Love is the answer; atleast for most of the questions in my heart. like why are we here? and where do we go? and how come it's so hard?

Today I vacuumed my room and worked at decluttering my closet. Then I ended up shoving the clutter and piles from my room into one corner. The rest of my room looks much more attractive, but that corner makes me look like a hoarder. Really. :( My goal is to eliminate what I can next week and find places for the rest.

I also went with my mom and dropped of Sandy's dress at the dry cleaner and we ordered old county champ soccer patches for my letter jacket. Both should have been done a long time ago, but at least we can check them off now.

I laid out at the pool for an hour and soaked in as much sun as my skin would let me. Yesterday my Grandparents concluded that I have my grandma's olive Italian skin. I like to think so too.

Feeling like I had done nothing of the sort in a while, I attempted to run on the treadmill. I got a mile in. Kind of. I guess the distance was still a mile even though I did have a break or two to sit on the couch and pet Maggie.

Then I got showered and dressed and met Kalina, Olivia, and Hannah at Little Mexico for dinner. It had been a really long time since I had seen any of them, and it was great to be together. Over lots of chips & salsa and cokes & a strawberry daiquiri we sufficiently caught each up with our vacations and mission trips and boys and camps and jobs that have made up our summers thus far.

I came home to my dads for the remainder of the night where I painted my fingernails pink, learned a new hair braid, talked to friends, and ate pop corn with Maria.

I also read as much as google books would let me of two books that I had made note of when I went to Barnes and Noble earlier this summer. I savored the words I read and yearned for more. Then I thought.

1) I thought about college and how there are so many great schools with so much to offer, that seriously there can't just be one that is for me. There have to be multiple that could fit my wishes. That makes the college search less frightful and takes off some of the pressure. Adults are always asking where do you want to go and what do you want to study and all I ever say is I don't really know. And that is okay. I still have a while until I have to decide. Remembering this helps to relieve some of the anxiousness about the whole college search as well.

2) Then I was thinking about what I want to do "when I grow up." And again, there are so many different subjects that interest me and that I believe I have the talents to succeed at with enough training or education. I've always thought I could be a hair dresser/cosmetologist. Or something in the medical field. Or a counselor. Or a photographer. Or a writer. Or after OLAB something to do with advertising. I feel like I could be satisfied as any of these-not that there is one job that I am intended to do and only one that I will fit.

3) I was obviously on the same thought trend. Until I thought about marriage and love. Reading the few pages of Two Kisses For Maddy that I was able to, I could already tell the immense, passionate, fool proof love that Matt shared for Liz. One of a kind. But the same kind that both set of my grandparents have for each other. And the kind that I someday want to share with my own husband. I am a sucker for every love and romance story. Whether it be the plot of a movie, characters in a book, or examples present in my every day life. I often fantasize and think oh I like that characteristic in him or those personality traits in him and someday my husband will be a collective combination of everyone of those all in one. And he will be better than I could ever piece together in my head or dream of.

4) But then. I think about falling for boys of my past and those still to come. How does that tie in? And people that get remarried? Is there only one person for each of us? Or are there more that could fit like my theory about colleges and jobs? No. I like to feel that there is just one. And that if you let it, it will happen. And within right time or patience it will be revealed and obvious who is the one. But what if it's someone that you have been around the whole time? It's possible. It happens. And even though I don't have the choice & am forced to, I can wait to find out. Because even though I really just want to know all of the answers-especially to the question who? part of it is the process of dating the wrongs and ending up with the right. What good love story is without a meet cute as the character of Arthur Abbott puts it in The Holiday:

Say a man and a woman both need something to sleep in and both go to the same men's pajama department. The man says to the salesman, "I just need bottoms," and the woman says, "I just need a top." They look at each other and that's the 'meet cute.'

But then. There's always the high divorce rate nowadays and the idea of romantic love not lasting compared to arranged marriages. Where does that play in the equation and in my thoughts? Well. I don't really know. I suppose it's possible to get along with and cope and live with eventually anyone. But even then, I think even if you aren't married to them, there is still your one match.

Maybe I'm just a crazy, dreamer that needs to stay out of the sun and get more sleep.