"I can change the world. With my own two hands. Make it a better place. With my own two hands. Make it a kinder place. With my own two hands. With my own. With my own two hands."

I have just been really fond of my hands. 

Sometimes I am embarrassed of their cold, purple, clamminess. 

But lately I am feeling their inspiration and letting it work through themselves. 

Their pink polished nails. And the rings: a simple pearl-beaded ring, and the other comprised of two silver hands holding themselves (my sister ring). 

Sometimes embellished with fun bracelets and thin hair ties. 

While my mind and my heart are the thinkers and motivators, 

it is my hands. My hands are the doers and the creators and the executers. 

I love to watch them work, to write the words flowing from within.

They type swiftly, dancing across the teal keys on my mac.

And hold the pens and pencils to produce my delicate, articulate handwriting in colorful ink or soft lead. 

"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” -Shauna Niequist

For a while now all of my posts have been covering past events, trying to catch up. I am making progress and will get there. But I want to take one post to write about today.

Today is Monday January 28, the perfect Monday. I want to celebrate today and reflect on each part that made it an especially happy and blessed day!

I woke up at the perfect time this morning. Not that 6:56am is ever a fun time to wake up at, but something was just right. Whether I awoke from the perfect timing in my sleep cycle or just got enough sleep, I woke up ready to go for the day. I was sleepy and wanted to stay cuddled up in my bunk, but I wasn't tired-eyed or groggy.

Sarah and I walked to the med campus, but this morning we didn't need to bundle up. I wore yoga capri pants, a tshirt, and jacket. I was prepared and equipped with my umbrella, but happy I never had to use it. I talked to my Grandpa the day before and he told me it wasn't going to rain, I should've trusted him rather than the forecast on my phone!

Abnormal psychology was pretty good, I think there was only one slide that I didn't get completely written down before she flipped to the next one. We take a lot of notes in that class and at a very quick pace. I don't think one notebook will hold them all by the end of the semester.

Class ended a few minutes early, then Sarah and I headed to our usual spot at Crave. Crave is a church that serves as a coffee shop during the week and is located on the med campus. Sarah and I sit there every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday between psych and chemistry. Our chem professor is also a regular during these hours. I love the warm inviting colors, smell of coffee, soft music, abundance of power outlets, and friendly interactions that occur here. Today I worked on typing my psych notes. I finished chapter one with about ten minutes to spare. I spent the rest of class writing a blog post for/and about Valentine's Day that has been dwelling in my mind lately. It was so much fun, I wasn't ready to pack up and go to chemistry. However, something happened and it didn't save. I was so upset and frustrated.

[I was just telling Josue last night that I wish I had a way to write down everything I think. Like as a supernatural power, because I am always writing in my mind- writing blog entries, and letters to people. However, it can be difficult to find time to write or type them out.]

During chemistry today we worked on problems from chapter 14. I like his method of teaching. Even though it gives us more out of class work, I think I am learning better this way. However, today I was guilty of paying less attention to class than I did to my phone. I wrote down the problems, but in between I was retyping what I had just written while sitting at Crave. Hopefully I didn't forget anything as I wrote it for the second time.

After chem I took the shuttle back to the main campus with Maggie. She went to take her Spanish make-up quiz, and I went to Terra Ve. I was a little surprised by the menu, but pleasantly. They were serving breakfast for lunch which included biscuits and gravy or oatmeal or crepes or a yogurt bar. I went for the yogurt bar and was so excited to indulge in the fresh berries! Not long after I sat down, Maggie joined me. She was also happy about the menu!

We finished our yummy lunch and went to the gym for a yoga class at noon. I was so excited to find that this class fit to perfectly into our schedule. It was so nice to take a break from sitting in desks and lecture halls and stretch our bodies and relax.

Once yoga ended we walked back to Reinert I crawled right into my inviting bed and took a short and sweet nap, about 45 minutes. I also seemed to awake from that at a good time.

Then I took a shower, and attempted to blow dry and curl my hair (which didn't go so great really). And I opened our curtains and the window to let the fresh, warm air in! I loved breathing in the sunshine and welcomed the 68 degree weather.

After Maggie awoke and showered, we ventured to Starbucks, to drink coffee, and chat, and do homework/work on my blog. I loved feeling my free feet (with recently painted pink toenails), happily inside my favorite pair of sandals that had been tossed aside for the winter!

We took a pit stop back at Reinert, then headed to the Busch (the BSC. the Busch student center). Here Maggie and I ate soup for dinner from ABP and I continued to work on my September blog post until 7pm.

I quickly dropped two cards in the mail to be sent on their way to my dear friends before heading upstairs to the main floor of the Busch. Oh and earlier today Josue conveyed his excitement and happiness to me of coming home from school and receiving the card I sent to him last Thursday! Yay! I love the act of sending and receiving handwritten letters and am going to try to be better about it this semester.

Maggie and I walked to the APO office for the first rush event of this week. APO is a service fraternity on campus that many of my friends are looking into joining. I figured it would be a good idea to get involved as well! I was excited that tonight combined two things I had recently been thinking about/loving- writing cards and Valentine's Day! About 8 of us joined 2 present members of APO to make Valentine's Day cards for kids in the hospital (I think Cardinal Glennon). It was fun making the cards and getting to know a few more SLU students. I was also successful in not sitting on any of Maggie's cards with wet glitter glue that kept ending up on the cushion of the couch I was sitting on.

The rest of the evening I spent hanging out with friends in Danny & Evan's room while finishing up my September blog post which I am pretty proud of, and feel accomplished by. It took a lot of patience especially to wait for the pictures to upload.

I am thankful for a great day filled with lots of good experiences with awesome people and am now ready to go to sleep so that I am refreshed for what lays ahead tomorrow, including homework that I didn't do any of today! But that's okay. Because I did a lot this weekend, and because as I am focused on catching up with Maddy Moments, I am remembering how important blogging is to me and how much I love to write.

September 2012

September was a pretty hard month that was filled with lots of good.

Saturday September 1 was full of rain, but Sunday things looked up and brought better things- including my dad!! I was so happy and relieved to see him!! He came and saw my dorm and we ate dinner on the Hill, stopped at Ted Drewes even though we were stuffed (because what would be a visit from my dad without ice cream) then made a stop at Target. Oh and he also checked out the fridge situation. I was sad to see him leave, but thankful for the time we spent together. I finished the evening by attending mass.

Monday September 3 was Labor Day. And also my Grandma Ludwig's birthday! I was sad to miss the celebration they had for her, but sent her a card and got to talk to her on the phone. I was also happy to be sent this picture even though I was missing out and missing them.

There was a sign up sheet on the white board at the end of the hallway earlier during the week to spend the day at a lake house. Maggie and I signed up, even though we weren't clear on any of the details. Luckily we heard that we were supposed to meet in the hallway about 7 or 7:30am, which was early but we decided worth it. It worked out and we had just enough people with cars to fit everyone. We drove about 30 minutes away to Danielle's grandparents' lake house. They were so pleasant and very welcoming. They had a pontoon boat and a speed boat that we all spent the day switching back and forth between. It was chilly that morning, but eventually the sun came out strong enough to deepen my tan. The day was so much fun and I was happy I took a chance signing up! I loved being on the boat and getting to tube on the lake. I also got to meet a lot of awesome people that live on my floor, towards the beginning of the day I was even asked where I lived and given surprised looks when I said floor 9. I guess no one had really even seen me yet before, and those who had didn't really know who I was.

I hung out with my new friends the rest of the evening after getting back to school over dinner and then at the library.

I loved continuing to meet and hang out with the other people on my floor. Towards During September we were still getting to know each other, and for some reason tended to just hang out in the hallway. It may have started because we got better wifi signal out there, but it continued for a while.

The rest of my week was filled with lots of sorority rush events: Tuesday I went to an info meeting, Thursday I had dinner with my recruitment leaders and group, then Friday night was rotational, Saturday night philanthropy, Sunday preference, and Monday was bid night. The whole process was a pretty intimidating whirlwind, meeting lots of girls and trying to keep the information about each sorority straight. I was pretty nervous because when we got our schedules of which sororities we go to on Saturday, I only had one listed that asked me back. It was Sigma Kappa and ended up being the sorority I accepted my bid from!

Both Tuesday September 11 and 18 I attended chapter meetings, as well as new member meetings on Sundays. I also had a new heart sister each week and would have dinner to get to know them. Then after about 4 weeks we were to rank our heart sisters and from this, get our big. Other events I attended in September included a greek convocation Thursday September 20 and watching Tangled with some girls from Sigma Kappa afterwards and a sisterhood retreat Friday September 21. I liked getting to know my new sisters and feeling like I was a part of something. However, it all got a little too overwhelming for me. I didn't anticipate the big time commitment, and didn't feel well enough adjusted to college in general or my classes yet. It took a while, but I finally signed out of it. I was sad to be leaving Sigma Kappa because I really wanted it to work out, but I felt a big sense of relief not having to try to juggle my sorority with my everyday life as a student.

Going back a few days, I ate lunch at Terra Ve for the first time September 5. Maggie convinced me to eat there and we have gone back many times throughout the semester. It is a vegetarian dining place only open for on the weekdays for lunch. They feature wraps/salads or flatbread. They also have really great gelato from a place on the Hill.

Another favorite lunch spot that we discovered and frequently ate at throughout the semester was called Fresh Gatherings. It is a cafe on the med campus (so we usually ate there after chemistry) that is run by the dietitian students and uses local grown food. They have tasty sandwiches and freshly baked bagels.

[While it was still warm enough we sometimes sat outside of Fresh Gatherings to eat, soaking up rays of sunshine as we waited for our next classes]

September 12 I walked with Brooke and Alex to The Flying Cow, a froyo place just a little off campus. That was also delicious. I love being able to get how much of whatever kinds of frozen yogurt and toppings as I want.

Saturday September 15 I joined lots of fellow ninerts for an adventure to the zoo!! We took the metro then walked through Forest Park to get there. We all really appreciated that it was free and loved walking around seeing the animals. I especially enjoyed the cats, the penguins, the seals, and the prairie dogs. I laughed so much watching the prairie dogs stand up and look alert, bringing me back to the Walking on the Wild Side videos that Trent and Michael quoted for most of the car ride to North Carolina. Such as "Alan, Alan, Alan Al Alan...""That's not Alan, that's Steve." "Steve Steve Steve..."

Also this was during the hot air balloon festival in Forrest Park. It was so fun to see so many hot air balloons in the sky as they took off!

Wednesday September 19 I got another visit from my dad that included a yummy dinner on the Hill again! It was quite the feast. I was happy to get to spend time with him! Oh and when he first got there we went to the church because he hadn't seen it, and we caught it just it time. It was locked, but the man locking it let us in even though the lights were out. It was so calm and serene and full of beautiful reflections.

Friday September 21 I had my first college exam in chemistry, then a biology exam Monday the 24. I was surprised at how much studying I forced myself to do, compared to the little studying that I ever had to do for tests in high school. What a difference! I was nervous for the exams, but both ended up just fine.

Oh and in between, on Saturday September 22 we had PT day. This was a day packed a scavenger hunt  on campus, planning future goals and a personal mission statement, learning about the Jesuits, and a field day of games. These were done all with teams of fellow freshmen students in the PT program.

The last week of September, Monday the 24 and Wednesday the 26 I started attending a workout class in the evening called Physique Fusion. It was a class intended to lengthen and tone our muscles while incorporating balance and the ballet bar. Our instructor was constantly reminding us "ladies we are dancers! Have good posture and point your feet" as we were working out. I was proud of myself for going even though I didn't have a friend to go with, and for keeping it up during Mondays and Wednesdays all the way to December.

The last weekend in September was full of excitement. Friday night Alex, Brooke, and I went shopping at Old Navy then the mall. I also got my ear pierced finally! (although I unwillingly ended up having to take it out during Christmas break because it was infected) But I sure loved it while it lasted.

Then Saturday September 29 my mom, Dan, Maria, my grandparents, and Josue came!!!! Yayyy!! I was so happy to see them all and for Josue and my grandparents to get a chance to see SLU. We spent the beginning of the afternoon eating lunch and taking a trolley tour of campus.

Afterwards we checked in the hotel and let my grandparents rest while we shopped at the mall. I loved shopping with Josue and getting his opinions on the clothes I tried on. My best purchase was my riding boots! I loved them when I bought them, and still love them very much. They were my birthday present from my mom and Dan, along with a few other outfits I picked out while we were at the mall.

When we got back to the hotel we quickly got dressed and went to dinner on The Hill, an Italian neighborhood tucked away on a hill with lots of restaurants. Though we were a big group and hard to hear each other, it was a fun meal.

We hung out in the hotel together the rest of the evening, eating cupcakes that my mom brought and chatting about our lives recently. Soon my grandparents went to their room to sleep, and the rest of us eventually fell asleep too. However, before that Josue gave me my birthday present right at midnight and I gave him the ones I had for him! I got candy and a gift card from him and he got shirts, a book, and CD from me.

Sunday September 30 I turned 19! We all got ready in the morning and managed to make it to mass at College Church on time! What an accomplishment. The mass and church itself was beautiful as always. I loved getting to be there with my loved ones from back home.

After church we were in search of lunch, but ended up going to the Flying Cow. My grandma agreed that it was the perfect idea.

When we went back to my dorm I found a cupcake and card from my roommate Erica wishing me a happy birthday, and later received another from Maggie as well. One was strawberry, the other pumpkin, both from the Cup and both delicious! I also got a card and present from Alex which included chocolate and a cute necklace with earrings.

Oh! Also! Getting mail was always exciting at home, but I found getting mail at school was even better. I didn't think it was possible. During September I got a care package of stuff I had forgotten at home, cold medicine, and my early birthday present from Maria! I love when I find the perfect present for someone, or when they find something perfect for me. Maria hit it spot on with these bracelets. I also got a birthday package from my best friend Sarah Warner and cards in the mail! Yayyy!

But back to the weekend...Then, not much longer after it was time for them to leave. :( I was so sad as I hugged them each goodbye, knowing I wouldn't see my grandparents until the spring when they returned from Florida. I knew it'd be less than a month when I was home on fall break and would be with my mom, Dan, Maria, and Josue again, however I couldn't act like I was coming home. Dan was in the full gear planning my mom's 50th surprise party which included the surprise of me being in attendance. It was hard to dismiss the idea of coming home every time my mom or grandparents brought it up, because it was what I wanted with my whole heart and I had a difficult time acting otherwise.

As they left me, I cried. I cried tears that they were leaving me. I cried tears of the weekend being over and having to prepare for the school week ahead of me. But mostly I cried big, heavy tears of it being the one-year exactly that my Grandma Demeter passed away. I laid in my bed as I relived the events leading up to her final moments with us on this earth, read through my blog posts about it, and listened to the song my cousins so beautifully sang at her funeral, You Raise Me Up. I hated that I was alone, and that none of my friends at school knew this event that altered my life forever. (Although I eventually told Maggie who comforted me with kind words). I think of her, and my Grandpa Demeter, often while I am at school, but especially the first few months. This happened a lot of times during mass  I feel like. It never failed that I was reminded of them either by the music, or maybe felt their presence watching over me, and fought the tears. My heart broke time and time again as I thought about their passings and how much I, and the rest of our family, miss them both. As more time has distanced the day my Grandma passed away, September 30, 2011 I have began to accept and cope with it much better and have found less tears cried over it than I did during those first few, difficult months of SLU as I was adjusting to college and living miles away from my mom, Dad, siblings, Maggie, Dan, and, other family members.