I love my family. My parents and siblings and my dog and grandparents and aunts and uncles and every single cousin. They are of utmost importance in my life.
And today one of them is celebrating her birthday! And it just so happens that she is one of my biggest most loyal blog followers. When I'm slacking, she reminds me that I haven't written anything in a while and it reassures me that while my blog is ultimately for myself to write and reflect, it is also to share. And for others to stay informed and to enjoy.
My Aunt Michelle has always been an awesome aunt. (Not better than any of my others who I love equally as much. There is no comparison among family. I am so thankful for each member). But it's easy to say we are close and that she just gets things about me I guess. I love that she is always interested in my college decision and in my relationships with boys including my dad and the songs on my iPod and the books I'm reading. Since I was young she was always up for taking us to the pool and encouraging the sunshine on our skin while we spent all afternoon playing in the water. She always let's us spend the night with her which never fails to include popcorn and koolade or Popsicles. Also watching movies- especially the VHS of Harriet the Spy.
After the death of both of my grandparents, she is always quick to talk about it which is so hard to do. I know our entire family loved and missed them, but it's so nice when she outwardly tells me that I'm not alone in my sorrows.
She is also a great wife. And mom! I had so much fun staying with her this summer and spending our days with Max as Tom was in classes. She never hesitated to put Max first and satisfy him before herself. She also let me share in holding her precious bundle of joy. I can't believe he is standing on his own and walking now! I believe it though because he is being raised with such loving parents (and because of the cute videos and pictures I am sent).
February 27, 2012
February 26, 2012
Senior Night!
Even on our three day weekend when we had Monday off I was up early. I worked from 9:30-2:30. The lunch we served was in the Allen center. We served a Mexican buffet to prospective students, their parents, a few faculty members, & alumni. I thought it was ironic as this was just me the day before. Though I really enjoyed my lunch with Jason- Wabash definitely set up their lunch better I thought. We were just turned loose to explore all the food options and find seats and such. But Wabash had the one easy buffet table (well two) and professors sitting with the kids at each table engaging in the conversation.
When I got home I went right to work on my poster for senior night that was in just a few hours! I love making collages and I had so many pictures to try to fit onto one (smaller than normal sized) poster. I cut down each picture. And then cut them down again. But I still couldn't manage to fit them all.
I loved looking at all of the pictures I scrambled together of gymnastics over the years. They brought back so many fond memories. But my favorite were the ones from way back. In my glory days at the park and rec center. If only I never quit...
My bar routine went pretty well too. Until I came around with too much momentum on my long hang on the low bar. The loud cracking sound as my hip bones hit the bar was a little much for me and I ended up falling. Twice. Both on pop-on attempts. But at least my legs were straight on my long hang. And It made for a funny picture for sure.
Even though having a crowd intimidates Sami and I, I love when my family and friends come to support me. Gymnastics meets are long and both my mom and Dan and my dad have been to almost every one. They were all at this meet. But so were some of my other friends like Josue and Marlee!
Sandy was also there!! I was so excited! We became such good friends from gymnastics. I was sad when her senior night came along and I was only a sophomore. But I was so thankful and excited that she came back! And especially to watch Sami and I on our senior night! Sandy is one of my best friends. I love hanging out with her and just talking for hours. We really are so much alike. Its like she just gets me. We are both creative and crafty and have similar morals and values and love to sing Taylor Swift! She is also so positive and encouraging. Oh! And quite a talented gymnast herself.
After the meet ended we had to put all of our equipment away including the floor (2 different layers of about 50 boards of plywood and big carpet rolls). Then they announced the scores and awards. And we beat north! Not only that. But we got 92. something points! We hadn't broken our goal of 90 all year and finally did!
Before leaving, Sami and I ended up being interviewed by the paper reporters. Even though we tried to avoid it. Sami talked about how much she loves the girls on the team and how much fun she always has around them. I talked about how this isn't just a sports team. On the back of our shirts this year it says welcome to the family. And that is truly what the CHS gymnastics team has been to me. We get the love and support from our coaches and from each other. We laugh together and cry and fight and cheer for each other. But ultimately it is all out of love. No one is shy or afraid to be themselves. We share lots and lots of stories- even the embarrassing ones. And we really are together and with each other even more than I am with any of my cousins or real family besides the ones I live with. Being a part of this team has taught me dedication and perseverance and what it means to have heart for something and put it into your work. It has also taught me to get along well with each other and to be honest and to be positive and uplifting.
When I got home I went right to work on my poster for senior night that was in just a few hours! I love making collages and I had so many pictures to try to fit onto one (smaller than normal sized) poster. I cut down each picture. And then cut them down again. But I still couldn't manage to fit them all.
After about an hour, lots of rubber cement, and some gold glitter glue it was finished! I laid books on the pictures so they dried straight and stuck well. I even had enough time to spare for a quick nap!
When we got to our meet we stretched like we always do. But this time when we walked out it was a little different. It was the county meet so Crawfordsville walked out first. Then North. Then South. But Sami and I stayed behind. We were announced separately and escorted by our parents. Marka had tears as she said such kind words about both Sami and I.
The meet overall went really well! For all of us. My floor routine was probably the best I have ever done. I got everything! Including both of my round off back handspring back handspring passes and my gmacro. My score was also my highest which was 6.675 or something close to that. It felt so good and left me full of energy. (after I took some deep heavy breaths of course to make up for holding my breath during my routine)
Before leaving, Sami and I ended up being interviewed by the paper reporters. Even though we tried to avoid it. Sami talked about how much she loves the girls on the team and how much fun she always has around them. I talked about how this isn't just a sports team. On the back of our shirts this year it says welcome to the family. And that is truly what the CHS gymnastics team has been to me. We get the love and support from our coaches and from each other. We laugh together and cry and fight and cheer for each other. But ultimately it is all out of love. No one is shy or afraid to be themselves. We share lots and lots of stories- even the embarrassing ones. And we really are together and with each other even more than I am with any of my cousins or real family besides the ones I live with. Being a part of this team has taught me dedication and perseverance and what it means to have heart for something and put it into your work. It has also taught me to get along well with each other and to be honest and to be positive and uplifting.
February 21, 2012
Xavier preview day
Sunday I didn't get to sleep in again. My mom, Dan, and I left our house at 6:30 and drove to Cincinnati to a preview day at Xavier. I slept almost the whole way in the back seat. Until a nosebleed woke me up. Somehow it didn't get on my white northface at all! I was so thankful.
When we got there we walked around a little while inside of Cintas-the basketball arena and ate yummy cookies and saw the Raters family. Then we went inside the arena and sat down with all of the other prospective students and their parents. Two men spoke about Xavier and what sets them apart from other similar schools.
Then the parents were dismissed. This is when I started to get nervous. But then Morgan and I made eye contact across the rows and met in the middle. To our dismay we were released to mock class rooms that were assigned to us on our agendas. I was anxious to leave the one person I knew and to be going to a history class. But before my small group even left Cintas, I walked next to a friendly face. I don't even remember what he said to me, but I am so thankful for whatever it was. Jason and I walked side by side the whole walk through the cold wind to the LCL where our class was. We sat at a table together as we listened to the professor tell us what we can do with a history major and a lesson about the Lowell factory workers?
When we walked out of the LCL on our way to a residence hall, the automatic door suddenly slammed shut as I was walking out. It was heavy too. Luckily I didn't have to relive that embarrasing moment twice that day. Jason made sure of that. He held open every door we walked through for me. We were both confused why they would make us walk through the chilly campus, talk to us about how the residence hall that we were standing inside of the doors of was one of the nicest on campus, yet we didn't go look at it. Even if there was an option to see them later what was the point of walking there?
Then we went to brunch in their cafeteria place. It was kind of intimidating just being let lose. But Jason and I stayed together. During part of our meal we were also joined by Joe-someone from his school. But it wasn't for very long. Jason and I talked about the sports we are involved in and the channels the tvs were turned to (cartoon network and nick?) and traveling and our schools and high school relationships and about ski-on-neon and temple run (of course he was much better at them than me).
Next we went to "the pointy building. The one with the clock. That pointy one right over there" for a session about studying abroad. Mostly two guys told about their experiences and then answered general questions about it. Morgan was also here with us.
We weren't really sure where to go from here. Well I wasn't. But Jason and I walked back to Cintas and waited for our parents to get done with their session. I met his mom and then we went our separate ways. It is sad that the chance of both of us going to Xavier is really slim. It was just so nice having someone to spend the day with and someone so nice. Even though I like having people to talk to, I'm way too shy to initiate any conversations and was so happy he did. It was also nice because I kept us on schedule with my agenda and he found our way around.
My mom, Dan, and I went to one last session. We could choose where we wanted to go depending on my major. We just want to one for undecided. Well. Basically a lady told us that being "undecided" means "you haven't decided" on your "major" yet. (I don't know why she would use air quotes when saying these but she did. Then again I don't know why you would spend a whole session discussing this.) She also reassured us that it is okay to not know what we want to go into our freshman year and that we can take the general requirements and then get into whatever interests us.
Overall, I wasn't impressed with the day. Most of the information I could have read online. Plus everything was so gray. The sky mostly. But also inside of the pale brick buildings. It is also so isolated. I've heard so much about Cincinnati, but saw nothing of the wonderful city. It just didn't compare much to Saint Louis University which was sunny and warm and full of happy students on the campus when I visited. Not to mention gorgeous!
When we got there we walked around a little while inside of Cintas-the basketball arena and ate yummy cookies and saw the Raters family. Then we went inside the arena and sat down with all of the other prospective students and their parents. Two men spoke about Xavier and what sets them apart from other similar schools.
Then the parents were dismissed. This is when I started to get nervous. But then Morgan and I made eye contact across the rows and met in the middle. To our dismay we were released to mock class rooms that were assigned to us on our agendas. I was anxious to leave the one person I knew and to be going to a history class. But before my small group even left Cintas, I walked next to a friendly face. I don't even remember what he said to me, but I am so thankful for whatever it was. Jason and I walked side by side the whole walk through the cold wind to the LCL where our class was. We sat at a table together as we listened to the professor tell us what we can do with a history major and a lesson about the Lowell factory workers?
When we walked out of the LCL on our way to a residence hall, the automatic door suddenly slammed shut as I was walking out. It was heavy too. Luckily I didn't have to relive that embarrasing moment twice that day. Jason made sure of that. He held open every door we walked through for me. We were both confused why they would make us walk through the chilly campus, talk to us about how the residence hall that we were standing inside of the doors of was one of the nicest on campus, yet we didn't go look at it. Even if there was an option to see them later what was the point of walking there?
Then we went to brunch in their cafeteria place. It was kind of intimidating just being let lose. But Jason and I stayed together. During part of our meal we were also joined by Joe-someone from his school. But it wasn't for very long. Jason and I talked about the sports we are involved in and the channels the tvs were turned to (cartoon network and nick?) and traveling and our schools and high school relationships and about ski-on-neon and temple run (of course he was much better at them than me).
Next we went to "the pointy building. The one with the clock. That pointy one right over there" for a session about studying abroad. Mostly two guys told about their experiences and then answered general questions about it. Morgan was also here with us.
We weren't really sure where to go from here. Well I wasn't. But Jason and I walked back to Cintas and waited for our parents to get done with their session. I met his mom and then we went our separate ways. It is sad that the chance of both of us going to Xavier is really slim. It was just so nice having someone to spend the day with and someone so nice. Even though I like having people to talk to, I'm way too shy to initiate any conversations and was so happy he did. It was also nice because I kept us on schedule with my agenda and he found our way around.
My mom, Dan, and I went to one last session. We could choose where we wanted to go depending on my major. We just want to one for undecided. Well. Basically a lady told us that being "undecided" means "you haven't decided" on your "major" yet. (I don't know why she would use air quotes when saying these but she did. Then again I don't know why you would spend a whole session discussing this.) She also reassured us that it is okay to not know what we want to go into our freshman year and that we can take the general requirements and then get into whatever interests us.
Overall, I wasn't impressed with the day. Most of the information I could have read online. Plus everything was so gray. The sky mostly. But also inside of the pale brick buildings. It is also so isolated. I've heard so much about Cincinnati, but saw nothing of the wonderful city. It just didn't compare much to Saint Louis University which was sunny and warm and full of happy students on the campus when I visited. Not to mention gorgeous!
Life lately
Last night I went to bed happy and I'm pretty sure I woke up even happier! I have just been my high-spirited self today and it's been so great! I am so excited to finally blog! Though I have a lot of catching up to do.
Saturday February 11 I picked up Sami and Laci and drove to Lafayette. The car ride and filling up my gas tank was full of struggles that they helped me overcome and laughed- about like not ever knowing when to turn. And having to switch lanes. We went to Mcallister's first for lunch. I love both of them and was so so happy that our plans made on a whim actually happened and weren't just an idea!
Then we went to the mall. Not long after we got there Laci's parents picked her up to watch her sister's singing performance. Sami and I were left by ourselves to walk around. For two very indecisive people we did pretty good. But before Laci returned we ended up sitting on the bench and waiting. We got worn out and had been to every store that we shop at. I left the mall with a new dress which I'm very excited to wear, fun teal sunglasses, a necklace, and the last part of Josue's valentine's days stuff.
February 14 was a Tuesday and was Valentine's Day! Though I was exhausted and still not feeling very well after getting home from our Morristown meet the day before at 11:30pm, Josue came over. We exchanged gifts and watched tv. I made him a scrapbook of us and gave him a stuffed animal dog and candy. In addition to the dozen red roses he had sent to school, he gave me a cd he made, a black teddy bear, a picture frame with us, dove chocolate, and perfume from Express. Very sweet.
Friday February 17 we didn't have practice after school- but we had concessions. It was senior night for the cheerleaders, dance team, and boys' basketball and we worked the concession stand during the basketball game. It was long and a few times people had to wait a while for their popcorn. But I'd say we are pretty good.
Then we all drove around a while in the country passing time. Because we were going to see The Vow! We just had a little extra time before it started. It was so sad but so sweet. I love Channing Tatum and his character in the movie. He is just so charming and romantic and can dance and is so handsome.
After the movie we all went back to Sami's for the night. It was so much fun getting to hang out with all the girls on the team outside of just practice.
Waking up the next morning was hard. But we had to be at the school by 7am. We had another invite at Lafayette Jeff. In their tiny gym. And we had to do it without Ally because she got sick. :( Poor girl. We were also all on edge about getting sick after spending the night with her. But for the most part everyone seemed to really step up and improve their scores. I got my best vault score. And also did really well in warm ups. But not so well when I competed bars and floor. But that's alright.
On our way home we stopped at the mall to eat. Then went back to the high school to set up the floor. I just don't know what I'm going to do when gymnastics is over. I'm used to spending atleast half of my weekend with the team! Josue came with to help set the floor up as did Dan. It was nice having extra hands. But its also nice bringing an outsider in to see what all we have to do. Because setting everything up takes a while.
Josue stayed at my house for dinner then we watched the movie Courageous with my mom and Dan. It was so intense and made me really appreciate my family. Family really is so important to me.
Saturday February 11 I picked up Sami and Laci and drove to Lafayette. The car ride and filling up my gas tank was full of struggles that they helped me overcome and laughed- about like not ever knowing when to turn. And having to switch lanes. We went to Mcallister's first for lunch. I love both of them and was so so happy that our plans made on a whim actually happened and weren't just an idea!
February 14 was a Tuesday and was Valentine's Day! Though I was exhausted and still not feeling very well after getting home from our Morristown meet the day before at 11:30pm, Josue came over. We exchanged gifts and watched tv. I made him a scrapbook of us and gave him a stuffed animal dog and candy. In addition to the dozen red roses he had sent to school, he gave me a cd he made, a black teddy bear, a picture frame with us, dove chocolate, and perfume from Express. Very sweet.
Friday February 17 we didn't have practice after school- but we had concessions. It was senior night for the cheerleaders, dance team, and boys' basketball and we worked the concession stand during the basketball game. It was long and a few times people had to wait a while for their popcorn. But I'd say we are pretty good.
Then we all drove around a while in the country passing time. Because we were going to see The Vow! We just had a little extra time before it started. It was so sad but so sweet. I love Channing Tatum and his character in the movie. He is just so charming and romantic and can dance and is so handsome.
After the movie we all went back to Sami's for the night. It was so much fun getting to hang out with all the girls on the team outside of just practice.
Waking up the next morning was hard. But we had to be at the school by 7am. We had another invite at Lafayette Jeff. In their tiny gym. And we had to do it without Ally because she got sick. :( Poor girl. We were also all on edge about getting sick after spending the night with her. But for the most part everyone seemed to really step up and improve their scores. I got my best vault score. And also did really well in warm ups. But not so well when I competed bars and floor. But that's alright.
On our way home we stopped at the mall to eat. Then went back to the high school to set up the floor. I just don't know what I'm going to do when gymnastics is over. I'm used to spending atleast half of my weekend with the team! Josue came with to help set the floor up as did Dan. It was nice having extra hands. But its also nice bringing an outsider in to see what all we have to do. Because setting everything up takes a while.
Josue stayed at my house for dinner then we watched the movie Courageous with my mom and Dan. It was so intense and made me really appreciate my family. Family really is so important to me.
February 7, 2012
Just some thoughts
The last time I blogged, I was getting pretty down on things and running low on my patients. But this are getting back to normal. After a receiving a kind Facebook message from a friend and making spontaneous plans to hang out with a friend last minute on Friday night, things started to turn around.
But before things got better, they got sad. I knew our elderly neighbor who we call grandpa just hadn't been doing well. He has been in ICU at the hospital and really struggling. He passed away Friday morning. Even though we knew his time was coming, my heart broke when my dad told me. It was good that he went to a better place and was no longer suffering on pain, but I was so saddened for his wife. I couldn't imagine losing my husband. I know it really upset her to see him like that in the hospital, and especially to not be able to help him, but I hope and pray that she can remember all of the fond memories over the years of their lives together rather than those painful last images of him. They were the sweetest, kindest people and truly were like a third set of grandparents to us.
Friday night at Sami's house was south fun. Even though we just kinda hung out in her room and watched House Bunny it was good to be able to talk to her and to laugh and to sip on our vanilla cokes from Dari Licious. It was also reassuring seeing all of the happy, laughing friends that her parents had over. I was so thankful to hang out with her.
Then we woke up bright and early for an invitational on Saturday. Waking up early was hard enough. But this was the meet I most dreaded. It was hosted by Lafayette Jeff. In their gym which is at an old elementary school. And tiny. And crammed. And the bars hardly tighten when we put them on our setting. It's awful. There's not enough room for the equipment or judges tables, let alone for the fifteen teams present and even just our parents. With so many teams it took forever even though it moved at a fast pace. We left CHS at 8am and didn't return until 5:30. I went the whole meet only on the cinnamon melt I ate for breakfast from McDonald's , some popcorn Graysen had left over, and some grapes.
Instead of going right home, I went to josue's house and hung out. We watched Shrek. And we both still laugh at it. But I didn't stay once it was over because I needed to get some sleep.
Sunday morning while the rest of my family went to mass, I hung out at home. I opened up to Josue and told him everything from my week. It was so nice to just get it out. And to smooth over misunderstandings and hurt feelings between him and I the pas week.
I also showered and painted my toenails and fingernails and got all of my laundry washed. It felt so nice to be clean (not that I'm often dirty) and on top of everything. Then I worked on an English paper that was kind of due last Monday.
I took a break for some fun. I picked up Sarah and we went to my dads house to make sugar cookies for valentines day! My dad made and chilled the dough already. So Sarah and I just used the different shaped heart cookie cutters and cut out a ton of cookies.
With plates of decorated cookies, Sarah and I left and went back to my moms house to watch last weeks episode of gossip girl and catch Sarah up.
We got done just in time for me to change clothes, pick up Josue, and make it to church on time. I was happy he came with me and that I didn't have to sit alone.
The Super Bowl started and I was sitting in my room trying to finish up that essay. Ugh. But I think I finally did it.
Then about halftime I went out to the living room. I joined my mom and Dan who had just gotten home from the friends and Josue who came over to watch the end of the game together. I was happy to hang out with him again.
Monday in clinicals I was in the ER. And though again I wish I could write about it, I cant. But I did see first hand just how connected the hospital is. I figured it was very separate and each different unit was isolated. But that is far from the opposite. Many of the different areas (radiology, lab, cardiopulmonary) all must work together and sometimes on the same patients. I thought that is so cool because it is like one big team and everyone must do their part.
Before going to practice, Maria and I went to our neighbor Grandpas viewing . When we got in line and made it to grandma at the front, I wanted to tell her how great of a man her husband was. I wanted to tell her he was no longer suffering and in a better place. I wanted to be strong and supportive for her. But my eyes just filled with tears. But I know it is okay to cry and it is okay to be sad. Especially during a death.
Practice was so great. There were only three of us and it was so chill and laid back. And we went to watch Marka and Kim's nephew(?) wrestle. He is 5. And it was presh. I also got my pop-ons pretty solid and worked on connecting my bar routine and pausing less.
Then after practice Sarah came over and we watched Gossip Girl. And it was good! And we got my mom and sister and all talked on the couch. Mostly about funny injuries that had happened to each of us from our younger days. And she spent the night. Because she didn't have morning swim practice and I didn't have homework. What a great night.
Today is Tuesday. And health careers was good. Because it always is. But because we talked about death within clinicals and how death is a part of life and that we must accept it. It was good for me to hear this with my neighbor's recent death that has been on my mind.
Then fourth period when I'm a student assistant for Mrs. Harms was just what I needed. Not only did she listen to me about all of the ridiculous assignments my english teacher piled on us today, but she helped me with it! She helped me line by line understand a Shakespeare sonnet and a second time so I could take notes. We also talked about divorce and going back and forth and i told her how while she is a teacher, it is obvious that first she is a mom and that she cares about her students and about helping them along.
But before things got better, they got sad. I knew our elderly neighbor who we call grandpa just hadn't been doing well. He has been in ICU at the hospital and really struggling. He passed away Friday morning. Even though we knew his time was coming, my heart broke when my dad told me. It was good that he went to a better place and was no longer suffering on pain, but I was so saddened for his wife. I couldn't imagine losing my husband. I know it really upset her to see him like that in the hospital, and especially to not be able to help him, but I hope and pray that she can remember all of the fond memories over the years of their lives together rather than those painful last images of him. They were the sweetest, kindest people and truly were like a third set of grandparents to us.
Friday night at Sami's house was south fun. Even though we just kinda hung out in her room and watched House Bunny it was good to be able to talk to her and to laugh and to sip on our vanilla cokes from Dari Licious. It was also reassuring seeing all of the happy, laughing friends that her parents had over. I was so thankful to hang out with her.
Then we woke up bright and early for an invitational on Saturday. Waking up early was hard enough. But this was the meet I most dreaded. It was hosted by Lafayette Jeff. In their gym which is at an old elementary school. And tiny. And crammed. And the bars hardly tighten when we put them on our setting. It's awful. There's not enough room for the equipment or judges tables, let alone for the fifteen teams present and even just our parents. With so many teams it took forever even though it moved at a fast pace. We left CHS at 8am and didn't return until 5:30. I went the whole meet only on the cinnamon melt I ate for breakfast from McDonald's , some popcorn Graysen had left over, and some grapes.
Then we worked the concession stand as a team for the basketball game. We were all very tired and sore and ready to go home. But we kept busy with customers and shared stories and did a fine job.
Instead of going right home, I went to josue's house and hung out. We watched Shrek. And we both still laugh at it. But I didn't stay once it was over because I needed to get some sleep.
Sunday morning while the rest of my family went to mass, I hung out at home. I opened up to Josue and told him everything from my week. It was so nice to just get it out. And to smooth over misunderstandings and hurt feelings between him and I the pas week.
I also showered and painted my toenails and fingernails and got all of my laundry washed. It felt so nice to be clean (not that I'm often dirty) and on top of everything. Then I worked on an English paper that was kind of due last Monday.
I took a break for some fun. I picked up Sarah and we went to my dads house to make sugar cookies for valentines day! My dad made and chilled the dough already. So Sarah and I just used the different shaped heart cookie cutters and cut out a ton of cookies.
Then we made frosting (my grandma Demeter's frosting which is the wry best) and decorated the cookies!! The very best part. It was so much fun.And they all looked so good.
Before leaving my dads house, my dad and I went to my neighbors house to give her a card and out condolences. It was so sad. She told us that they were married for 58 years. That is so great. And inspiring and cute.
With plates of decorated cookies, Sarah and I left and went back to my moms house to watch last weeks episode of gossip girl and catch Sarah up.
We got done just in time for me to change clothes, pick up Josue, and make it to church on time. I was happy he came with me and that I didn't have to sit alone.
The Super Bowl started and I was sitting in my room trying to finish up that essay. Ugh. But I think I finally did it.
Then about halftime I went out to the living room. I joined my mom and Dan who had just gotten home from the friends and Josue who came over to watch the end of the game together. I was happy to hang out with him again.
Monday in clinicals I was in the ER. And though again I wish I could write about it, I cant. But I did see first hand just how connected the hospital is. I figured it was very separate and each different unit was isolated. But that is far from the opposite. Many of the different areas (radiology, lab, cardiopulmonary) all must work together and sometimes on the same patients. I thought that is so cool because it is like one big team and everyone must do their part.
Before going to practice, Maria and I went to our neighbor Grandpas viewing . When we got in line and made it to grandma at the front, I wanted to tell her how great of a man her husband was. I wanted to tell her he was no longer suffering and in a better place. I wanted to be strong and supportive for her. But my eyes just filled with tears. But I know it is okay to cry and it is okay to be sad. Especially during a death.
Practice was so great. There were only three of us and it was so chill and laid back. And we went to watch Marka and Kim's nephew(?) wrestle. He is 5. And it was presh. I also got my pop-ons pretty solid and worked on connecting my bar routine and pausing less.
Then after practice Sarah came over and we watched Gossip Girl. And it was good! And we got my mom and sister and all talked on the couch. Mostly about funny injuries that had happened to each of us from our younger days. And she spent the night. Because she didn't have morning swim practice and I didn't have homework. What a great night.
Today is Tuesday. And health careers was good. Because it always is. But because we talked about death within clinicals and how death is a part of life and that we must accept it. It was good for me to hear this with my neighbor's recent death that has been on my mind.
Then fourth period when I'm a student assistant for Mrs. Harms was just what I needed. Not only did she listen to me about all of the ridiculous assignments my english teacher piled on us today, but she helped me with it! She helped me line by line understand a Shakespeare sonnet and a second time so I could take notes. We also talked about divorce and going back and forth and i told her how while she is a teacher, it is obvious that first she is a mom and that she cares about her students and about helping them along.
February 2, 2012
venting. kind of new for maddymoments. but its much needed.
Lately I have just been struggling. With mostly everything. I have been easily frustrated and lost my patience and been annoyed and aggravated and it was all just building up more and more.
I have been struggling in one of my classes in particular. I do not have any interest in the curriculum and you could say I'm not the biggest fan of the teacher. I just get so fed up with it. The teacher never grades our papers, which I understand especially when you have multiple classes with many papers is a challenging task. I do understand that. But I don't get why we continuously are asked to write more and more essays to just be sat for weeks ungraded:
1) by the time we do get them back many weeks have passed and the paper and its content are irrelevant because we've moved on.
2) I do not learn anything from writing. I already know how to write. And sure it's necessary to practice. But when we finally do get our papers back they are rarely marked with what was wrong and what needed to be changed. Just slapping a letter grade on them does close to nothing for me. Just makes me want to give up because even when I put effort into my papers my letter grades rarely prove it.
It is just a vicious cycle of frustration and anger and stress
And though this is a recent thing or change- the news is so sad. There are often tragic stories of deaths and other crimes. It can be really disturbing turning on the nightly news. Which often reminds me of Jack Johnson's song The News: Why don't the newscasters cry when they read about people who die// at least they could be decent enough to put just a tear in their eye.
Then there are clinicals. As much as I love them, they are hard. And I can't write about anything specifically, but a few times I have witnessed things that just break my heart. I know that the health field is dealing with people, usually sick people, and that things can't always be positive. But it's just so sad to me sometimes.
Not only that. But then I have to go back to school. And just my luck I go directly to the class I described above. At school things are so different. First off, compared to clinicals, school just seems a little tedious and useless. I know it isn't and that learning is important. But it's just a big difference going from real life people and trying to help them to text books. Plus back at school I seem to be surrounded by immature and obnoxious and rude kids. (this clearly includes lying and not telling the whole truth and trying to justify physically fighting another human. Seriously there's enough sadness and suffering and illness due to stuff that isn't inflicted by another person. There is never a reason to try to hurt someone on purpose. The thought of it alone makes me angry). They make fun of people and use awful language and also no one listens to me. I know I speak quietly but literally people never hear me talk. I'm sure most of the time, at least I hope, it is just that they don't hear me. But its so frustrating and upsetting and makes me feel useless. Not to mention when I'm trying to help out or ask for help. And I know it's still high school and kids will be kids and whatever. But I've just had enough of it.
But I know that there is goodness in our world. I don't believe it is perfect, nor do I believe it is like a movie or book. But there is goodness. Father Dennis touched on this in his homily this weekend. He talked about how comic books are (generally) very divided on good and evil and that it is obvious which characters belong to which side. He also noted how in The Bible it talks about love and goodness ten times more than it talks about evil.
I know I just talked down clinicals. But I love love love them. They are the best part of my week. I love being able to see things that we've talked about in class. I love seeing patients get helped. I love all of the staff I've worked with. They are so friendly and professional when they are working with their patients. They also explain everything they are doing and are ultimately just trying to help. Not to mention with me. They take the time to explain everything they are doing to me and answer every single question I ask. I love it. If I had the chance, I would spend my entire day in clinicals. Because it is so much better than school.
Speaking of the health field- I know that I can not do anything that has high risk levels or that has low outcomes of success. It would just be too emotionally demanding for me, because I really feel for other people when they are upset or in pain. Both the patients and their families. I just couldn't do it. But the more I read and talk about it, the more physical therapy appeals to me. It is medical which really interest me and still helping people which I want to be able to do with my career. But, the patients are rarely close to death. Being immobile would be frustrating still, but better than having a fatal illness or being dependent on oxygen and machines. I know that those people need to be taken care of and are just as important as physical therapy patients, and I have the utmost respect for the people that take care of and help those patients. Because I just couldn't. Eventually in clinicals I will go to physical therapy and I can't wait. I am hoping it will be as fitting as it sounds. ALSO! I got into SLU's physical therapy program!! Well pre-physical therapy program which gives direct admission to their physical therapy program. So exciting. Just hopefully I love it when I go to shadow them.
Using SLU as my segue (Bert from OLAB reference) I have been working on applications for scholarships. Which could be good news, I'm hoping eventually. But many of them ask about the future. It has made me think a lot about next year and about how things are going currently and I just have such high expectations for next year. I want to be in a place where people are kind and help each other without hesitation-basically like Camp Tecumseh. I'm hoping so much that college is similar. And I know that part of it is making your experience how you want it to be and getting out of it what you put in. And sometimes (like camp maybe and OLAB maybe, but most definitely not like Costa Rica! I don't know why I was openly myself without any hesitation and free to laugh loud and make friends and speak my mind) I am shy. And I hold back. But I don't want to do that. I want to express my happiness and engage myself fully in everything I do and every new relationship I build. And I know that the ambassadors that give the campus tours are supposed to be pleasant and speak of the school in high spirits- which they did at SLU. But there were many kids on the campus during our tour that were not ambassadors. And were not asked to be happy and make the school look good. Yet they still did. They genuinely looked happy. And like they were enjoying it. That is what I want. Not to mention the dream I had last night about the first week of school with just freshmen at SLU was similar to a Camp Tecumseh setting.
Other highlights and spurts of goodness within my life lately include:
-The show Undercover Boss. It is really uplifting and warming and gives me goosebumps. I love it. The boss of a big corporation goes undercover and works in all of the smaller jobs of the company. Then usually the boss is changed and has a reality check and reveals himself to the people he worked with and often rewards his employees. Definitely worth watching.
-Matt Logelin (The author of Two Kisses for Maddy) emailed me back!!!!! A personal email!!! It made me morning waking up to that!! It was so inspiring that he took the time to do that and made me feel like I was worth so much!
-Lately on the news there is air time about the Super bowl village in Indy. I love listening to the people who are interviewed who are impressed with Indy and with our airport and everything about it. It just makes me feel so good and so proud to be of Indiana.- a place generally thought of as cornfields and hicks.
-Plus the warm weather has not only been enjoyed by the people in state for the superbowl, but by all of us! I love it. I just can't wait until spring break, or spring in general.
-Plus to top everything off that has been a blessing and has kept me hanging on and kept me a little sane: this morning we had a two hour delay! And oh how lovely it was.
I have been struggling in one of my classes in particular. I do not have any interest in the curriculum and you could say I'm not the biggest fan of the teacher. I just get so fed up with it. The teacher never grades our papers, which I understand especially when you have multiple classes with many papers is a challenging task. I do understand that. But I don't get why we continuously are asked to write more and more essays to just be sat for weeks ungraded:
1) by the time we do get them back many weeks have passed and the paper and its content are irrelevant because we've moved on.
2) I do not learn anything from writing. I already know how to write. And sure it's necessary to practice. But when we finally do get our papers back they are rarely marked with what was wrong and what needed to be changed. Just slapping a letter grade on them does close to nothing for me. Just makes me want to give up because even when I put effort into my papers my letter grades rarely prove it.
It is just a vicious cycle of frustration and anger and stress
And though this is a recent thing or change- the news is so sad. There are often tragic stories of deaths and other crimes. It can be really disturbing turning on the nightly news. Which often reminds me of Jack Johnson's song The News: Why don't the newscasters cry when they read about people who die// at least they could be decent enough to put just a tear in their eye.
Then there are clinicals. As much as I love them, they are hard. And I can't write about anything specifically, but a few times I have witnessed things that just break my heart. I know that the health field is dealing with people, usually sick people, and that things can't always be positive. But it's just so sad to me sometimes.
Not only that. But then I have to go back to school. And just my luck I go directly to the class I described above. At school things are so different. First off, compared to clinicals, school just seems a little tedious and useless. I know it isn't and that learning is important. But it's just a big difference going from real life people and trying to help them to text books. Plus back at school I seem to be surrounded by immature and obnoxious and rude kids. (this clearly includes lying and not telling the whole truth and trying to justify physically fighting another human. Seriously there's enough sadness and suffering and illness due to stuff that isn't inflicted by another person. There is never a reason to try to hurt someone on purpose. The thought of it alone makes me angry). They make fun of people and use awful language and also no one listens to me. I know I speak quietly but literally people never hear me talk. I'm sure most of the time, at least I hope, it is just that they don't hear me. But its so frustrating and upsetting and makes me feel useless. Not to mention when I'm trying to help out or ask for help. And I know it's still high school and kids will be kids and whatever. But I've just had enough of it.
But I know that there is goodness in our world. I don't believe it is perfect, nor do I believe it is like a movie or book. But there is goodness. Father Dennis touched on this in his homily this weekend. He talked about how comic books are (generally) very divided on good and evil and that it is obvious which characters belong to which side. He also noted how in The Bible it talks about love and goodness ten times more than it talks about evil.
I know I just talked down clinicals. But I love love love them. They are the best part of my week. I love being able to see things that we've talked about in class. I love seeing patients get helped. I love all of the staff I've worked with. They are so friendly and professional when they are working with their patients. They also explain everything they are doing and are ultimately just trying to help. Not to mention with me. They take the time to explain everything they are doing to me and answer every single question I ask. I love it. If I had the chance, I would spend my entire day in clinicals. Because it is so much better than school.
Speaking of the health field- I know that I can not do anything that has high risk levels or that has low outcomes of success. It would just be too emotionally demanding for me, because I really feel for other people when they are upset or in pain. Both the patients and their families. I just couldn't do it. But the more I read and talk about it, the more physical therapy appeals to me. It is medical which really interest me and still helping people which I want to be able to do with my career. But, the patients are rarely close to death. Being immobile would be frustrating still, but better than having a fatal illness or being dependent on oxygen and machines. I know that those people need to be taken care of and are just as important as physical therapy patients, and I have the utmost respect for the people that take care of and help those patients. Because I just couldn't. Eventually in clinicals I will go to physical therapy and I can't wait. I am hoping it will be as fitting as it sounds. ALSO! I got into SLU's physical therapy program!! Well pre-physical therapy program which gives direct admission to their physical therapy program. So exciting. Just hopefully I love it when I go to shadow them.
Using SLU as my segue (Bert from OLAB reference) I have been working on applications for scholarships. Which could be good news, I'm hoping eventually. But many of them ask about the future. It has made me think a lot about next year and about how things are going currently and I just have such high expectations for next year. I want to be in a place where people are kind and help each other without hesitation-basically like Camp Tecumseh. I'm hoping so much that college is similar. And I know that part of it is making your experience how you want it to be and getting out of it what you put in. And sometimes (like camp maybe and OLAB maybe, but most definitely not like Costa Rica! I don't know why I was openly myself without any hesitation and free to laugh loud and make friends and speak my mind) I am shy. And I hold back. But I don't want to do that. I want to express my happiness and engage myself fully in everything I do and every new relationship I build. And I know that the ambassadors that give the campus tours are supposed to be pleasant and speak of the school in high spirits- which they did at SLU. But there were many kids on the campus during our tour that were not ambassadors. And were not asked to be happy and make the school look good. Yet they still did. They genuinely looked happy. And like they were enjoying it. That is what I want. Not to mention the dream I had last night about the first week of school with just freshmen at SLU was similar to a Camp Tecumseh setting.
Other highlights and spurts of goodness within my life lately include:
-The show Undercover Boss. It is really uplifting and warming and gives me goosebumps. I love it. The boss of a big corporation goes undercover and works in all of the smaller jobs of the company. Then usually the boss is changed and has a reality check and reveals himself to the people he worked with and often rewards his employees. Definitely worth watching.
-Matt Logelin (The author of Two Kisses for Maddy) emailed me back!!!!! A personal email!!! It made me morning waking up to that!! It was so inspiring that he took the time to do that and made me feel like I was worth so much!
-Lately on the news there is air time about the Super bowl village in Indy. I love listening to the people who are interviewed who are impressed with Indy and with our airport and everything about it. It just makes me feel so good and so proud to be of Indiana.- a place generally thought of as cornfields and hicks.
-Plus the warm weather has not only been enjoyed by the people in state for the superbowl, but by all of us! I love it. I just can't wait until spring break, or spring in general.
-Plus to top everything off that has been a blessing and has kept me hanging on and kept me a little sane: this morning we had a two hour delay! And oh how lovely it was.
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