychology, which I think I finally learned how to spell. And I'm so very excited for that class. The teacher and everything we're going to learn. Sixth period is honors gov with Gerald. And seventh I am in yearbook! I went from an awful study hall to being Mrs. Harm's stud ass, but decided I might as well be in yearbook. And she was thrilled when I told her, which made me happy too.

Soccer is going alright. We lost our first game to northview 0-4 on Tuesday and on Wednesday we beat Delphi 7-0! We still need some work figuring out what positions we all need to be playing, the coaches job. And some endurance and skills, but I think as a team we are doing well and I'm proud of us.

Today I went to church, which was a bilingual mass by the bishop. That was exciting. Then to the church picnic where I tagged along with the Raters family. Then Josue hung out with me and we helped my mom in her class room. And also I went to Sarah's for dinner. As did 15 or so freshman Wabash students.

Now I have to write a poem for English. That, like always, I have put off until the last minute. But I'm going to try to work to make it about my blog. So then I figured maybe I should take a few minutes and blog. Because I love it. And have missed it. And didn't mean to ignore it for such a long time.

All good things must come to an end

2011-08-16T23:55:00.000-04:00

It is my last night of summer. Which is sad enough in itself. But I spent it all finishing my second essay for english homework. So my post that I was so excited to write wrapping up my summer must be postponed.

taking care of business

2011-08-15T23:48:00.000-04:00

I started this list-making, errand-running, sun-shining day by bringing Sarah to her house. When I came home I ate Lucky Charms, my favorite, then proceeded to make lists. I started out making a to do list, then just kept going.

I finished reading The Things They Carried and typed out my ten quotes from it. I also did the dishes and dropped my dad's shorts off at the dry cleaners before meeting Hannah downtown. We went to Scaggs and got the prices for our soccer shirts and sweats which was much easier than either of us expected. While we did so, the two kids she babysits, their dog, and two of her siblings waited outside. They were so presh.

Then, I went to my mom's where I put my laundry away, got my school stuff and soccer stuff. Before going back to my dad's, I went to the double K (crappy kroger) and bought a gallon of milk.

I went to my grandparent's for one last pool time of summer. I sat and talked to my Grandma for a while, because it's been a while since I have been over there. At least we both felt like it. We talked about my new TOMS and soccer and the classes I'm taking this year. Then, I went down to the pool. I laid in the sun for a while, before jumping in. The water was chilly, but it felt good as it cooled my body. I got out, dried off, said good bye to my Grandma and left. I wish I had more time to spend both at the pool and with my Grandma, but I'm thankful for what I did have.

I got my soccer stuff ready as well as my school stuff. I went to the high school earlier than I usually do so I'd have time to put stuff in my locker before practice. This way I wouldn't have to bring it all on the first day of school.

For practice we scrimmaged the guys. It did not go as well as any of us would have liked. But it was good that we finally got to play as a team. Especially considering the fact that our first game is tomorrow! They guys scored on us consistently and we only got about 2 shots on their goal. I was hot, and probably dehydrated somewhat from laying in the sun. The midfield position was too much for me, and I know I did not help out the team as much as they needed me. After we were done scrimmaging, coach talked to us for a long time. I kept my head down the whole time, as he told us about all the mistakes we made. It was hard to pay attention to that kind of talk in the first place, but all that was really on my mind was how I couldn't wait to drink water and feel it inside of my hot, dry body that was so badly thirsting for it. When we finally were released for a drink, I downed almost my whole bottle. Only saving some because I knew I'd want it later. We went over pregame warm up stuff, talked some more, and practice ended.

I went home and showered. Than my dad and I went to a meeting for my health careers class. I am so excited for this class and the opportunities that come with it. I do not know if I will end up pursuing a health career, but I am definitely interested in the content and information. At least speaking from my integrated health class last year and watching House and other medical shows and observing my doctor and the athletic trainer at school.

I came home and napped for an hour. Then checked the pressure and put air in my tires. And made bow tie pasta for dinner. And I went to my mom's to get headache medicine. And I updated my blog- wrote about yesterday, added pictures from the lake, and am now writing about today.

Hopefully I will get a start on my essay for The Things They Carried before going to sleep. So that way on my last day of summer, which is so sad to say, I do not have to do it all. Also-it is the only thing left unchecked from my to do list that I made this morning.

I love my best friend. I love TOMS. I love eating. I love music. && I love blogging about it all and having lots of pictures.

2011-08-15T23:02:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was Sunday August 14.

I woke up and walked Hannah out, but hardly remember being awake during it. I fell back asleep for a little while, then got up and got ready for church. In his homily, Fr. Dennis talked about being stubborn and being wrong sometimes. I tried really hard to listen to the connection he made, but didn't get it all the way, although I do know at least that it had to do with the apostles being wrong, but a woman's persistence saved her daughter from dieing? In the Gospel reading I think.

We picked up Sarah, and my dad, Maria, and I were off to do some shopping. We headed towards Lafayette and made it all the way to the Lindy Freeze for my dad to get an ice cream cone. Then, we turned around and headed to Indy. I still feel guilty and bad about this. But I guess there's nothing to be done about it now.

Once we got to Castleton mall, Sarah and I's first mission was to buy TOMS. TOMS are more than just cute shoes. They are a part of a one for one movement, so when you buy a pair it also purchases a pair for a child in need. I bought a brown pair from Shi and Sarah bought a brown pair from Journey's (even though the guy that helped us in Shi told us Journey's were all sold out and if we were lucky we could get a men's pair). Then, we brought them to the Style your Sole event where local artists would paint whatever we wanted on the shoes for free! It took us a while to decide what we wanted, but I got a sailboat and Sarah a flower. We left them there and walked around the mall while we waited.

Sarah was doing her back to school shopping and got 2 pairs of jeans and a pair of Nikes along with her TOMS. We also stopped at the food court and shared an Asian entree for lunch.

Then, finally, after about two hours, our shoes were done! We are both so happy with them and love them very much.

Before going home, we stopped at Michael's where I bought fabric markers and Joann's Fabric where I bought three different colors of fabric. All for my senior jeans.

On our way into town, Sarah and I read that Rancho Bravo had a mariachi band and instantly decided to go to dinner. We compared it to Little Mexico which we preferred food and service and decor wise. But the music was really funny. It was loud and hard to hear each other over. But the guys were cracking us up. Especially when Sarah pulled the camera out.

Sarah and I both had other plans, that for different reasons fell through. So we decided to hang out, and I'm so glad. A night with the best doesn't compare to anything else. We went to her house for a while and watched Keeping up with the Kardashians. It was so funny when her dad joined us.

Then we went back to my dad's with Emma and Maria. We played rummy and ate pop corn and played with Emma's ipad and talked. But then the younger two decided to go to bed because they wanted to practice getting up early for school. Sarah and I told them they're fools and we're all gonna be tired and worn out from school anyways. But we let them. And we were soon to follow, because it was a long day for us too. A long, exciting day. Especially without me taking a single nap!

I love this crazy, [magic], sometimes almost [tragic], awful beautiful life

2011-08-13T23:58:00.002-04:00

I woke up, and after great debate, went to soccer practice at 9. We weren't going to have practice, but if we did one girl would be able to play in our game Tuesday that wouldn't have been able to without it. So practice was mandatory for her, and optional for the rest of the team. Five of us ended up going. Practice was just an hour and we practice taking shots and corner kicks.

I went home and slept for a little while. Then woke up, put gas in my car, and drove back to the high school. I sat in the parking lot next to Hannah and Amber waiting for Mary's van to pull up and pick us up. She invited the team to her aunt's lake house for the afternoon. We all piled into the van. Me, Mary, Amber, Hannah, Haley, Andi, Alex, Destiney, and Mary's two sisters.

Those of us who weren't wearing our swim suits yet changed in the shed one at a time when we got there. Then we got in the lake. As I walked into the green, murky water and stepped first on the rocky bottom then on the mushy, muddy layer I questioned why I was there, remembering my discomfort with lakes. When I got out to where the other girls were I sat on my noodle and hoped not to ever touch the bottom again. But soon we swam in for lunch and when it got to shallow to swim I had to walk and let my feet touch the bottom.

For lunch we had hot dogs from the grill, any kind of chips imaginable, watermelon, and soda. Her aunt Sandy, who reminded me of John Travolta's character in the movie Hairspray, kept pleading us to "eat the rest of the dogs." But one was enough for me. Luckily her threat to not let us on the boat until they were all eaten did not hold up.

Five girls put on life jackets for tubing. Two on the one you sit on and three on the tube you lay down on. The rest of us got in the speed boat with Mary's Uncle Joe. Mary's aunt, mom, and sister went on the pontoon boat. I really liked being on the boat, feeling the wind and sun hit my face hard while laughing at the girls tubing.

It was such a beautiful day, but we were one of the only boats out. We weren't complaining because it meant more lake for us. But there was one boat. With two guys on it that were wake boarding. The blonde one on the boat waved in our direction so I waved back. Then he started holding up different fingers. I'm not sure if he was giving me his number or asking my age or what. But before I could figure it out we were going different directions and it was too late. We took a few laps around the lake before switching places with the girls who were tubing. Mary, Amber, and I went on the three person laying down tube, but we ended up all getting thrown off. Mary first, then Amber and I followed because our weight was too far forward and we flipped the tube over. This would be the first of many times I fell off.

We all took turns riding the boat and going on the different tubes. Amber and I preferred the laying down one much better. The whole time we sat on the sitting tube we talked about how we didn't like it and didn't understand why the other girls did. It was just bumpy and water sprayed in our faces and we held on for dear life. So we switched in the middle of our turn. When we did, Amber jumped for the laying down tube, and right as she did it scooted away. Leaving her dangling as a bridge between the two tubes. It made us all laugh and laugh as we helped her reach.

One time I was on the side of the tube that was next to the sitting tube and got smashed by the other one, so I had to let go and fly off. Another time we went around the corner where another boat was. Again, I was on the edge, and got thrown off. I was so close to the boat that the girls on our boat thought I did hit it. The boat happened to be Mrs. Johnson's boat and the girls kept saying "ha imagine headlines in the paper. PE teacher kills student." Luckily, I did not hit their boat and did not get hurt.

Whenever we hit big waves and bounced on the water, or when we slammed into the other tube from our boat, or when Uncle Joe sped up, or sometimes for no reason I screamed. It was a shrill, high pitched scream that could be heard from far away. Mary was so surprised saying, "Maddogs! I would never have expected that to come from you!" When I screamed I really felt like I could feel the dangling thing in the back of my throat. Just like a cartoon character when they scream.

After many, many laps around the lake we gave the tubes to the pontoon boat and got out the water skis. Mary, Destiny, Hannah, and I all got a chance at them. I had never ever done it before, and impressed everyone including myself by getting up the very first time. I wasn't up for too long, but I did it! I got a second chance and did really well. I felt the burn in my thighs, but I did everything they told me to do. Bent my knees, kept my feet together, and kept my arms straight. I worked hard at keeping my balance until my lap was over and they told me to let go. It was so much fun, and I was so glad Mary convinced me to try it!

We tubed one last time, then went back to the dock. We helped clean up the food and the the floats and wrapped up in our towels and got back in the van. While we were cleaning up, their neighbors returned home from the Warrior Run. We all crowded around to see Garrett Bonk and listen to his mom tell us about the crazy course that he and his sister ran through.

When I got back to my moms, I packed up and headed to my dad's. Soon after, Hannah came over. We were both hungry and decided to go to Steak n Shake for dinner. By the time we were half way done with our shakes, we were shivering and full of goosebumps, but we couldn't let our shakes go to waster and ended up finishing them. The sky was quickly darkening and a storm was setting in. I really didn't want to, but I honored my dad's request and stopped by Little Ceazars to pick up dinner for him and Maria. From the time we went inside to the time we came out with our box, the rain started falling hard. We listened to Backstreet boys as I tried my best to see the road. I was so thankful by the time we walked into his house.

Hannah and I both french tipped our toenails and painted our fingernails bright pink. While we did so, we sat on my bed and had a deep, honest, heart to heart conversation. We talked a lot about boys and friends of ours. We talked about ex-boyfriends, and boys that we wish to end up with, and boys that actually care, and boys that were never any good but that we fell for anyways. Hannah and I talked about how we had been friends so long and how happy we are to be able to open up and have each other to talk to about anything and everything. So true.

We also worked on making a play list for our soccer warm up cd, discussing what to put on our tshirts, and how we think this season will go. Neither of us can believe it is our senior year. We have been through so much with the team and have so many great memories from the past three years. It's crazy that this is our last year, but we are both excited to get the chance to lead the team together.

We got out of bed to eat banana bars and milk, but soon got right back in bed (after putting pajamas on and brushing our teeth). Both of us had full, fun days, me at the lake and Hannah babysitting. We were tired and ready for bed, and it wasn't even midnight. But it felt good to go to lay down and get some sleep. Although, every time I closed my eyes I felt like I was back on the lake. Flying across the water and hanging onto the handles with clenched fists.

[I didn't take my camera on the boat because another girl had a waterproof one. I will upload many more pictures whenever I can get them from her.]

Much better. Improvement. Making progress.

2011-08-13T00:17:00.000-04:00

This morning I woke up early, but this time not for aerobics! I woke up, got dressed in my bright lime green shirt, and went to the high school. Today was the day we put our training to use and got to lead freshmen orientation for the class of 2015. The big group talk and activities at the beginning flowed really well. Again, I was impressed by Mr. Melton and Mrs. Rainwater's ability to be so enthusiastic and excited about it and keep the attention of the freshmen.

Then we broke into our groups. I was excited that my partner was Nathaniel, also as we told our kids my locker buddy since fourth grade. At first we only had 4, but we got 2 added for a grand total of six. Sheridan, Alyssa, Landon, Tony, Payton, and Darsey. None of the kids seemed intimidated and all were eager and interested in what we had to say and the activities we did. I was really impressed, but mostly thankful that things worked out so well. I still thought of Camp T, although nothing can quite compare.

Maria waited with me during the debrief and cleanup so I could take her home. But I was really hungry and before we went home we took a detour to Arby's. I got the usual (with Sarah) a roast beef sandwhich, curly fries, and a cherry turnover. And Maria got motzerella sticks. We sat there and talked about how orientation went and who was in our groups.

When I got home I took a solid 2 hour nap. Even though I was on the couch and people around me were moving and the tv was on and people were in the kitchen, I slept through it all. Although, I was dreaming about what I heard on tv because when I woke up the words I heard matched the words from the Say Yes to the Dress commercial. Although I preferred the bride and the dresses in my dream.

After waking up I helped my mom in her class room. Yes more labels.

Then I went home and got ready for practice. Practice went pretty well, even though it made me realize that I'm still out of shape and need to work on that for my new position. But the best part, by far, was the deep pink of the sky as the sun set behind the goal we were shooting at. Now whenever I think of the phrase my Grandpa taught me, Pink in the morning sailors take warning, pink at night sailors delight, I think of Elizabeth Stratton. A real sailor that I actually know. And I plan on asking her if she's heard that and if it's true. I still hope that I will get to go on a boat with her someday.

When I got home I laid on the porch couch with Maggie for a while and read a little of my book. I am very close to being finished with The Things They Carried.

The rest of my evening I have spent finally actually blogging and catching up on blogging and it's felt so great and relaxing as well. I also added pictures to all of this weeks posts dating back to Sunday so that was exciting too. I'm sad that I haven't been taking as many pictures lately, but then again my days generally have consisted of napping and soccer. I also hung out and talked to my siblings, especially during the random sibling pow wow that occurred unannounced in my room.

I like days like these. Where I help people. And when I exercise. And when I get along and laugh with my siblings. And when it's sunny and warm. And when I have Maggie time.

As Promised

2011-08-12T23:35:00.001-04:00

Wednesday August 10

Soccer and napping were normal and as they have been the past two weeks.

After aerobics, instead of going home to sleep I went to CHS for link crew training. Link crew is a group of senior and junior students that help with the incoming freshmen class. For our training day we were there from 8:30 to 2:30 going through the same activities we would lead with our kids and being prepared for possible situations such as shy kids, or kids that don't want to participate. Mr. Melton and Mrs. Rainwater do such a great job with it. It reminds me a little of camp actually. Very structured and full of ice breakers and team work and challenges that we meet together to help ease the freshmen into our school. It is also cool that we were the first group of kids that went through this program as freshmen and now some of us are on the other end of it and are leaders. As a freshman it wasn't as big of deal for me because I knew the two grades above me from being at Tuttle with them and the seniors because that was my brothers class.

When I was at my evening soccer practice Michael had texted me asking where I was because he was bored. I got home from practice to find him sitting at my dad's house, still bored. I had an unknown source of energy-possibly just from the fact that exercising just makes me feel good. So we went to walmart to buy an air mattress. Neither of us had really looked through the camping aisle and were amazed by all of the different things available. A portable shower, a portable toilet, freeze dried ice cream, snake bite kit, and chocolate chip pancake mix in a bag. We also went to the frozen food section to buy the things similar to dip n dots. But they didn't have the kind I like so I settled for a choco taco. I ate it once we got outside, only to find that it was stale.

Thursday August 11

After aerobics I came back to my dad's for a nap. But I cut it short and came back to my mom's where I ate Lucky Charms for breakfast before heading to Depauw. I had been meaning to go all last year so that I could stay with one of my friends that goes there, but never got around to it. So my mom and I decided to take the opportunity to go for a quick look. Luckily, we made it there. You never know when she tries to go off of her own direction instincts. But we did it. Then we didn't know where to go. We found the administration building who were kind and gave us a map and sent us in the direction of the admissions office. I read the map and successfully led us a few blocks away to the correct building. We could have waited to go on a student tour, but just didn't have the time so we got a folder of information, filled out a card, and ventured out on our own. The campus was beautiful. The brick buildings and the green grass and hanging baskets of flowers. Although after seeing Holy Cross's gorgeous library, we were both a little unimpressed at Depauw's. But the rest was really pretty. We were standing in front of a big building trying to figure out how to get to the book store when a friendly young man asked if we needed help. We told him we were looking for the bookstore and said to follow him, he was actually headed that way. On the walk there we introduced ourselves and he asked me where I was from and if I'd been down here before. I told him once for dinner with my friends and he said he had heard of Alex Gasaway before. He also told us that if I come to Depauw I won't even realize I'm so close to Cville because there's just so much going on, that he is a Depauw grad and now works there, and that he highly recommends coming back and registering for a real tour. Once we got to the hub he pointed us down towards the bookstore and we went our separate ways. My mom bought a shirt for Maria, a pair of shorts for me, and a Hershey's bar for both of us. As we were walking out guess who came our way! Steph! She had to go back early to be trained as an RA and was on her lunch break. She talked to us a little about financial aid and as always was very convincing. Then we let her get back to her lunch and promised I'd come down for a stay.

Soccer was a pleasant surprise. There was a parent meeting at the beginning of practice and coach trusted Hannah and I to run practice while they talked to our parents. We ran our 8 minutes then stretched and did our warm up drills. And at the end of practice he didn't even make us run hills!

When I got home I showered, talked to my mom and Dan, and then Josue came over and watched What Happens in Vegas with me. I love that movie and it still makes me think of the first time I watched it at Alex's house. Whenever we are all together we still like to use the "you know why!" line when appropriate and laugh about it together.

I promise to expand and detail and upload pictures tomorrow

2011-08-11T23:53:00.000-04:00

Wednesday outline:
-aerobics
-link crew training
-napped
-dads
-soccer
-hung out with Michael

Thursday outline:
-aerobics
-nap
-lucky charms for breakfast
-Depauw
-nap
-soccer
-What Happens in Vegas

Tonight is not a writing night.

2011-08-09T23:26:00.002-04:00

Aerobics was at 6:30 this morning like it has been the past 2 weeks. Afterwards I came home and took a long, solid nap. Until noon.

I woke up and read The Things They Carried for a while, then picked up Sarah. We stopped at the Wabash Quick Mart for slushes and candy. Sarah got blue and red and I got a coke one. Then headed to the pool for a few hours where we floated around the pool soaking up the sun and chatting. Often the big whale float that we have, sometimes called Fred or Tyrone or Shamu, would hang around Sarah. It was kind of funny. But kind of scary/creepy.

When we got home we walked to Dari Licious for ice cream and sat on a swinging bench at Turtle park until we ate our sundaes. Sarah's was hot fudge and mine hot caramel.

Instead of going right home, we stopped by my mom's classroom and helped make labels for her books. It was sort of frustrating making them on the computer, but we worked steadily and together got them all done.

We watched Rob Lowe on Ellen and hung out for a while at my house. Then I got ready for practice and dropped Sarah off on the way. Practice went pretty well. The air was cool from the quick rain storm and felt good. Coach pulled Hannah and I aside and explained his plans for us this year as midfielders.

Then I picked up Sarah on my way home and she spent the night.

2 a days: soccer & blogging

2011-08-08T23:26:00.001-04:00

Sunday August 7:

-I woke up, got ready, took Sarah home, and went to church. I should have paid better attention in church so I can say what Fr. Dennis talked about. Then Maria and I helped with the pancake breakfast which is a fundraiser for the youth attending NCYC this fall.

-Maria, my mom, Grandma, and I made a trip to Target. The weather was really frustrating and caused tension and worry to run high. I ended up being glad that we sat and waited for the rain to pass. Sipping a Starbuck's Carmel frappe and blueberry muffin can improve any situation. And just reading the words on the bag "flavors my senses. sweetens my disposition. stirs my imagination. nourishes my dreams." made me happy and feel at peace and want to be a part of something big and helpful.

-Josue came over and hung out. We watched She's the Man and The Longest Yard and talked and hung out with Maggie and ate pizza. I like that I can make him smile.

-I attempted to blog, but just didn't have it in me and went to bed.

Monday August 8:

-Aerobics today was tough. No one seemed to have the want or the energy to work out on a Monday. Besides Amy who I can always seem to count on to be peppy and excited.

-I came home to find my mom still in bed so I crawled in with her and fell asleep. When she went to exercise class, she piled the pillows and blankets against my back where her back had been and I slept just as well. I love my mom and her understanding of naps.

-My mom and I registered Maria and I for school. It was bitter~~sweet~~. A lot of signing of papers and standing in lines. But we did it!

-Then we met Kim at the pool. My mom had to leave soon for the dentist, so I spent the afternoon floating around the pool and conversing with Kim. About school and differences among classes and their trip to the lake and divorce and the scary bugs near by.

-At home I worked on going through my closet and finding things to throw away and blogged.

-Tonight at practice we got our jerseys and bags and warm ups and pictures taken. Then we ran and did one drill until it was time for hills. It was a frustrating practice, and left me feeling anxious and grumpy.

-I came home and curled up on the couch porch with Maggie. Petting her until I calmed down. Then I read aloud three chapters of Shauna Niequist's Bittersweet to Maggie. Tonight was definitely a Shauna Niequist reading night. I like her honest, meaningful words embedded with stories and advice. I like the way they sound out loud and the way Maggie sat still the whole time and seemed to listen (with the exception of every time I took my hand off of her to turn the page she nudged my hand with her head).

-I continued to relax and breathe and calm down with a hot shower and sweet text from my Aunt Chel just to remind me that she loves me.

Saturday Night Surprise

2011-08-07T23:27:00.004-04:00

Last night after blogging on the trampoline, I woke Sarah up and we went inside. We planned on crashing on the couch with our big blue blankets and ours pillows. So one might imagine the reaction I had when we walked in and found two boys on the couch. Michael and Trent. They were confused, but laughed, at my fright. Sarah and I joined them on the couch. We watched Brian Regan for a while than some of a random Zack Galifanakis documentary on Netflix. But soon Michael was getting sleep in his eyes as was Sarah.

Sarah and I headed back to my room and the Michael and Trent laid down. But I was still wide awake, as was Trent. Later we would decide it was okay that the other two were asleep fast because they had both worked that day. I saw the extra blue blanket in my room from the trampoline and brought it back to the family room and offered it to Trent. At first I thought he didn't want it, but what he didn't want was to put it on himself since he was already laying down. So I did for him, even though he was cautious that I might have only given him the blanket because it was carrying chicken pocks-like the Indians used to do.

I went back to my room, but only for a few minutes before returning. I helped Trent get the tv back to the right thing, then ended up staying out there for a while. He scooted down on the couch and gave me a cushion to sit on and a propped up a pillow for me to sit against. He flipped through the tv channels and found a high school slam dunk contest on ESPN to watch. I really admire his deep love for basketball. While we watched, and I felt sorry for the guys that didn't make their dunks, we talked about basketball and soccer and Crawfordsville sports in general. Then we talked about college and him going to Hanover and where I would like to go, which I have no idea. He asked what I want to study but I couldn't give an answer to that question either. We decided if we could have any dream job he would be a hip-hop artist that has shows every night and I would be a travel writer traveling the world and basically blogging about it. We also talked about high school and friends from there and then about not friends and about classmates and who the biggest stud in my class is. Trent advised me on what to stay away from doing and what was okay and that if I'm ever not into a relationship to get out as quickly as I can. We also talked about dogs we had and how he felt about moving and Rob Lowe and music and banana pancakes. At about 3:30am the tv went out and Trent was soon to follow. He told me it would be okay to wake him up, but once he was finally asleep I decided I better try to do the same and went back to my own room.

I'm so glad Michael and Trent became friends. I know they love hanging out with each other and are like brothers, and I also like being able to hang out with them too. Trent is really out going, but more than that he is so sweet and easily engaged in conversation. When Sarah fell asleep I was sad to not continue our heart to heart girl talks, but it ended up being okay because I got to spend quality time talking with Trent! Like I told him, I am going to miss when him and Michael go to school soon and I'm still just at the high school.

Saturday night

2011-08-06T23:57:00.009-04:00

This morning I woke up for morning practice. But this time it was at 6:30 and it was not aerobics. We met at CHS and headed to the swim classroom. Baby Girl had breakfast set out for us as well as a dry erase board and tv. There was fruit and donuts and pancakes and sausage and juice and milk. What a sweet heart bring that for us. For a while he talked about basic fundamentals and positions and strategies. Then we watched half of an olympic game ironically of USA vs Japan and the coaches pointed out what was done well and their mistakes.

Then I went to my dad's house. We both napped for a while. There must be a sleeping spell at his house. It also helps that it's cold & has soft blankets, is quiet, and dark. At least in my room where a blanket hangs in front of the window for the sole purpose of blocking out the light so I can sleep-thank you Dad.

After I woke up, I mowed. The earth is so dry and in such need of some rainfall. I like to mow when the grass is lush and green and when there is an obvious difference between the side I have mowed and the other side that has yet to be cut. I was fretting that my ipod would die on me, but luckily it made it through the hour. I like when my dad comes with a polar pop full of sprite and the crushed ice as my relief before the last stretch.

Once the yard was all done I went back to his house and showered and put on jean shorts and sandals. I feel like lately I have been only living in cut off tshirts and dri-fit shorts. Well because I have been. And it just felt good to put real clothes on.

On my way back to my mom's, Maria and I stopped at the grocery so she could buy snacks and I could buy ingredients for dinner. I do like to cook, and especially such a simple summer recipe. Even though they had already eaten their own dinner, my mom and Dan shared the penne with me. I was happy to receive their approval.

We picked up my grandparents and dropped them off downtown where they met their friends to see Chicago. It was so cute watching the older couples walking on the sidewalk together. Especially the one with the man bringing a pillow. After dropping them off, we swung by and picked up Sarah & went to the bank then to our house.

Neither of us knew what we should do, so eventually my mom decided for us. No we did not "play trampoline jump." But instead we went to the Iron Gate for dessert to visit Michael at work. It was really fun seeing him there and being waited on by him. Sarah and I both got chocolate cake but decided we prefer Applebees.

Sarah and I spent the rest of the night talking and looking through pictures and laying down. We planned to sleep on the trampoline, but were disappointed. The air was not as cool and crisp as the other night and the stars were not as bright. But we went for it anyways. Although I haven't slept, she is. It is really comfortable and even though the chirping bugs are annoying, it's calming and soothing in a way.

"Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do." - Pele

2011-08-05T23:58:00.000-04:00

After going to aerobics this morning, I came home and went back to sleep for a while. Until about 11.

Sarah and I somehow are almost always thinking alike. Even when we aren't with each other. When she texted me asking to go swimming at Wabash I didn't even have to think about my answer. Because I was thinking myself that it would be good to do. I rode my bike to her house than we walked to the Allen Center.

I always hesitate getting in the water, but I followed Sarah's lead. We swam lots of laps. Down and back. Freestyle. Breaststroke. Backstroke. But every now and then we took a break to just use the kick boards and talk. We also did some dolphin stuff. I used to love pretending to be a dolphin in the water when I was younger. We swam for an hour, but it felt like so much longer in the water.

Once we showered, I rode my bike back home. I read for a while and slept some more. Then I woke up and hung out before packing a back and heading to my mom's. Not long after I got there, I left for practice.

Tonight's practice seemed intense. We ran and stretched and did a warm up passing circle. Then we did an obstacle course to work on our speed and agility and endurance. We went through it time and time again. Just as I'd catch my breath, it was my turn again. Every time it seemed. Once we finished we worked on offense and defense, scrimmaged, than did hills. During practice we could hear the faint music from a near by church. It made me long to be in Camp Tecumseh's Green Cathedral. It also reminded me of The Things They Carried and the stories of the music. Which makes me think of August Rush. But we weren't the only ones hearing it. The birds seemed to circle the area, dancing along. As did the dragon flies by the far goal.

After I got home and showered I sat on the porch and talked to my mom for a while. Then some friends came over. Josue came over and laid on the trampoline with me. The night air felt good. A break from the hot, humid, sunny air of the day time. We talked mostly about soccer. What we did at practice, our teams, and what positions we will probably play this year. But we also talked about flying and the sky above us. Sarah and Elizabeth and Bailey and Sam also stopped by. They were on a scavenger hunt. And ended up winning! So proud of them :)

Even though I feel like it is the middle of the day, I'm going to have to make myself realize the actual time so I can fall asleep and wake up for soccer tomorrow.

Tonight is a writing night. && pictures! Finally.

2011-08-04T23:48:00.003-04:00

This morning came faster than I expected. After waking up, I got changed in the bathroom so I wouldn't have to turn the light on and wake up Sarah in my room. I didn't want to change, or even get out of my bed. I was so warm and cozy in my sweats and sweatshirt with a pile of blankets on top of me. But I did. Then I grabbed an apple and ate it on the way to aerobics so I didn't become shaky and weak feeling like I was the other morning.

The air was cool, and not humid. Different than it has been in a while. I didn't like it until I heard it was running day. As a group led by Amy, we left the park and rec center for a run. We turned right and ran past County Market and Target and all the way down to the blue and red and white gas station on the corner. Then we turned right on Washington and straight down it for a while. Once we got to the Wabash Quick Mart we turned right on Wabash and ran until we got to the Lane Place then turned right again. We ran a little ways down that road (Water Street?) then Amy turned around and realized some of the girls were not with us. No one was sure what to do or how to find them. We walked up a hill that got us back to Washington. We looked up towards the first gas station and down towards the Wabash quick mart but saw no sign of them. So we walked back down the hill and somehow- a miracle. They were there! We walked past Tuttle and all the way as far as we could. Then turned right and walked by The Big Dipper. Once we got to the park we ran until we finally made it back to the Park and Rec. All of us safe and sound. And red faced and out of breath.

I was tired when I got home, but decided I didn't want to confuse Sarah like I confused Jacqueline. So instead of heading to the basement to nap, I crawled back in my bed. When we did wake up I decided we should make chocolate chip pancakes and she quickly agreed that it was a fine idea. But. We had no chocolate chips. So we made a quick run to the crappy Kroger near my house. And it was so worth it. They were some great pancakes.

After I took Sarah home, I stopped in my mom's classroom. I put on an ATeens CD and made book labels for her. She is cracking down on behavior this year, and becoming much more organized. So proud of her!

We decided on such a perfect day, we had to go to the pool. We met Kim there and all three soaked in the sun for a while.

Then, I had to go to the dentist. I like to smile, but I just do not like the dentist. Plus because of the time of my appointment I had to miss hanging out with Michael and Lexie and Maria and going to the zoo and seeing the baby elephant. But, I had to get a baby cavity filled :( and get three sealants. I did not like any of it. They didn't have to numb me, but they still used lots of tools that were uncomfortable. I did not like the sound or the gritty feeling they left in my mouth. But I guess my teeth are better. So okay.

My mom dropped me off at home where I hung out for a while watching tv and laying down and doing laundry and blogging and hanging out with Maggie, before heading over to my dad's.

Then I went to practice. First I had to talk to a newspaper guy. Which was again, awkward and hard to think of things on the spot. Then I went inside and took the concussion base test so just in case anything happens to us we can compare results and see how bad it is. It was a lot of memorizing and speed and shapes and colors and words and designs on the computer. Practice was half over by the time we finished and joined the rest of the team on the field. We ran and stretched and worked on a one vs one drill and had the ball punted by us then had to settle it then did hills.

After practice ended, Goalie, Hannah, Amber, and I went to McDonald's. We didn't really want to eat much after practicing, so we just went to hang out and talk and carry on a tradition? I also had a classic "Maddy Moment" while we were there. Goalie told us someone was on house arrest and immediately I exclaimed, "at his house!?" Then I realized what I said and joined in the laughter.

I came to my dad's, where I have been for the rest of the night. And read some and showered and blogged and talked. Also for the record. My stings are doing so much better.

I am so thankful for best friends. So thankful.

2011-08-04T17:55:00.002-04:00

[I'm just going to pretend like I wrote this last night when it was still August 3rd instead when I'm actually writing]

Today I woke up and went to aerobics at 6:30. Nothing new there. Then I came home and slept for a while and hung out the rest of the afternoon. It seems like basically this is all my days consist of. They're all starting to run together now.

Then went to practice at 7. The exciting part of my day came after practice. Sweat and all, I went straight from practice to pick up Sarah at her house. We drove to my grandparents, said hello, then jumped in the pool. Being in the pool at night is so much different than the day time. Instead of being all about the sun, it is all about the water I guess. The night air was cold so we both ended up huddled up in the shallow end looking like midgets/ducks. Like we had heads and legs and big feet. But nothing else. We talked until we decided it was too cold. Then went inside their house for blueberry muffins that my grandma suggested we eat.

Even though Sarah had to work tomorrow, and I had to get up for soccer we decided we should have a sleepover. It'd just been too long. I ran her by her house to get mostly her contact solution and case (and some other over night necessities) on our way to my mom's house.

We were so cold from being in the water that we put on sweatshirts and sweat pants. We liked looking at the stars in the pool so much that we wanted to continue to be under them. So we grabbed a sleeping bag, blanket, and 2 pillows and headed out to the trampoline. For a while we laid there and wished to see a shooting star and talked. We talked about everything, but a lot about boys. And school and how it would be okay without the homework. And also about how happy we are to be girls and how content we are to just sit and talk when we hang out rather than having something to do. So true. But soon we couldn't keep our eyes open any longer and rolled over and fell asleep for a while. Until my alarm went off at 12:30 and we gathered up the blankets and pillows and went inside to sleep for the rest of the night.

I've got sunshine in my pocket. I gotta sucha whatta perfect day. I'm feelin kinda worth it. Says the smile on my face.

2011-08-02T23:31:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was the first day of August. Ahh. Hitting August is a scary reality check. August means summer days are over, school starts and summer homework is due, 2 a days start, and so do our games.

I woke up for aerobics then went home and napped for a while. And spent a lot of the day reading the book The Things They Carried. It's a summer reading book, but I actually am liking it. It's simple language to understand and again it's a memoir where the author is writing about his life.

I just hung out a lot of the day and questioned my stings that continued to swell and itch. I put stuff on them, but nothing seemed to have helped.

Then I went to soccer practice. Which was hot, and hard, but good.

Before going to sleep, I checked Julie Abston's photography site and she had already uploaded the pictures she took the day before!! I was so pleasantly surprised! And very excited to see the rest. Then I blogged about July 31 (and cheated on the time stamp by setting it as if I did it that night instead of on Aug 1).

Today, August 2 came fast. Too fast. I woke up early this morning because the sting on my finger itched so badly. So I got up and put ice on it. By the time the ice cube melted, it was 6am and time for me to wake up. I fell back asleep and my alarm went off, and somehow I fell asleep again. I think I pressed dismiss and thought I pressed snooze. I didn't end up waking up until 6:45 to my teammate calling asking where I was. I threw clothes on and hurried to the rec center as fast as I could. I was so upset and embarrassed with myself. And my finger wasn't even any better. They were doing stations and I joined in, then we went on a run around the park. We came back and stretched to Jack Johnson. Oh how I love him and singing along with every word.

My leg and finger, as I said, were still getting worse. So I went to my mom's and took aspirin and benadryl and put more stuff on it. Then I went back to my dad's and slept.

When I woke up, I put my suit on and went to the kids' house that Steph babysits for. Steph, Sam Morgan, and Rat were all already in the pool where I joined them. I hadn't seen Steph in a while, not to mention the other two, and it was fun talking to them (well mostly listening to them) while soaking up the sun.

Then I met my mom and showed her the stings. She called the doctor and they were able to get me in quickly. I went all by myself for the first time. He gave me a prescription, and I met her at CVS to get it filled. After, I got gas in my car and subway so I had food to take the pills with. I felt like House having to take 8 all at once.

I got a quick nap in again before heading to soccer practice. It went pretty well and I didn't have a punishment from showing up late this morning. Thank goodness.

The rest of the night I have spent talking to Maria and blogging and facebooking and checking out the pictures Julie uploaded. Love them!

She looks like a flower, but got stung by a bee

2011-07-31T23:57:00.000-04:00

Yesterday July 31 was Sunday. I woke up at my dad's house and went to church wearing my new dress and sandals. The gospel reading was the miracle with the five loaves of bread and two fish. Maybe it's because that is one of the first stories we were taught in ccd, or because it's an easy one to remember. Whatever the reason, I have always been fond of that story. Fr. Dennis connected it to the image of young kids placing their parents money in the collection baskets. How they are so happy to be passing it on and they don't have an idea of there being an end or limit to receiving it. He suggested as we get older, we think like we did when we were the young ones hoping to get to place the money and the basket, and know that God's love is unconditional-there is no end or limit. And like the kids, He is happy and joyful and smiles about giving it to us.

I kept the outfit on, touched up my hair and drove to the Lane Place where I met my mom and Julie Abston. My mom's van was loaded with outfits and shoes and jewelery and Julie's camera was full of memory space ready to take my senior pictures. We started out at the Lane Place where I wore the navy dress and tan sandals and my mom's pearls. Julie thanked me for wearing my hair curly. She said that she's always excited to see curly hair and for some reason it just shoots better. At once, I took a quick liking to her. She was sweet and quiet, but still told me what she wanted. I changed in my mom's van and we drove to a downtown alley. Here I wore jeans, my letter jacket, and CHS colored Nikes. I changed again into a white skirt, black shirt, and my TOMs that read "Raise IQs, lower sea levels." She took some of these pictures by the Wabash fine arts building and some on the grass that's in the middle of the circle at Wabash. I changed again. This time into my favorite outfit. I put on black heels, the strapless dress I wore in my mom's wedding, and the necklace I wore to prom. I also put my hair up and held a pink flower from our house. These pictures she took at Wabash sitting on a black iron chair, bench, and a tree. I just felt elegant in the outfit, and even more so when she would say "beautiful or pretty" after clicking her camera. We got back in the car where I changed into my next and final outfit. I wore a dark gray shirt and dark jeans. We had to walk a ways on the trail, but it was worth it when we got to the fallen tree. I walked across it barefoot where I posed many ways. Before heading back to our cars, I took my hair down & put on a hat and she took a few more by some white flowers. She was so excited and thanked me for wearing a hat. She's right, they just add something. Having the outfits organized as well as the exact spots at the location helped to make it go smoothly. I didn't even mind that I had to carry a paper towel to dab the sweat when we took the trail pictures. I loved everything about getting my senior pictures and am so excited to see them. I felt really pretty, and I know that Julie is very creative and artsy.

I went back to my dad's for a bit. Then over to Sarah's. It was hot outside and we went for a swim. The water felt good. But the wasp stinging me as I laid there did not. It got me twice in the leg. Then moved to my hand. I felt it and tried to shoo it away, but it got me twice again. It really hurt. Especially the one on my finger, which was also the one that swelled up the most. I did not enjoy the rest of the time at the pool.

She just got back from Florida and I was so very happy to be with her again. We sat and talked for a while and I told her probably more than she'd ever want to know about the kids I went to OLAB with. Then we were in search of fruit. We stopped in at the cookout at my grandparents, but didn't see anything that was appealing to our fruit crave so we left.

We got money from my dad and went to the grocery store where we purchased strawberries, blueberries, angel food cake, pudding, cool whip, and a frozen pasta dinner. We prepared each ingredient then layered it to make a dessert.

We let it cool in the fridge while eating dinner. I was so happy to be all eating a meal together at my dad's. It seems like a long time since that's happened.

Sarah and I were quite pleased with our dessert. We scooped some out and took it outside to eat.

Then we played cards with Maria. We played BS and Maria lost three rounds in a row. Her friend, also named Sarah, came and joined in the game. This time Maria won. Soon Michael came over and taught us all how to play rummy. We laughed and played for a while, until I started getting a runny nose and yawning. I took Sarah home and went to bed at 12:30.

My day

2011-07-30T23:55:00.001-04:00

Today I slept in.

Today I went to the pool & visited my grandparents who were watching a cooking show.

Today I scouted the locations for my senior pictures.

Today I went to Maurices and Walmart. All by myself.

Today I packed and went to my dad's.

Today I painted my fingernails.

Today I napped.
Today I read a lot of pages in Stories I Only Tell My Friends. And loved it and its author.

Today I was easily frustrated and grouchy and moody. But tomorrow, tomorrow is a new day.

raindrops are falling on my window pane

2011-07-29T23:59:00.001-04:00

For aerobics today we did stations. But only 4 of us showed up so we didn't do many of them. Instead we headed outside and ran and walked around the park. Then came inside and did some weights and stretched.

When I got home my mom and I walked around our neighborhood. About a mile. Then we showered and got ready to shop. I feel like that's all my summer has consisted of. Actually, accroding to Maria, I wasn't really invited. But my mom wanted me to drive so I could learn the way-because clearly last time I had some issues.

At Plato's closet I got some money for clothes I gave them, and bought 2 shirts and a pair of jeans to use for my senior jeans. At the mall I bought a dress and pair of sandals from Charolette Rousse and a pretzel for lunch.

I also drove on the way home. Instead of back tracking, I took the route that my dad told me to take last time on my way home. And I did it all on my own. I was proud of myself.

When I got home I napped. In the basement. For a long time.

Then, I hung out until dinner time. We had hamburgers and fries and watermelon. I also jumped on the trampoline and painted my mom's fingernails. My mom, Dan, and I sat on the porch and talked for a while, then they told me to go visit my grandparent's. I really wanted to play soccer, but had no one but Maggie to play with. So I went to my grandparents.

The hour I spent talking with them was lovely. I told them about soccer and aerobics and about our Laffayette trip. My grandma told me her plans for painting the blue leather recliner and my grandpa looked at her like she was crazy. She had remembered a necklace I wore recently and gave me a pink string of beads. Then, my grandpa told me about the pearls he bought her in Asia and the story of getting them restrung that he gave her for their wedding. Soon we decided I should head home so I did.

I spent the rest of the night coming up with outfits to wear for my pictures and modeling them for my mom and Dan. I came up with 5. Now I am blogging and about to read some Rob Lowe and go to sleep. And it seems I get to fall asleep to the sound of rain. So relaxing and calming.

The entire day I have been listening to the cd Sandy gave me. I love it! Getting new music is so exciting. I also kept thinking about how great of a person, and friend she is. My mom told me how much we were alike and I said I know! We always find so much alike about us too.

Spending a sunny day with Sandy

2011-07-28T23:06:00.000-04:00

Today for aerobics we started class by running around Milligan park. By the time we were done outside, we only had a few minutes left. Enough time to get mats out, play a tape of Jack Johnson, and do some core work and stretching.

When I got home I did not go right to sleep! Instead, I met my mom at the animal shelter where we parked our cars and walked the section of the trail near by. Maggie also walked with us. Because it has been so hot and dry for so long, most of the grass and flowers are not doing well. But the ones around the trail are some of the better, and will probably be one of the locations of my senior pictures! This find was exciting.

Then I went home to my dad's and fell asleep for a while, before having to wake up to go to the dentist. I have never really been a fan of going there. I don't like all of the feelings in my mouth- not the gritty stuff they put on my teeth, and not the cotton gauze that they hold my tongue with.

Afterwards, I went home to my mom's. Sandy Williams and I were planning to hang out today, but weren't sure what we were going to do yet. While we made our plans, I laid out on the trampoline and read more of Stories I Only Tell my Friends.

Then, began my day with Sandy! We went to Arni's for lunch. I got a cheese pizza and she got a salad. We sat in the booth in the back and talked for a while-catching up on the basics.

Next, we went to my grandparents pool. My mom, Kim, and Wendy were there. But they had their own circle and we had ours. Soon they left, and were replaced by Michael and Trent. Unlike the ladies, they did not seclude themselves. They splashed and talked with us for hours while soaking up the sun. We talked about everything from different religions to college to Trent's incident with the diving board last summer to how to throw a punch. Then the boys left, and Sandy and I stayed in the water. Sandy and I seemed to talk about everything. This time more meaningful, deeper conversations about our lives and the people in them. When we were talking about divorce, she told me she has always admired my ability to deal with everything and to not go crazy from it. This meant a lot, and will be one of those things I remember forever.

Before going back to my mom's, we stopped at Drew's house to let his dog out. His dog, Ollie, was so cute. I just love dogs. Back at my house we sat in my room and looked through my photo pictures and 4H pictures. We decided with our minds put together, we could definitely create some great stuff. We also just sat and talked. I love when I can do this, and know it's the sign of a really good friend. When you don't have to entertain and think of things to do, but you're just content listening and talking with each other. Sandy and I have been able to do so since we first starting hanging out during gymnastics my freshman year. I love talking to her because she does listen and is honest and is 100% trustworthy. Plus its always easier talking to someone that understands and relates to the way I think about things.

We also jumped on the trampoline. We both threw our front and back tucks. She helped me to realize I needed to tuck tighter which really helped me to improved. I also threw a crazy stunt, that neither of us are still sure how I landed. I really thought I was straight in the air and going to land that way. But instead of on my feet, on my head. Sandy and I were amazed and then laughed and laughed. We decided it was a good one to end on and went inside to heat up our dinner.

My mom cooked us pasta and chicken which we ate on the porch. Maggie also hung out with us, begging for any little taste of what we were eating. Soon Sandy left. I was so happy that we finally got together. So very happy.

Since she left, I have been hanging out with Michael. Watching an old SNL hosted by Justin Timberlake and blogging.

summer lovin. lovin summer.

2011-07-27T23:53:00.001-04:00

I was so proud this morning that when my mom was coming into my room I was already awake for aerobics so I sat up in bed. And waited for her to be happily surprised to see me awake. I almost fell asleep sitting up. She did not come. After looking at my phone and seeing it was only 3 am, I realized she wasn't coming to wake me up at all. Just going to the bathroom. I don't know how I am such an alert sleeper-but I am very impressed with myself.

Three hours later, I did wake up and went to aerobics. Today we did step aerobics and ran around Milligan Park. When I got home I watched the morning news with my mom for a while until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and fell back asleep.

I continued to watch tv and fall asleep off and on into the afternoon. Then my mom, Maggie, and I went to my grandparents to swim. Maggie, of course did not get anywhere near the water. Even though it was in the 90s and felt much better in the cool water. The sun wasn't out and it wasn't long before we left and drove around in the country for a while.

When we got home I laid outside on the trampoline and continued reading Rob Lowe's autobiography titled Stories I Only Tell my Friends. The times when I do find myself reading, I require it to be very quiet so I can focus on the many words among the pages. I have already read 60 pages of his book and I love it. I love it because it is him, obviously. But I love hearing his story and the events that shaped his life and career. Even if a fictional character's story seems more realistic than the events in a autobiography, I always find myself being more interested in the memoir.

Then, Maria and I packed up and came to my dad's house for the night. I took the nailpolish off my nails and painted it onto Maria's. French tips on her toes and red on her fingers. Although I can't be as fancy as the rainforest scene I had painted on my toes this summer (by a man), I like to think that I do a fine painting job. The three of us went to dinner. To Little Mexico. Of course. Although this time it wasn't my chosing. I also read more in Rob Lowe's book, made Maria and I's beds with just washed sheets, and talked on the phone. My Aunt Michelle called, and I was just so excited. I love talking on the phone and especailly to her. It could be partly because we are related, or partly because she is a committed reader of my blog, but for whatever reason she just seems to understand me and my life so well. I am so thankful I got to spend time with her and Max at the beginning of the summer, and I hope I get to again soon. But I fear that with school just around the corner it may be a while.

Finding Our Way

2011-07-26T22:55:00.003-04:00

This morning, again I turned off my alarm without waking up to it. My mom woke me up at 6:15 and I left for aerobics. Today was a little harder, as it went a little longer and I was sore from the previous day.

When it ended, I burrowed on the couch downstairs and fell asleep. It was cool and dark and quiet with the exception of the tv. I woke up around 10:15 and woke Jacqueline up too. We got ready and tried to leave for our expedition. But the GPS wouldn't turn on. Then we were going to use Michael's, but couldn't find his. We debated if we should even go or not and decided we should. We got directions on google maps and headed to Lafayette. Then, our directions did not take us as promised. When our road ended, we were stuck, so I did the most logical thing and called my dad. He talked us through our way there and we made it to the mall. One would think I could make it there on my own by now, but it is hard with so many different ways to reach the destination. And it seems everyone I've ever ridden with drives their own way. Once we got to the parking lot we called my dad again and got the easy directions to Plato's Closet.

Jacqueline had never been to the store before, and was rather pleased by the place. As well, I enjoy the name brand clothing that's still in good condition, but at a much more reasonable price. Plus you don't have to go to all of the different stores, it is all right there in one. That is it's downfall as well. You have to take the time and have the patience to sort through the aisles and aisles of clothing. Jacqueline and I did and both bought stuff. She bought a lot of things that were purple, had jewels on it, or both! I bought two pairs of jeans and two shirts.

Then, after turning around once, we made it back to the mall on our own. We stopped at Panera for lunch. She got her usual, chicken noodle soup, and I got a turkey sandwich. While we ate we had a conversation driven by my blog post about love and colleges. We also talked about OLAB. I believe from now on we will always talk about OLAB. She sat facing the wall, but I sat facing the people. I people watched and saw a man that looked like a mix of Michael and Arnaud from OLAB, a girl wearing very wedged shoes, and an old man with a plaid shirt tucked in to his high waist-ed pants topped off with a hat.

Before leaving the mall, we called my dad and got directions home. It wasn't that we couldn't retrace our path-but we knew there would be a much simpler route. I can even still relay the directions if needed! Although my dad stayed on the phone with me for a lot of the time telling me where to turn, and after I completed it, the next step. I was really thankful that he had the time, and patience to direct me even though he was at work. And it took an especially large amount of each because every time I would make it to the light I was supposed to turn at, it would turn to red. Every time. His car and direction knowledge always benefit me- getting a copy of the key to my car made, putting gas in my car for the first time, changing the oil to my car, vacuuming it out, getting the license registered or something that involved the police coming to my house and filling out a form, changing the alternator, and being there when I got rear ended.

Jacqueline and I ran home and "dashed inside" to exchange our shopping bags for our swimsuits just as Grandma had done the day before when she grabbed the chicken casserole before going to visit Mae. We said hi to our Grandpa, changed into our suits, and were joined by Michael Templeton and Ryan Teeter to swim. Jacqueline hadn't hung out with them since last summer, and sadly I hadn't either. They are both really sweet and really funny. Their bromance is similar to Peter and Bryce's. It is so much fun to listen to them play off of each other in conversation. It also seems that every time I'm with them we cover everything imaginable to talk about. I was sad that we had to leave so soon, but before we did they came inside with us to say goodbye to my grandparents. My grandparents appreciated it, at least I think. Then my grandparents kissed Jacqueline and I goodbye and we all laughed when my grandma said "no kisses for the big boys." And that she couldn't reach them anyways.

We rushed home, changed our clothes and rode with my mom to Brownsburg where we met Dan, Aunt Amy, Maria, and Julia. We ate at Boulder Creek and shared stories of our sister swap. (We traded Maria for Jacqueline). We also laughed about the waiter bringing Jacqueline a plate of lemons when she asked for lemonade and admired the cute waiter at the table beside ours. We said our goodbyes and promised we'd see each other soon.

The rest of my evening was spent watching Jeopardy, playing soccer with Maggie, doing laundry, and blogging.

"Oh Lauzy Day"

2011-07-25T23:57:00.005-04:00

Waking up for aerobics came fast. But I didn't respond well to my alarm. I did however respond well to my mom coming into my room and saying it's 6:20. I don't think I even knew what that meant. I just said whatt? And ran out of bed. Luckily, somehow I made it to the rec center at 6:30 and class didn't start right on time so I had a chance to wake up a little bit. Aerobics was fun, besides it being way too early for me to be moving and coordinated. We alternated between cardio and weights every two minutes. It is a good way to ease into conditioning, but I don't think it can replace running.

When I came home, I headed to the basement where I napped for a good 2 1/2 hours. After I woke up so did Jacqueline and we watched Home Alone 2 with Michael until Grandma called and made lunch plans with us.

It turned out that when we had arrived at their house at 12 Grandma had already eaten lunch with Grandpa. Jacqueline decided on Little Mexico and Grandma told us she'd join us for dessert. She got coffee and flan while Jacqueline and I ate real food. Well kind of. At lunch Grandma entertained us with stories of when our moms were young and they went traveling/camping with the trailer for 3 weeks during the summer.

After lunch we walked downtown to Whatever. Jacqueline got a car magnet for her car and Grandma got a card for her friend Alice.

Before going home, we stopped at Mae's house for a visit. She was a little shaken up when we got there, but it was a good thing we showed up when we did. We sat and talked to her for a while, then my grandma told us she would stay and for us to go swim. Jacqueline and I did for a little while, but went back at 3 to get my Grandma. We didn't think it was necessary for her to walk home down the big hill and especially not in this heat. When we picked her up Mae seemed much, much better.

Jacqueline and I went back to the pool where Wendy and Tracy were. They left, but we stayed. We floated on the rafts and told lots of stories of past relationships and those that never were. Then we said goodbye to our grandparents and went back to my house.

We went through some of the piles in my room and she helped me throw stuff away and consolidate the stuff I kept. I also showed off the Rob Lowe magazine cover I have coveted since I found it freshman year in Mrs. Veatch's bio class.

We joined my mom and Dan for a dinner of steaks on the grill, bruschetta, and watermelon! Yum. So many summer time favorites all at once.

After dinner Jacqueline and I hung out the rest of the night. We walked to the playground and swung on the swings while singing Taylor Swift. We laid on the trampoline and chatted. We played Just Dance and she beat me every time. We watched Tosh.O. Then we decided I should get to bed. So a relapse of this morning doesn't happen when I have to get up early for aerobics.

[Also. Tomorrow I plan to add the pictures to this post and yesterdays.]

the 23 & 24

2011-07-24T23:57:00.001-04:00

Saturday morning I woke up early. Without my alarm even going off. I was so excited to go to The Lord's Pantry with my dad. We got there earlier than I ever had before. I helped flatten out bags and unload the truck! Both of which I had never done. I also got to use my Spanish, which was very exciting. I translated a flyer about the neighborhood party against crime! I gave my effort to wear my smile, but I know it wasn't very good because I was very sleepy the whole time.

When we got home I felt like I napped a lot of the day away.

Then I went to my moms then met Hannah and Alex at my grandparents house to swim! We hung out in the water and talked a lot. Hannah and I also performed our flips for Alex which was really really funny.

We went to Alex's to shower and grab movies and were joined by Steph before heading to steak n shake for 4 shakes and 2 frisco melts.

Then we went to Hannah's for the night. We talked some more and watched Despicable Me. I didn't stay awake long enough to watch the end of it though. I think we were all sleepy that night.

Sunday morning, today, I woke up early and drove home from Hannah's to get ready for church. The Gospel reading was about the Pearl of Great Price, which just made me miss chapel and Camp Tecumseh dearly.

We hung out at home for a while, then drove to the southport Target where we met up with the Vanderkolks. We swapped Maria for Jacqueline. They left, but we stayed and looked around. I ended up getting a dress, a pair of gold flats, and Rob Lowe's autobiography! I love him. And am so excited to read it. He is my favorite.

Jacqueline, my mom, Dan, and I went to my grandparents house for dinner and viewing of some old VHS tapes. We watched Aunt Amy as a 500 Princess and my Grandpa as Elvis. What a sight.

The rest of the night Jacqueline and I hung out. We drove to Walmart and Family Video, danced, watched Tosh.O and texted. Lovely. Tomorrow I have to go to soccer at 6:30 am. Which is not lovely. So I had to cut this post short and now need to get to bed.

Love is the answer; atleast for most of the questions in my heart. like why are we here? and where do we go? and how come it's so hard?

2011-07-22T23:48:00.004-04:00

Today I vacuumed my room and worked at decluttering my closet. Then I ended up shoving the clutter and piles from my room into one corner. The rest of my room looks much more attractive, but that corner makes me look like a hoarder. Really. :( My goal is to eliminate what I can next week and find places for the rest.

I also went with my mom and dropped of Sandy's dress at the dry cleaner and we ordered old county champ soccer patches for my letter jacket. Both should have been done a long time ago, but at least we can check them off now.

I laid out at the pool for an hour and soaked in as much sun as my skin would let me. Yesterday my Grandparents concluded that I have my grandma's olive Italian skin. I like to think so too.

Feeling like I had done nothing of the sort in a while, I attempted to run on the treadmill. I got a mile in. Kind of. I guess the distance was still a mile even though I did have a break or two to sit on the couch and pet Maggie.

Then I got showered and dressed and met Kalina, Olivia, and Hannah at Little Mexico for dinner. It had been a really long time since I had seen any of them, and it was great to be together. Over lots of chips & salsa and cokes & a strawberry daiquiri we sufficiently caught each up with our vacations and mission trips and boys and camps and jobs that have made up our summers thus far.

I came home to my dads for the remainder of the night where I painted my fingernails pink, learned a new hair braid, talked to friends, and ate pop corn with Maria.

I also read as much as google books would let me of two books that I had made note of when I went to Barnes and Noble earlier this summer. I savored the words I read and yearned for more. Then I thought.

1) I thought about college and how there are so many great schools with so much to offer, that seriously there can't just be one that is for me. There have to be multiple that could fit my wishes. That makes the college search less frightful and takes off some of the pressure. Adults are always asking where do you want to go and what do you want to study and all I ever say is I don't really know. And that is okay. I still have a while until I have to decide. Remembering this helps to relieve some of the anxiousness about the whole college search as well.

2) Then I was thinking about what I want to do "when I grow up." And again, there are so many different subjects that interest me and that I believe I have the talents to succeed at with enough training or education. I've always thought I could be a hair dresser/cosmetologist. Or something in the medical field. Or a counselor. Or a photographer. Or a writer. Or after OLAB something to do with advertising. I feel like I could be satisfied as any of these-not that there is one job that I am intended to do and only one that I will fit.

3) I was obviously on the same thought trend. Until I thought about marriage and love. Reading the few pages of Two Kisses For Maddy that I was able to, I could already tell the immense, passionate, fool proof love that Matt shared for Liz. One of a kind. But the same kind that both set of my grandparents have for each other. And the kind that I someday want to share with my own husband. I am a sucker for every love and romance story. Whether it be the plot of a movie, characters in a book, or examples present in my every day life. I often fantasize and think oh I like that characteristic in him or those personality traits in him and someday my husband will be a collective combination of everyone of those all in one. And he will be better than I could ever piece together in my head or dream of.

4) But then. I think about falling for boys of my past and those still to come. How does that tie in? And people that get remarried? Is there only one person for each of us? Or are there more that could fit like my theory about colleges and jobs? No. I like to feel that there is just one. And that if you let it, it will happen. And within right time or patience it will be revealed and obvious who is the one. But what if it's someone that you have been around the whole time? It's possible. It happens. And even though I don't have the choice & am forced to, I can wait to find out. Because even though I really just want to know all of the answers-especially to the question who? part of it is the process of dating the wrongs and ending up with the right. What good love story is without a meet cute as the character of Arthur Abbott puts it in The Holiday:

Say a man and a woman both need something to sleep in and both go to the same men's pajama department. The man says to the salesman, "I just need bottoms," and the woman says, "I just need a top." They look at each other and that's the 'meet cute.'

But then. There's always the high divorce rate nowadays and the idea of romantic love not lasting compared to arranged marriages. Where does that play in the equation and in my thoughts? Well. I don't really know. I suppose it's possible to get along with and cope and live with eventually anyone. But even then, I think even if you aren't married to them, there is still your one match.

Maybe I'm just a crazy, dreamer that needs to stay out of the sun and get more sleep.

Its a girl thing

2011-07-21T23:49:00.004-04:00

I did some calculations and here are my findings. We have had approximately 52 nights of summer so far and of those 15 I spent sleeping in my bed at my moms house. 8 of those in the span of the last six weeks. (the other seven were all in the first week and a half of summer). So this morning you can only imagine how happy I was to wake up in my own bed.

I got ready as quickly as I could while still waking up then picked up Morgan. Neither of us are much fair goers, but we are definitely artists and decided we could tackle going to the fair together to look at the projects. We were happy with our luck that it wasn't very hot yet, and definitely not very crowded yet. Then when we went to pull on the doors of the small building that contained photography, the door was locked. Apparently, even though the fair goes until Friday, it was over. This year I did not attend the fair or the strawberry festival. Wow.

A few hours after our fair disappointment, I picked up Kara Riley which brightened my day. We went to Little Mexico for lunch where we told each other stories of our summer. We usually fit in yesterdays stories or a weekends worth of stories during seventh period where we are stud asses for Mrs. Lewellen, and today over one lunch we squeezed in a summer's worth! I love Kara and will miss her a lot while I'm still at CHS and she's starting as a freshman at Ball State.

I went to the pool. Of course. It's kind of like my getaway and safe haven. But for everyday purposes. Eventually I was joined by the rest of my family as well.

Then I went back to my dad's house. I propped both of my legs up on the couch and leaned back with my lap top. Then i proceeded to reblog everything that I had written last night which all got erased. It wasn't as awful as I figured it would be.

Finally I picked up Sarah! It had been two weeks since we hung out. We went to dinner at Applebees and did a lot of story telling and sharing. Me of OLAB and Sarah of Colorado. We shared the appetizer sampler which we both were really happy about and the famous triple chocolate meltdown for dessert. Before leaving we walked over and said hi to my mom and Dan and Michael and Lexi who walked in as we were eating. Funny stuff. Even my mom and Dan were clearly excited to see Sarah, and sad to hear that she is leaving for Florida tomorrow.

The rest of the night I spent at my dad's. I continued researching colleges and edited and spell checked every single post I have written thus far and talked to Maria and Michael and plotted with Jacqueline about next week and practiced my Spanish by texting Josue.

Also for the record. I would like to give a shot out to my girl Maggie. She has been set free in the basement this week and controls herself well. She has also been invited in the house more and is behaving. Aunt Wendy and I talk about this a lot-she is a dog person too. And we both agree they just love to be with people. Maggie also recognizes the sound of car keys and knows that when we pick them up we are going somewhere. I realized this because today was the second day she ran to the garage door when she heard them. I felt bad I couldn't take her with to the pool, so instead I took her for a ride around the neighborhood in my car, then dropped her off at home, and continued onwards to the pool.

Sounds of Summer

2011-07-20T23:59:00.023-04:00

This morning I woke up after dreaming that I got lost in a very deadly snow storm. A fellow student asked me to take him home, and while I really didn't want to I said yes. I dropped him off, but got lost in the mounds of snow in his neighborhood. Eventually I think someone picked me up, but I felt awful because I lost the family sled. Even though I was previously driving a car. But then I woke up to find just the opposite. I woke up and found myself safe in my bed in the middle of a sweltering hot day. In fact the heat index was said to be at 115.

I wrote my second OLAB thank you letter. I lean towards the quieter, shy side for the most part. But I really like writing letters. Partly because of that part of my personality. I do have a lot to say, and it is easier for me to write it and say it in a letter. And partly because I like my handwriting. And a lot because I find postal mail to have a lot more meaning than email. It is more personal and more traditional.

Then I drove to the high school. Which was weird. I like staying away from there-and being on break. But I went to drop off my sports physical and to pick up a copy of my report card for my dad. It ended up being pretty good, besides the final pre-cal exam that lowered my overall grade. I knew that I should have studied more for it, and taken it more seriously. But I really just didn't have it in me. Not after a three day weekend, then going back on a Tuesday for one more day full of exams. Plus when we had the student teacher second semester I did not learn the material as well. But enough excuses.

I went to my grandparents house to swim, but before I head down to the pool I always walk through the house and say hello to them. They invited me to sit down with them in the family room even though my grandpa had just shampooed the carpet. Then they got me started talking about OLAB. They went to the graduation, but said the speakers moved to quickly and spoke to softly for them to grasp what went on that week. I filled them in on what we did and what I learned. I enjoyed the week, and had a good time telling them about it. It's always nice to talk to someone who is interested and listening. When I said I liked the advertising aspect my grandma concluded that it comes easier to us. We know what appeals to us and what catches our eyes where we like to shop. But my grandpa made fun of her and said she just shops at Big R. But she told us that she used to be a shopper. And she bought a very fancy pair of white satin shoes from a big fancy store in New York-I didn't really catch the name of it though.

After talking with them for a while, I went to the pool and met up with the sun. I floated on the water on the silver raft. But today there was no one else. No chit chat of the ladies to listen to. Just the occasional flutter of my hands in the water.

I came back to my dad's once I said goodbye to my grandparents. I hung out at his house and did some research on colleges. From this questionnaire I took, collegeboard suggested Boston College (in Boston, Mass), Fontbonne University in St. Louis, Mo, & Lewis University in Romeoville, IL. I guess I will look more into them online. It's just so overwhelming all of the choices out there. But honestly, I feel like for the most part they are all good. And that there isn't just one place I belong. I could fit in a lot of places. I just have to figure out which ones, then narrow it down from there I guess.

I packed stuff for the night, went to my mom's, then soon drove back to the high school for soccer practice. When I first showed up, my coach came to my car to talk to me. To tell me not to worry about putting my stuff on, then to talk to me about playing as a forward. He said the other coach and him noticed when I was shooting Monday that I have a pretty good shot and get good power behind it. He also said I am fairly aggressive, but also that I'm good plus experienced at defense. I guess time will tell where he wants me to play. I think I could definitely handle the challenge of playing as a forward this year. And it would be exciting. Then enough girls ended up showing up that I got to put my shin guards and long socks and cleats on and we got to play! There were only about ten of us and we worked on a lot of basic drills. I liked the one that incorporated passing and sending the ball long and shooting. I was so proud when I heard the swish of my ball being caught in the net of the goal. Drip drip drip was the sweat all over my body, but it felt good to be out on the field kicking the ball around. We had lots of drink breaks and our coach is so sweet-he even brought an ice cooler with wet towels so we could wipe away the sweat. Much better than my grandpa's stories of his high school football coach.

Once practice ended I drove to my grandparents and jumped in the pool. It felt so good to jump and splash and be in the water, but it wasn't even that refreshing. Even when I got out on the water and stood in the summer night air, I was not chilled. I said goodbye to my grandparents who thanked me for explaining my week at OLAB earlier that afternoon, then went to my mom's for the night.

I walked in the house just in time to join the family in Jeopardy. My mom and Dan were excited to show me the new guy they found for me. On jeopardy. Ya good one. But when I started watching the show, and getting correct answers I sat down and watched the entire episode with them. Michael was convinced I'd see the show already-but nope I just know things. Always a confidence booster.

I realized all of my bedding was still in my car from OLAB and had to go outside in the dark to get it. All by myself. It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. The heat of the day still hung in the air and the stars filled the sky. The sounds and voices of the chirping critters were easily heard. Their sweet songs took over the still silence of the night.

The rest of the evening I sat in my room in my black leggings and over sized gray sweatshirt that hung off my shoulder. Click clack click clack was the sound my fast fingers made on my laptops keys as I facebooked and texted friends while listening to pandora radio and ate some chocolate covered coffee beans. I also blogged. Well I tried. But when I posted it, the Internet claimed to not be able to find the page and I lost everything I wrote. I became really frustrated and upset-not sure who or what was at fault. So after that I basically climbed in bed. My own bed. Finally. This summer I have slept so many places besides my own bed-it's really crazy. Even though I was frustrated and gave up on blogging for the night I still smiled. I was talking to my friend from OLAB-David. Once he told me his goal was to make people happy or smile and he is really good at it. At OLAB he was always around people and no matter who it was always striking up a conversation. Really outgoing, but more than that David is genuinely friendly. And therefore great at making people smile. Including me last night even after losing everything I wrote. :)

2011-07-20T23:55:00.002-04:00

I give up. I blogged only to have it all erase before I published it. Awesome. Thanks internet/computer/who ever is at fault.

Maybe tomrrow I will rewrite everything I just wrote about
-the dream i woke up to
-writing a letter
-going to chs
-visiting my grandparents
-swimming
-soccer
-night swim
-jeopardy
-my happy night. happy until now that is.

just another day

2011-07-19T23:55:00.002-04:00

Today I slept in a lot.

Then I went to the pool with Aunt Wendy and MaryGrace and my mom and Wendy and Susie and Kim.

I started to tackle my crazy email. I had some all the way back to 2008. I clearly, deleted a lot.

Maria and I went to visit with and say goodbye to Aunt Wendy and MaryGrace at my grandparents house. We sat outside by the pool and watched the bats fly around it, then went inside and took lots of funny pictures. My grandma was so excited to take a picture with my grandpa-it was really cute.

And I missed all of my labbies. It was so nice always have people and friends around.

Without the details

2011-07-18T23:09:00.001-04:00

Sunday July 17
-I woke up and went to church. I really love Fr. Dennis's homilies. They always have a modern tie in or personal story that he relates the readings too and it just really helps me to understand and grasp the idea. He used "the rest of the story" thing and also talked about being the weeds and being the wheat. When he made a joke that his past girlfriends (he didn't become a priest until later in life) would consider him the weeds, I felt like I was back at OLAB sitting in Korb listening to Greg Shaheen.
-I mowed.
-I blogged about OLAB. It was hard to start and I contemplated for a long time organizing it chronologically or by category. But I was so happy to write it once I got going. So much love.
-I watched USA lose to Japan in a really good final game of the women's world cup. :(
-Then I hung out with Morgan and talked about OLAB and life and we walked downtown to Little Mexico and back to her house.

Monday July 18
-I slept in yay!
-I cleaned up my room a little.
-I went to the pool. Lots of people were there. Brother Trent and Michael. Aunt Wendy and MaryGrace! Wendy and Kim and Susie. And my mom. It was very hot, and not that sunny. But I have missed laying out.
-I wrote a letter. On my fanciest card paper. I love the quote by Margaret Shepherd from her book The Art of the Handwritten Note:-I went to soccer! It was still hot and there were lots of gnats. But I loved it. I hadn't been able to go for a while and was so happy to be out on the field again! I wasn't even worried about my white cleats getting dirty this time. That was a big step to take.

"A handwritten note is like dining by candlelight instead of flicking on the lights, like making a gift instead of ordering a product, like taking a walk instead of driving. Handwritten notes will add a lot to your life. You can still use the telephone or the web for the daily chores of staying in touch, but for the words that matter, its courteous, classy, caring, and civilized to pick up a pen."

-Now I am blogging and about to watch a documentary on Netflix about shoes! Called Just for Kicks. Then go to sleep.